Tuesday, 9 May 2017

An argument of apples

A smorgasbord of irrelevance below.

1. Ceci n'est pas un opéra

My son's Magritte themed opera was everything I had hoped for, ie. 100% incomprehensible. It was as if they had taken the tweets of the Magical Realism Bot and turned them into a mash-up of music, spoken word and dance. Pity my spouse and his parents who do not even have the barest rudiments of Dutch, and who must have just allowed the whole carnival of insanity to wash over them in a tidal wave of confusion. I understood ... some. It didn't actually help much. Favourite elements: 

- My son's hat, which I will not show you a picture of, because sadly he is 13 and has a right to a private life, but which was a royal blue bowler hat, topped with gigantic clouds and a space rocket. The guy next to him in the orchestra had one with a sort of orange dinosaur on it. All the orchestra members were wearing similar hats (you can see if you enlarge that photo) and really I would like all orchestras to wear something similar now. 

- A man playing the vastest contrabassoon type instrument I have ever seen, which itself was wearing a little hat (white plastic bucket) on which he had writted "ceci n'est pas un pot de crème fraîche" for no reason at all I could elicit. I could not even tell if the bucket was part of the normal kit for an enormous contrabassoon or its costume for the performance. Why would the contrabassoon not have its own hat, after all? 

- Some apples in sleep masks arguing with each other in a rather pass-agg manner (Apple 1 had gone to the seaside with some other friends but not Apple 2, and Apple 2 got secretly huffy about it, then Apple 1 got secretly huffy in turn and it was all very awkward. Fruit! Get your grievances out in the open!)

- 2 Magritte impersonators, one with a dog on wheels

- A giant crow

- Children zipped in suitcases like that MI5 man and dragged onstage, in total defiance of health and safety norms

- A unicorn playing the glockenspiel

I will not miss my frequent, epic public transport pilgrimages to Jette for the rehearsals for the Magritterama, except maybe I will? It was interesting to see a whole other part of the city. Jette is quite sleepy, like here, but has a completely different feel, like you're in a small town in Flanders suddenly. There is a station and a moustache themed friterie and a profusion of parks and a rather spectacular looking butchers and I had to go there on the train and I do like a little train journey. Anyway. No more Jette and no more of the hideous Koekelberg Basilica looming at you from all angles.


2. Priestdaddy

Seriously, don't bother with my reading list for now (even though, classy segue, I have now added April), just all go and get this. I haven't laughed this much since Love, Nina and have been banned from reading it in bed, due to full body shaking with hysteria. I want to give everyone I know a copy. It's amazing.

3. This is nice

I was so happy about this review. I still have Weird Feelings about the whole book thing, but this was more or less unambiguously positive and I find that I kind of want to cut it out and hide it in a drawer to look at. I have no idea when that picture was taken, my "hair" doesn't look anything like that now (not least because my current wig is going severely bald at the back).

4. We Need to Talk About Bake Off Crème de la Crème

I feel I need to engage with this more intensely than I have to date. Angus Deayton who seems to be trudging through a living nightmare of his own making and who has no interest whatsoever in sugarcraft. The intense, thorough, unsparing cruelty of both judges. The weirdly large number of teams meaning you can't really get attached to anyone. The French bloke's accent. The messed up final challenge where everyone produces something spectacularly horrible looking of which most elements aren't even edible. It all just feels a bit .. off (so obviously I love it). Unfortunately it  (i) clashes with Yorkshire Vet and (ii) is universally despised by everyone else in this house. They'd almost prefer to watch Peter cheerfully castrating something.

I must go, my children are home, disdaining my painstakingly prepared baked goods and being lumpenly insolent. They obviously require chastising with scorpions. How are you all?


Anna Maria said...

The Magritte opera sounds brilliantly bonkers, thanks for the vivid description.
I will definitely read Priestdaddy now. I loved Nina's books, and I am relieved you've found it so funny.
I heard/read so much about it, but was apprehensive, having grown up in a country, where many people are still rabidly Catholic, so I tend to steer clear of books featuring a Catholic pater familias

WOL said...

