Tuesday, 1 November 2016

Nice eye nice wattle nice shape




It is another bastarding public holiday. My children are killing people with strangers on the internet, slumped in the dark, their spines abnormally curved, their pasty faces illuminated by the occasional plume of pixellated blood. My spouse is dozing in front of something which appears to be an American reality TV programme about dude loggers, dubbed into French.

"Brad a une solution pour ce soir. Depuis 2 ans il est boxeur d'MMA amateur"

"Vous êtes que des cons dans cette équipe, c'est vrai?!"

The tortoises are refusing to hibernate because global warming.

The dog has eaten something unspeakable off the street and is gurgling ominously.

I am chasing up an overdue payment from 19th June for the 7th time, wrapped in a blanket like a giant, morose futomaki.

Yorkshire Vet roundup

Email convos during:






(no, B cannot spell Thirsk, but he is American, and thus it is forgivable, though it is also why Julian will be MY second husband and not his, despite his threats to rip my wig off)

My own notes:

Alpacas called Jay-Z and Mr Darcy. The alpaca wrangler had a special technique for distracting alpacas from castration, by manually revolving their tails, something Julian described with characteristic understatement as "a reasonably involved procedure."

Peter the old vet went to visit Mr Bird the pigeon fancier to collect pigeon stool samples. Mr Bird described the ideal pigeon as follows:

"Nice eye, nice wattle, nice shape."

#fitnessgoals

In the teaser for this week's ep, Julian was testing what he described as "the electro-ejaculator" with his tongue. They are toying with us.

Other things that have happened

1. I have obtained a Belgian driving licence! It was - barring the two trips to the town hall and trip to the police - bizarrely simple and I obtained it without shouting at the sky, or resorting to an SVA ('screaming vagina attack', I can't really explain this satisfactorily). I keep staring at it in wonder. I seem to be allowed to drive a bus, plus trailer. I still do not want to drive.

2. Belgian pumpkin update. Belgian commerce appears to have given up on my favourite practice of placing a plain, uncarved pumpkin in the shop doorway or window. Its demise is much lamented, at least in this house. I purchased two Belgian pumpkins yesterday and attempted to carve them, but they appeared to be made out of the hardest Belgian rock and I ended up in a fury covered in pumpkin slime and chunks of adamantine orange flesh. The children came when I had done 90% of the work and desultorily carved some basic faces into them with very little enthusiasm. Truly, the age of childhood wonder is over. We had a few sets of small trick or treaters (poor bastards, slim pickings indeed, one mate of my son's got THREE sweets in his night out), whose slogan seemed to be "un bonbon ou la mort", which I personally felt was a little extreme.

3. Troubling research while listing writing:

a

Seriously, chicory professor? Mr Demeulemeester, emeritus professor of chicory. Where is my professorship in Flan?

4. I had a terrible yen for classic champagne cocktail this weekend, so we went all around town looking for maraschino cherries and the like, then I drank three in quick succession on Saturday night and now it is Tuesday and I am STILL waiting for easeful death, because, oh god, the hangover. It seems to have gone beyond a hangover to a point where I now expect to feel this shit for the rest of my life. GOD, they were utterly bloody delicious though, so I suppose it was worth it. (it wasn't) (let me curl up and die).

5. It's just conceivable that my state of near perishing may also be related to my new and revolting habit of extreme sell-by date roulette. I don't really know where this has come from, possibly just more apocalypse prep. It's not really working out for me.

6. Life without Twitter remains calm and quite dull. I wish I could say I was achieving more creatively, but clearly that is untrue. I have committed to an hour of "proper" writing, but most of the hour is spent checking on the Freedom timer and staring at the birdshit on my window. I assume this is part of the creative process. If it isn't, don't feel you have to disabuse me of my illusions.


Percentages

30% Probiotics
30% Tracking my new parka (Toast) as it meanders in the general direction of Belgium at an excruciatingly slow pace
20% Is it time for cashmere pyjama bottoms yet, please say it is
20% Ugh

You?

65 comments:

ms cactus said...

most certainly time for cashmere pjs - although - I hope they are not itchy? can also highly recommend Uniqlo "jogger pants" - i know they sound horrible but actually very, very nice and so extremely soft that just wearing them is like curling up in bed http://www.uniqlo.com/uk/store/goods/182446

also re: wattles - at least winter means the possibility of swathing them in scarves...

