Thursday, 22 June 2017

(Give me) Swelter

My dog is a sexist ingrate part two

Over recent weeks I have had increasing difficulty persuading the dog to leave the house in the morning for a walk (a lovely, long, off the lead walk in a park). I have a selection of short videos depicting this, but am too lazy to attempt to upload them. Basically he sits in the corner, fixes me with an eye of hate and refuses to get up. You may attach a lead to him and gently tug at it, he does not give a shit, though may coldly look away from you to emphasise how Not Ok this walk thing is. In the evening, by contrast, when my husband and I take him out, he positively bounds to the door, thrilled to be offered the chance to trail boringly around the block and probably spend 5 minutes tied up outside Picard.

My husband believes this is because the dog does not like MY walks (long, entertaining, dog-focused), but is totally fine with his (short, boring, human-focused). I was not convinced but he demonstrated that this is indeed the case with a galling degree of success this morning by managing to get the dog up and by the door in less than a minute. I wouldn’t say the dog looked thrilled, exactly, but he obeyed without question. How sharper than a serpent’s tooth, etc. He didn’t get what he wanted anyway because I still took him on a long, entertaining walk to the park (nb as soon as we're out, he's fine and expresses no further protest).

Hang on, I'm actually trying to upload the video, let's see if this works. It does! Two parts!






Summer (cont)

The heat has got to my stomach and I am bloated like an ailing Yorkshire Vet sheep and crampy (yes, I know this is pathetic, ouipette is similarly afflicted, we are both gurgling away, we are creatures of the frozen north) so after a morning of biliously chewing crackers and complaining, I have moved into the basement. I am typing this with laptop balanced on ironing board. The view is terrible and the lighting effects DHSS-chic, but it is DELICIOUSLY cool.

(Update: it's actually too cold, I had to come back up to the hell-furnace, but it's good to have the option)


Other

My hairdresser cancelled on me due to being famous and in demand (not a problem anyone will ever have with me, no sirree) and i have had to reschedule wig cut for July. Given I basically have NO hair left at the back, this is problematic, but I am just going with it, on the basis that at on the odd occasions I leave the house in the next two weeks no one will be looking a short cross middle aged woman in Gap Girlfriend Chinos when there is an endless expanse of nubile flesh to contemplate in this weather. I look like an absolute knob in all hats, so that isn’t an option.


Also, I updated the reading page: quality not quantity this month!

21 comments:

Alison said...

The Ouipette and Borage are obviously soulmates (Ouipette wants to be a cat, Borage wants to be a dog): Borage Plays Fetch

Rosie said...

Love the videos! When we first got our whippet, not being au fait with dogs, I honestly thought there was something wrong with him because all he wanted to do was snooze, he would never catch treats and if you threw him a ball, he would watch it sail over his head and then fix you with a belligerent glower. I'm always pleased to see that this relentless laziness is par for the course.

Julie said...

I have a Jack Russell with a lot of whippet in the mix (my theory). What time are you taking him out in the morning? At six before the hordes of scooter slamming kiddies are at large he will bound towards the lead. At eight thirty (peak going to school time) he hides under the bed. At nine (kids have been imprisoned) not too bad, at least he is catchable.

Once I have got the little sh... beyond five meters from the front door he is away for slates. I often think I have the most annoying dog in Paris. Nearly every day I cross paths with one who barks at EVERYTHING and think, well, there you go, I was wrong. Then again, they are all fun.

Ah, in the evening when my husband comes with us..... hmm. At least your husband is decently dog trained, mine is a non-animal barely even human friendy specimen. AND THE DOG STILL PREFERS THE TWO OF US.

Have you tried lying your face off and telling him we are going to meet daddy? I confess to nothing.

Waffle said...

Julie! I am sorry your dog is also a dick, but it is a considerable comfort to me (o learn that I am not alone, so thank you. x

ellen kirkendall said...

It's sad indeed when you are not the most beloved of your dog. In my experience it doesn't matter at all what you do; a dog's attachment is arbitrary and permanent.

Patience_Crabstick said...

We don't have a whippet, but one of our dogs is afraid of leashes and refuses to budge if we put one on him. The other one has a distressing affliction called "leash aggression." She enjoys her walks but if we encounter any other dog, cyclist, jogger, child, or adult person she doesn't like the look of, she barks and lunges and generally behaves like she wants to kill whatever she has seen. She's the most hated dog in our neighborhood and we start many of our walks hiding behind our bushes until someone in the park has walked far enough away from us.

carolinefo said...

As fellow Creatures of the Frozen North, R and I were OUTRAGED this week when our five day
holiday in lovely, cool, rainy Hay on Wye turned out to include the hottest June days since 1976.

You do not go to the Welsh borders to be unbearably hot - it's not natural. That is what Abroad is for. It was too hot to browse in the bookshops for more than 5 minutes at a time, so I sat in the shade outside Shepherd's Ice Cream Bar and scowled at everyone flitting about happily in the sunshine. It was too hot to go roaming about up on Hay Bluff with the wild ponies which were, mysteriously, nowhere to be seen and had probably gone and found themselves a nice shady bit of forest in which to cool off. It was a good thing we were staying in a very old cottage, with immensely thick stone walls, up on a hillside, which stayed cool at night. Otherwise I would probably have thrown myself into the Wye in despair.

Happily, normal meteorological conditions returned for the last couple of days, and my faith in the universe was restored.

But Mediterranean weather in Wales is just not right.

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