There is a picture of Rene and Georgette Magritte with their dog after the war, which Paul Simon used as a springboard for one of his relentlessly autobiographical songs with lyrics that are full of self referential in-jokes and thus pretty incomprehensible -- which is pretty Magritte-esque when you think about it. One wonders if Magritte with his dog was referring to the picture, or to the song, or not.

Waffle said...

WOL - If this opera was correct, Magritte had a dog called Lulu and when it died they replaced it with another dog that they also called Loulou et ainsi de suite. That might have been entirely made up though. Who could tell?

Catherine Ingleby ART said...

Just ordered Priestdaddy - even the excerpt had me sniggering. My best book of 2017 is The Brittle Star, a book you get truly lost in.

Waffle said...

NOTED, Catherine. Maybe I'll bring it donkey trekking later this month (YES I AM QUITE EXCITED)

LuLu Anna said...

Dear Emma, you always make me laugh. The Magritte opera sounds truly marvellous in the most bonkers of ways, but perhaps a little too try hard... (especially what with it being in Dutch as well- if I'd been in charge I think I would have written it in an imaginary language-perhaps Esperanto...or the one George Bernard Shaw invented)

The GBBO Patisserie show. Most of the food looks disgusting and seeing Benoit last night spitting some out confirmed my suspicions (was it me or has he started making unsavoury spitting noises even when not disgorging green croissants?) And the collapse of the chocolate centrepiece- that's one we've been waiting for all season. But why? What happens to the tonnes of chocolate wasted every week producing building blocks when the judges only taste the petits fours? Daughter and I are making the wedding cake for no1 son's forthcoming nuptials, but there will be none of that fancying about, I am glad to say- decoration to provided by florist, thankfully. Enjoy the donkey trekking (who wouldn't???)

Katie said...

Hello. Long time lurker here, that is the most perfect description of Creme de la Creme, though I must also add the induced craving for lots of pretty sweet food to watch it with. The opera sounds quite the experience, surely multiple bonus parenting points for sitting through that, though I am guessing perhaps the insolence suggests gratitude might be lacking xx

WOL said...

Magritte et al., with their pack of LouLou's must have subscribed to the same school as my maternal grossmutter. All her many dogs of both sexes over scores of years were (mostly) black and they were every last one named "Coaly" (as in coal-black). She saw no point in making life needlessly complicated. She never had to remember the neuer hund's name. Of course, it did get a little surreal for the rest of us (until we caught on). When you visited three years ago, Coaly was old and male and now he's young and has six puppies. . .

Anonymous said...

I was intrigued by the contrabasson's hat and, googling, found this ten-minute video in which the Philharmonis Orchestra's contrabassoonist talks about his instrument:
Five meters of tubing - who knew?! I am completely in awe of the breath support that must require: my dad recently gave me his A-clarinet, and even though it is only maybe two centimetres longer than my B-clarinet, it seems to require whole new reservoirs of support that I do not yet possess. So: five metres?! Wow. (No hat though.)

@WOL: Paul Simon's Heart and Bones album is probably my favorite of his albums, so I consider "relentlessly autobiographical" fighting words. How about "wonderfully and poetically evocative", eh? EH?

ellen kirkendall said...

That pet naming strategy would have saved a great deal of argument in my family. Maybe not; we would have relentless arguments over anything at all. Some still rage on 50 years later.

frau antje said...

Scorpions, should you be chastised with them, can be killed in under three minutes by (forced, obviously) exposure to extreme heat. Sorry, have been where Foucault had the time of his life on acid, and many other places, saying things like, "Trailhead? That doesn't sound good."

Anna Maria said...

Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas called all their dogs Basket, I believe.
Re. Behind Her Eyes, thank goodness I didn't spend money on it, I just listened to Radio 4 adaptation. I hated it. I don't read a lot of crime, so not sure what "is allowed" or not, but, again, glad I didn't buy it, and wouldn't recommend it.

Hoxton said...

YES! Exactly this about Creme de la Creme. Am baffled and slightly bored by the repetitive tasks but cannot tear myself away. Angus seems to alternate between scorn and pity (for himself as well as the contestants). And you never get a sense that any of the contestants is an absolute genius, it's hard to get involved with a more industrial/team process. But there's a little part of me that wishes I could instil the kind of downright terror Cherish inspires. Still, it's lacking a certain something for optimal maternity leave telly in the early hours. Maybe I should try the vet?