Anna Maria said...

They have just said on TV that the difference in temperature between yesterday and today is 6 degrees - 6 degrees lower! It is definitely cashmere time.
I went to Dominic Ansel last Friday, there was only a short queue, but it might have been longer earlier - we got there at 2pm and all 350cronuts were gone. But I was there for the owl religieuse, and there were plenty of those. It was a seasonal jacko'lantern one - so with quite a lot of orange icing, which I'm not too keen on, but the pastry and filling were delicious. I'd definitely go back, luckily I only visit London a few times a year, I couldn't afford to go there often.

CJ said...

It's definitely part of the creative process, and it's definitely time for cashmere pyjama bottoms. You don't mind a comma before an "and" do you? Some people are very touchy about such things. Well done on the driving licence, a bus might be fun. Good luck with the flan professorship, I for one feel that it is very well deserved.

J. said...

It's 75 degrees F in Chicago today (seasonal temperature high should be 48 F). I have no idea how to dress myself or my offspring for this weather at this time of year (probably not in cashmere pajamas, which is what I would definitely prefer right now). RE: your pumpkins: there are pumpkin decorating tool kits for sale on Amazon and they are worth every penny.

I am
30% hungover from Halloween sugar excess (last night I followed my kid in his Darth Vader costume around our neighborhood playing "Imperial March" on my phone for 90 minutes, so I figured I was entitled to a significant share of his extorted candy or, at a minimum, all the acceptable quality chocolate ones)
20% World Series anxiety (I don't follow baseball, but have been sucked into it this year as Cubs fandom is like a contagion around these parts)
10% smug from carrying out my birthday resolutions (I started the day with yoga and meditation, took a walk at lunch, and no leftover Halloween candy has crossed my lips thus far. I figure this streak may last about 1.5 more days)
40% U.S. election anxiety fatigue. I just want to know if the apocalypse is really happening or not, so I can make future plans.

frau antje said...

Going to start ending everything with ou la mort, just as an experiment.

Alan said...

A friend of mine went to his local corner shop to buy sweets for any Trick or Treaters who may have turned up.

He was browsing the shelves for a box of Heroes or similar, reasoning that he could eat any left over himself.

The lady who runs the shop, pointing at a counter display, said "Don't buy those, buy these, I bought them in especially for Halloween, they're really cheap and far healthier" My friend asked what made them healthier and was told "They're so horrible, you won't want to eat them."

Anonymous said...

Tentative comment, in the hope that it will not be swallowed up by the ether like one I wrote last week...
On the subject of bastarding public holidays, ours was spent alternating between panic and seething rage for a particular maths teacher, who first of all decided that scheduling an important exam straight after a 4-day weekend was a good idea (as no family would wish to rest/ travel/ flop around in a heap eating chocolate; no, we would all want to rack our brains doing the bastarding square roots of all manner of complicated nonsense). Not content with wrecking the home lives of every child in the class for 4 days straight, on Friday evening she sneakily posted a huge document filled with much more complex problems than the kids have been doing in class on the school website, with instructions that they could "work on those pages to prepare for the exam" and that she would "collect them on Wednesday". The bastarding password to access these worksheets only worked for some of the kids and panic gripped all the others and their families, until somehow I realised that technology being what it is, it was simply a matter of downloading the file and then sharing it with all the other families on the bastarding class parents whatsapp group (yes, this is a thing and yes, it is very ill-advised). This led to my being considered something of an authority on preparation for the exam (ahahahahahahaha! laughing so as not to cry) and I spent the long weekend in a haze of translating, supervising my kid's revision, trying to keep her calm and ensure that she didn't lose the will to live entirely as she grappled with work that was way harder than anything done since September, while fielding question after question from frantic parents further behind on the syllabus than I was. She also threw in some algebra from last year for good measure, as well as parabola graphs and other unnecessary bullshit.
That god-awful woman must have felt a lot of needle pricks over the weekend because people are absolutely livid. The class is a very lively (riotous, undisciplined) bunch and I have concluded that she is getting her revenge on the kids and on their parents. According to my daughter, her "teaching" style is to drone on about something in monotone, set exercises and sit back waiting for class to end while they stare helplessly at a blank page. If anyone dares ask a question, her reply is that she has already given the explanation and they should have been paying attention the first time around. Basically, they are all lost. In fact, about 80% of the class have private tutors in maths.
My kid woke up in a blind panic this morning and I'm just so annoyed and sad that this is her learning experience in maths, instead of a more constructive approach that might spark genuine interest in the subject. I have a feeling I won't be the only parent asking for an urgent meeting with the teacher to ask her what she's playing at and what she hopes to achieve. The next exam has been scheduled for the first day back after the Christmas holidays so I am definitely seeing a god-damn pattern and I don't like it...
I am glad that your boys could do what people are supposed to do on public holidays: chill the f*ck out for a while!I'm still raging!

