Animals I have unfollowed on Instagram
1. Bald guinea pig (cutesy accessories/positive affirmations )
2. Capybara (bit boring, too many attempts to sell me socks)
3. Tiny pony horse dance training (preachy, with a side order of veganpreachy)
4. Giant pig (turns out I’m not that into giant pigs)
5. Damaged goats (too much drama)
6. That racoon who is friends with a dog (dunno, it just wasn’t doing it for me. Nothing they said to each other really worked for me, you know? WHAT IS YOUR MOTIVATION TOFFEE)
Animal accounts I continue to follow faithfully and with a degree of joy and yes this is in order of goodness
So Many Capital Letters And Emojis Guys. Such Mystery. And yet, he has solid weird bird and giant fish action that fills me with love, intense puzzlement and joy. If you aren’t following meagletrainer, you are missing out on the essence of animal Instagram. I miss that pelican he used to have though.
“Avian reconditioning center”. I mean, come ON. Quality raptor based account, with interesting scientific information as well as top notch hawks.
MORE OF THE SAME WHAT THERE CAN NEVER BE ENOUGH RAPTOR REHABILITATION
4. This Girl Is a Squirrel
For the weird, asmr style squirrel fur stroking videos which soothe the lizard brain.
Not all animals, but all amazing.
For loyalty, but also for excellence and in hope of appearances from Mr Wu, the giant salamander. Or the tortoises.
I know it’s actually a hedge fund in disguise or something, but I like it, ok.
An infrequent but deeply pleasing poster of retired Cambodian elephants enjoying just being elephants.
9. choochoocharlies/neville jacobs
I think both these dogs belong to Marc Jacobs? Possibly? The pics are good and the captions non-annoying.
All birds, no filler. They're good birds, Brent.
Some birds. Birds are awesome says Allison. She is not wrong. Allison, that most recent picture is not a bird though.
Highly specific occasional amusement
Conclusions for animal accounts wishing to retain my patronage:
1. No positive affirmations of any kind
2. No drama
3. Do not tell me what to do
4. Captions should be either genuinely funny, SCIENTIFIC-slash-informative or meagletrainer. There is no other way.
5. No cats.
6. Birds are always ok.
Obviously I am not including or opining on personal accounts which are heavy on pictures of pets (several of which I follow and enjoy) because that is a whole other ball game.
Am I missing out on Instagram animal greatness? I feel like there must be good farm stuff I am missing. More normal goats. Some splendid hens? Fill me in.
In other news
Ouipette is still sick at the vet's. My life has lost all meaning. Send him your good thoughts. He will greet them with utter disdain.