Waffle said...

Hoxton - CHERISH IS TERRIFYING. Also Benoît - such scorn, such disgust. Zero feel good. I'm addicted/repelled in equal measure.

Anonymous said...

Please bring the Magritte opera to Hackney, it would be an unqualified success and if we need anything right now it is a unicorn playing a saxophone.

Alice Taylor said...

This is a great article. It gave me a lot of useful information. thank you very much.

traffic rider | cooking fever |launcher

Jessica said...

Hey guys, I'm so excited of getting my husband back after he left me and our 3 kids for another woman. After 2 years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before,All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com ,
you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 ,
his website:http://unityspelltemple.yolasite.com ,
Jessica, 26 years, Texas, USA .

edmond phillip said...

Please everyone need to read this
Some time things you don’t believe can just happen.
My name is Mr Phillip from canada am 52 years old i got married
at the age of 36 i have only one child and i was living happily .After sixteen
year of my marriage my wife behavior became so strange and i don’t
really understand what was going on, she packed out of the house to another
man i love her so much that i never dream of losing her, i try my
possible best to make sure that my wife get back to me but all to no
avail i cry and i cry seeking for help i discussed it with my best friend
and he promise to help me of a SPIRITUAL SPELL CASTER called dr Fulfilment,he
is a very great man and a real man that can be trusted and there is nothing
concerning love issues he cannot do that is why they call him the great
fulfilment And i told him everything that
happen all he told me is that i should not worry that all my problems will
be solved immediately. He told me what to do to get my wife back and i
did, he said after 3 days my wife will come back to me and start
begging, it really happen i was very surprise and very, very happy our
relationship is very tight and we both live happily again.
So my friends if you have any issues and you need the help of a real spell
caster please try to contact this same email address (
1. Getting your lover or husband back
2. Spiritual bulletproof
3. Training
4. Money spell
5. Long life spell
6. Prosperity spell
7. Protection spell
8. Get a job spell
9. Becoming a manager spell
10. Get a huge loan without paying any fee spell
11. Getting your scam money back
12. Child spell
13. Pregnancy spell
14. Freedom spell
15. Love spell
16, vanishing spell
17. Invisible human spell
18. Success or pass spell
19. Marriage spell
20. Avenging spell
21. Popularity spell
22. Cancer spell

abcya said...

I like your topic of selection for blog but want to suggest you for sharing some more information regarding your subject so that we can understand your thought more clearly
starfall | barney

Jerry Amin said...

My mouth is full of testimonies, my girlfriend left for two years to Canada for a tourist, where she meant one bad ass and she was bewitch by the guy so surprisingly my girlfriend refuse to come back home again, i cry day and night looking for who to help me, i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called Dr Otoide and i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods we fight for me.. he told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did in less than 2 days my girlfriend came back to me and started crying that i should for forgive her, I'm so happy for what this spell caster did for me and my girlfriend. Dr Otoide is a genuine Dr contact him on his Email:drotoidesolutiontemple@gmail.com or his web: https://drotoidesolutiontemp.wixsite.com/drotoide or his Mobile:+27735364772.

عبد الله السعودي said...

نجن افضل شركة متخصصة فى جميع الخدمات المنزلية فى الدمام نقدم لك افضل الخدمات من تنظيف ومكافحة حشرات وتسليك مجارى وكشف تسربات ونقل عفش كل ما عليك هو تصفح الموقع من خلال الروابط المذكورة ادن المنشور وتقيمكم عليه نحن سعداء بتعامل معاكم ، شركة مكافحة حشرات بالجبيل
شركة تنظيف مجالس بالجبيل
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالخبر
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالقطيف
شركة تنظيف مجالس بالقطيف
شركة تنظيف بالخبر
شركة تنظيف بالدمام

joel sandra said...