Sophie said...

My God, Anonymous, you need to sort out this maths teacher immediately - her teaching style is precisely what happened to me, and I am a complete maths retard as a result. Taking the worked-out sum up to the table, only to be told, 'WRONG - go and do it again' over and over, with a different answer each time (all WRONG) no helpful explanation as to where I was muddled ... Seriously, get on the case! It appears, after many years of tentative 'real-life' maths that had I been better taught I might not, actually, have been quite such a dullard.

Waffle - Yorkshire Vet is tempting me, quite worryingly, to start watching television again after a decade. This is terrible and will lead to a deluge of utter rubbish, not including northern castrations. Have just read WAHP; 'jambes lourdes' made me laugh so much as I had forgotten all about it, but is that what the women of Brittany we watched striding determinedly through the sea across every sandy bay on holiday were doing; exercises to combat heaviness?

Anonymous said...

Frau antje, I had the exact same reaction - 'Tidy your room, or death' 'Read these chapters by next week's lecture, or death' 'Do you want a cup of tea, or death?'
I cannot think of a situation that won't be improved by its use.

Anonymous said...

Apparently (I don't want to jinx it so I'll write it very quickly), the maths exam went very well. The parents' whatsapp group was hopping today with sighs of relief. I will still be keeping a close eye on the teacher, however, as I'd rather the poor kid didn't have to go through that anxiety about any subject at school and isn't the whole point of a bank holiday that it's time to rest, not fret about exams? I'm thinking of asking for a meeting before the grades come back so she doesn't think it's just about the grade.
A friend that is also in the mothering teenager trenches has a variation on the "or death" threat: it's very simple and, she tells me, incredibly effective:
Tidy your room/ revise/ organise your school stuff/ wash the dishes/ go to the supermarket etc OR no screens from Monday to Friday. She tells me it works like a charm and her previously untidy, unhelpful kids do quite a lot around the house these days and are a lot more organised about their schoolwork.
However, I think my kid would know that I would cave in before that.

Tamara Protassow said...

Ha. Short, sharp bark-laugh at "or death" suffix to all sentences... reminds me of the Eddie Izzard Cake or Death skit: https://youtu.be/rMMHUzm22oE

B said...

I come back from holiday in Northumbria to find you mocking my spelling of England's silly town names and you threaten my relationship with obvious husband 2? I Sent YOU A POSTCARD FROM HADRIAN'S WALL MADAM!

*considers next move*

*it will definitely involve pastry*

Waffle said...

Anon - That vanished comment! I did very briefly spot it whilst in the queue for the post office, then when I got home, it had gone. Blogger is a bastard, sorry.

B - 1. Are you drunk 2. That's it actually.

Anonymous said...

Ha, another mysterious disappearance at the Belgian post office! Serves me right for writing such long, rambling comments, anyway!;)
I've been waiting to receive Olivia Laing's book for the last 3 weeks, which is ridiculous considering the number of flights between the UK and Spain every day. My theory is that the postlady is reading it and because it's in English it's taking her a little longer than she'd initially expected. She's really friendly and is always curious to know what I'm reading, I think her curiosity got the better of her this time! ;)

Kirkycheep said...

"Nice eye, nice wattle, nice shape" ANOTHER REALISTIC BODY SHAPE FOR WOMEN. I love this though, I might get it tattooed somewhere.

Tired-in-London said...

