I try and talk to my son about the newly composed Magritte themed opera he is playing violin in.
E: So is there singing? Speaking? Dance?
E: Is there a story?
Child: (Incredulous stare) Huh?
E: I mean, do you know what the story is?
Child: No cos it’s in Dutch (insolent upward inflection to delivery to convey my great stupidity)?
E: What actually happens?
Child (sighing): There’s a giant coffin with, like, a bowler hat on.
E: AWESOME THEN WHAT
Child: I’m actually going to bed now bye
I suppose I will find out on 6th May.
I try to communicate with my other son, on a school trip
Child leaves, alone, on foot, at 5:30 am. I instruct him he must tell me when he arrives so I know he hasn't been abducted.
Several hours pass
E: Have you been abducted?
Further 2 hour interval
Child: i haven't been abducted
Several days later
E: You ok?
Several more days later
E: Assuming you're still alive, do you know when you get back?
Time at which school party supposed to return comes and goes.
E: Shall I order you a pizza?
1 hour after putative return time
E: HAVE YOUR WHOLE CLASS BEEN ABDUCTED??
Doorbell rings, it is child.
(incidentally, he has just told me he "doesn't care" what we have for dinner or what cake I make/purchase for his birthday and I think my heart is a bit broken)
My dog is a misogynist (or he just doesn't like me)
I have realised gradually, unpleasantly, how very much my dog prefers my husband to me, despite the incontrovertible fact that I am the only person in this household who walks him and feeds him (dog, not husband, quoique). He also prefers my older son to me, but at least my older son occasionally looks up from watching videos of morons playing video games to throw his plush measles toy, so that seems more justified.
Evidence #1: when we go out for a walk, me, husband and dog and I cross the road to eg. throw a bag of shit away (picking up shit = another thing that is mysteriously a job that only I can do), Ouipette is wholly indifferent to my momentary absence. However, if husband moves even fractionally away from us, Ouipette loses his shit, refuses to move and stares around wildly and inconsolably until husband returns.
Evidence #2 despite not really liking being stroked, Ouipette will submit to lengthy strokings and ear pullings from husband in the evenings. If I attempt to stroke him, he moves away, coldly, much like a teenage boy.
E: (outraged) You're a SEXIST, Oscar, you fucker. This isn't how I raised you!
Child: The thing is, Dad's the alpha, isn't he. You're just ... another dog.
If you don't know what it is, it's probably a deer
Yesterday we found this list (scroll down) of authorised mammals you can keep as pets in Brussels and wow, I am excited. Bison? Or a spiny mouse? A gayal looks cool too. If anyone can work out what an "ynomys social" is, I would be fascinated to know. Would I like it? I'm not sure about the "social" part.
I have put up my March reading, btw. The Ariel Levy is especially great.