I never believed in spell casting, but After 6 years of dating, I still imagine how Dr Aza brought my ex lover back to me in just 24 hour. No one could have ever made me believe that there is a real spell caster that really work. am sandra by name,I want to quickly tell the world that there is a real on line spell caster that is powerful and genuine, His name is Dr Aza, He helped me recently to reunite my relationship when my ex lover who left me, When i contacted Dr Aza he cast a love spell for me and my ex lover who said he doesn't have anything to do with me again, he called me and started begging me. he is back now with so much love and caring. today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the powers of bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my lover,and the most surprise,is that our love is very strong,every day is happiness and joy. and there is nothing like been with the man you love.i am so happy my love is back to me with the help of Dr.Aza if you have similar problem i will advice you to contact him ,he is there to help you and put a smile on your face. his email: azaspellcaster@gmail.com or you can whatsApp his line:+2348107155060

John said...

air max pas cher
cheap jordan shoes
adidas sneakers
polo ralph lauren
air max
coach outlet online
swarovski sale
ralph lauren sale clearance uk

Fresh Bollywood News said...

raksha bandhan quotes
independence day quotes
2 line shayari in hindi
bigg boss winners

Mckelvey Broomfield said...

Budgetary hardships and crises are the fundamental factors that are making payday credits exceptionally accommodating to any individual who ends up in this circumstance.
Payday Loans

Mckelvey Broomfield said...

Moving over a payday advance can be exorbitant, so anticipate reimbursing it in full with your next paycheck. Subsequent to noting these inquiries, you ought to have a superior thought of which kind of advance best fits your necessities.
Cash Advance Chicago

Dome Corny said...

I am very surprise for the miraculous experience and wonders of Dr,UZOYA that have been spreading on the Internet and worldwide, How he marvelously helped people all over the world to restored back their lost lovers I contacted him after going through so many testimonies from different people how he help to bring back ex lovers i was deeply in love with my husband and he was with me but suddenly one day he broke up with me. I tried everything but nothing seemed to workout, I thought it was going to be over forever.I never believed in spells but I was so desperate I thought I got nothing else to loose. I started searching for different spell casters and I finally found 'Great Dr, UZOYA Temple' who helped me through the process and I eventually got my husband back and we are so happy together. I am so grateful to him. If you ever need a spell caster who can get you ex back then contact him on [driraborspellcaster@gmail.com] and his telephone number is +1(301) 909 8775.

emry said...

Dr. UZOYA whose details are [driraborspellcaster@gmail.com] and {+1 (301)909 8775} is the best love spell caster you can get online, there is know doubt about him, his spell is 100% sure that immediately after contacting him your relationship will be fixed and hence forth your relationship will be save and secured . i was once dumped by my lover for many months but immediately i contacted him my lover that dumped me for another man came back to me within 48 hours. i am telling you today that Dr.UZOYA whose details [driraborspellcaster@gmail.com] and +1 (301)909 8775 is the best lover spell caster you can get as far as Internet is concern.

harada57 said...



jane jeff said...

I want to use this great opportunity to thank Dr. Akereco for helping me to get my boyfriend back after 1 year of breakup. My boyfriend breakup with me because he see another girl at his working place and told me he is no longer interested in me and live me pain and heart break.I seek for help on the internet and i saw so many good talk about this great spell caster Dr. Akereco of drakerecospellcaster@gmail.com and i contacted him also and explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me which i use to get back my boyfriend within the period of 3 days and i am so grateful to him for the good work he did for me,that is why i also want to let everyone who is in need of help out there to also seek help from him so he can help.His email
drakerecospellcaster@gmail.com Whats-app number+2349064026626 or for USA call +1 (650) 334-3969 you can contact for any kind of help and he will help you. Jane from Switzerland

jane jeff said...

I want to use this great opportunity to thank Dr. Akereco for helping me to get my boyfriend back after 1 year of breakup. My boyfriend breakup with me because he see another girl at his working place and told me he is no longer interested in me and live me pain and heart break.I seek for help on the internet and i saw so many good talk about this great spell caster Dr. Akereco of drakerecospellcaster@gmail.com and i contacted him also and explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me which i use to get back my boyfriend within the period of 3 days and i am so grateful to him for the good work he did for me,that is why i also want to let everyone who is in need of help out there to also seek help from him so he can help.His email
drakerecospellcaster@gmail.com Whats-app number+2349064026626 or for USA call +1 (650) 334-3969 you can contact for any kind of help and he will help you. Jane from Switzerland