Hello Waffle - how is it going with the magnesium? Would you recommend it? If so, where can I purchase your Great Relaxer? I am DESPERATE for more energy! Although I think what I really need is actually an injection of sheep's gland, or a transfusion of virgin blood, those are proving a little hard to source. Thank you.

Waffle said...

Tired - I quite good, actually. Not too weary or achy. Sleeping the sleep of the dead. I mean, god knows, it's probably placebo but it's effective placebo... I got mine from amazon, the shame. It's "Good State Ionic Magnesium', whatever the hell that is.

adamsorama said...

Hi Waffle, as you're on a Twitter break I thought you might like to know that the Charlotte Tilbury instant look in a palette is back in stock on the John Lewis website. I scoured everywhere for it online in June after India Knight featured it in her column. Bit spendy but fuckit, I need all the shiny things right now because it's freezing outside.

frau antje said...

Hi! This isn't fucking spam! But I wanted to tell you that I am developing an app that reminds people which political system they live in. I think it's going to be big, it's called ConsterNation.

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Here is my details also if you wish to contact me personal::: barrowtamara2016@gmail.com

ghada sayed said...




اهم شركات كشف تسربات المياه بالدمام كذلك معرض اهم شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام والخبر والجبيل والخبر والاحساء والقطيف كذكل شركة تنظيف خزانات بجدة وتنظيف بجدة ومكافحة الحشرات بالخبر وكشف تسربات المياه بالجبيل والقطيف والخبر والدمام
شركة تنظيف خزانات بجدة
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالدمام
اهم شركات نقل العفش والاثاث بالدمام والخبر والجبيل اولقطيف والاحساء والرياض وجدة ومكة المدينة المنورة والخرج والطائف وخميس مشيط وبجدة افضل شركة نقل عفش بجدة نعرضها مجموعة الفا لنقل العفش بمكة والخرج والقصيم والطائف وتبوك وخميس مشيط ونجران وجيزان وبريدة والمدينة المنورة وينبع افضل شركات نقل الاثاث بالجبيل والطائف وخميس مشيط وبريدة وعنيزو وابها ونجران المدينة وينبع تبوك والقصيم الخرج حفر الباطن والظهران
شركة نقل عفش بالرياض
شركة نقل عفش بالطائف
شركة نقل عفش بالدمام
شركة نقل عفش بجدة
شركة نقل عفش بمكة

ghada sayed said...



شركة نقل عفش بالمدينة المنورة
شركة نقل عفش بينبع
شركة نقل عفش بالخرج
شركة نقل عفش بالقصيم
شركة نقل عفش بخميس مشيط
شركة نقل عفش بتبوك

ghada sayed said...



شركة نقل عفش بابها
شركة نقل عفش ببريدة
شركة نقل عفش بنجران
شركة نقل عفش بحائل
شركة نقل عفش بالظهران
شركة نقل عفش واثاث
شركة نقل عفش

ghada sayed said...



شركة المتحدة
شركة نقل عفش بنجران
شركة نقل عفش بخميس مشيط
شركة نقل عفش بالطائف
شركة نقل عفش بمكة
شركة نقل عفش بينبع
شركة نقل عفش بابها
شركة نقل عفش بالرياض

Mandy Divanna said...

My mind, for some reason, wont let go of my memorys of My husband after i found out my Husband of 9years had been living a double life and we separated months ago because of him cheating I was totally frustrated and did not know how to bring him back home because i love him so much and have tried all my possible best all to no avail, as i was browsing on the internet i came across a post on YouTube about Dr Goodluck who help people with their relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contacted him i told him everything and he told me that everything will be fine that my husband is going to come back to me, And he told me all i will need to provide him with and i did and he told me that he is going to cast a returning spell so that my husband will come back, he helped me cast a spell and guarantee me that my husband will come back to me and within 17hours, to my greatest surprise, my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with women and he is with me for good and for real. if you have any problem contact Dr Goodluck he is real and always ready to solve your problem, email him on goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com and you can also whatapp him or call with his mobile +2349059610309 and i promise you that he is going to help you with any problem OKay...

+2349059610309
goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com
http://goodluck05spellcaster.yolasite.com

glory allen said...

During my time of difficulty and heartbreak i was able to find refuge in the hands of Dr.AZA through his act of spell casting that he was able to bring my lover back within 48 hours, my husband left me and the kids for another woman and he said to me that he just want to be alone for sometime and i was so depress by his words and action but not knowing he did it because of another woman. The first time i read an article about Dr.AZA i was wondering if all the things that i read about were true because a lot of people where testifying about his good work, But since i was desperate to get my lover back i had no choice than to contact him through these details whatsApp number +2348107155060 and via email: azaspellcaster@gmail.com And to my greatest surprise i was able to get a positive result that got me shocked because my lover called me within hours that i contacted Dr.AZA.

joel sandra said...

I never believed in spell casting, but After 6 years of dating, I still imagine how Dr Aza brought my ex lover back to me in just 24 hour. No one could have ever made me believe that there is a real spell caster that really work. am sandra by name,I want to quickly tell the world that there is a real on line spell caster that is powerful and genuine, His name is Dr Aza, He helped me recently to reunite my relationship when my ex lover who left me, When i contacted Dr Aza he cast a love spell for me and my ex lover who said he doesn't have anything to do with me again, he called me and started begging me. he is back now with so much love and caring. today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the powers of bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my lover,and the most surprise,is that our love is very strong,every day is happiness and joy. and there is nothing like been with the man you love.i am so happy my love is back to me with the help of Dr.Aza if you have similar problem i will advice you to contact him ,he is there to help you and put a smile on your face. his email: azaspellcaster@gmail.com or you can whatsApp his line:+2348107155060

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LAURA MAGGIE said...


I never knew people still have powers and make things happen this way. My name is Laura Maggie, my Husband Alexandra left me for another girl for three months ever since then my life have been filled with pains sorrow and heart break because he was my first love , A friend of mine Stephanie told me she saw some testimonies of this great Dr. Lucas babade Spell Temple that he can bring back my lover within some few days, i laugh it out and said i am not interested but because of the love my friend had for me, She consulted the great priest on my behalf and to my greatest surprise after three days my Husband called me for the very first time after three months that he is missing me and that he is so sorry for everything he made me pass through. i still can’t believe it, because it highly unbelievable it just too real to be real. Thank you Dr. Lucas babade for bringing back my Husband and also to my lovely friend who interceded on my behalf, for anyone who might need the help of this great priest you can contact the great Herbalist and a spell caster on Drlucasreunitingspell@hotmail.com Website:http://lucasreunitingexspell.webs.com

venessa roland said...

My name is Venessa Roland and I base in USA...My life is back!!! After 1 year of Broken marriage, my husband left me with four kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr Oguku, which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell that can help you get pregnant for your husband and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called jessica hiltom,she testified about how he brought back her husband back in less than 6 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr Oguku e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give him a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. and he give me some instruction i follow it within 5/6 days, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before Dr Oguku, is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man If you have a problem and you are looking for real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. you can contact him via email drogukusolutionhome@gmail.com
email drogukusolutionhome@yahoo.com call or whatsapp +2348108264684. His website: http://drogukusolutiohom.wixsite com/solution

myers elizabeth said...

i am very happy today with my family. My name is myers living in USA, My husband left me for a good 3 years now, and i love him so much, i have been looking for a way to get him back since then. i have tried many options but he did not come back, until i met a friend that darted me to Dr.Paul a spell caster, who helped me to bring back my husband after 2 weeks. Me and my husband are living happily together today, That man is great, you can contact him via email salvationlovespell@gmail.com… Now i will advice any serious persons that found themselves in this kind of problem to contact him now a fast solution without steress.. He always hello, now i call him my father.contact him now he is always online email (salvationlovespell@gmail.com) or contact him on whasapp +2349051441669

Unknown said...

Am CHLOE OLIS from united States This is a testimony that I will tell to every one to hear. I have been married four 8years and on the ninth year of my marriage, another woman did a spell to take my Husband away from me and my husband left me and my 2kids to suffered for 3years until I met a post where this man DR DAN have helped someone and I decided to give him a try to help me bring my Husband back home and believe me I just contacted him and he promise to help me and after 4days as he have told me, I saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why I am so happy now..... To every one of you in similar problem should please contact DR DAN and have your lover back to your LIFE. His email: blessedspellhome@hotmail.com or website http://blessedspellhome4.wixsite.com/mysite or call him +1317517818

Monica Jackson said...

All appreciation goes to the great Dr BAWADA that helped me to be re-connected back with my ex-boyfriend, it has been 4month since we got seperated. he saw me with another man and he believe we were having romantic between us. he asked who the person was i told him he was nothing but a friend. he was angry and since hat that he left and never wrote to me ever again. since then i have ben lonely and has visited most spell caster that all did many rituals for me and nothing changed. it got to a point that i thought it was over that i will ever be back with him again. one afternoon i was going through my friend blogs i saw Dr BAWADA restoring lovers back again. i was astonished and i wrote to him and asked for help and he said one word to me. my boy-friend will be back to me in 24hours after casting a love spell for me. surely after 24hours my boyfriend came back to me and the next day we got engaged now we are back together and happy. why not contact Dr Bawada today and witness his mighty powers on his email:drbawadasolutionhome@gmail.com or his website: http://drbawadasolutionho.wixsite.com/drbawada

Arthur Mike said...

Thanks to the man that help me solve all my problem i will for ever be grateful to you, he help me bring back my ex Husband in just 3days my life was ruined and i was loosing it every day, i read about him trough some testimonies and i sought the internet and go a lot about him, i contacted him and indeed he is real and great spell caster he can help you solve any kind of problem you can contact him email: priestojormonsolutiontemple@gmail.com . He is Priest Ojomon. He will help you get that;

-PROMOTION
-WIN THAT LOTTERY
-CAST ANY SPELL
-CURE THAT DISEASE
-GET YOUR EX-BACK

I am so grateful to you.

Sincerely
Zarco Bulajic

Angela wilson Dunn said...

Am writing this article to thank Dr.Trust for the wondrous miracle that he did for me because he helped me recently to bring back my Ex husband. Thank you sir for your genuine spells. This is really incredible,I have never experienced anything like this in my life. Before i met you Sir, i have tried every probable means that i could to get my husband back, but i actually came to realize that nothing was working out for me, and that my husband had developed lot of hatred for me.. I thought there was no hope to reunite with my husband. But when i read good reviews about how Dr.Trust help others get back there ex lovers, make others to win big on lottery, cure of any sickness. I decided to give it a try and i did everything that he instructed me and i Trusted him and followed his instructions just as he guaranteed me in 48 hours, and that was exactly when my husband called me and come back to me.. I'm so happy for the good work you did for me. We are more contented now than ever. Everything looks perfect and so natural! Thank you so much Sir for your authentic and indisputable spells. Email him now for help {Ultimatespellcast@yahoo.com or Ultimatespellcast@gmail.com} call +2348109842976 Web site https://ultimatespellcast9.wixsite.com/dr-trust Thanks Sir for your help.

Mandy Divanna said...

Real And Urgent Spell Caster Reviews To Solve Your Relationship Problem Dr Goodluck..
My mind, for some reason, wont let go of my memory's of My husband after i found out my Husband of 9years had been living a double life and we separated months ago because of him cheating I was totally frustrated and did not know how to bring him back home because i love him so much and have tried all my possible best all to no avail, as i was browsing on the internet i came across a post on YouTube about Dr Goodluck who help people with their relationship and marriage problem by the powers of love spells, at first I doubted if such thing ever exists but decided to give it a try, when I contacted him i told him everything and he told me that everything will be fine that my husband is going to come back to me, And he told me all i will need to provide him with and i did and he told me that he is going to cast a returning spell so that my husband will come back, he helped me cast a spell and guarantee me that my husband will come back to me and within 17hours, to my greatest surprise, my husband came back to me and started apologizing, now he has stopped going out with women and he is with me for good and for real. if you have any problem contact Dr Goodluck he is real and always ready to solve your problem, email him on goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com and you can also whatapp him or call with his mobile +2349059610309 and i promise you that he is going to help you with any problem OKay...

+2349059610309
goodluck05spellcaster@gmail.com
http://goodluck05spellcaster.yolasite.com

Junia Noel said...

My ex and I were together for 5 years. We lived together and were engaged. We went on a trip with friends and his family and had a nasty fight and broke up. We both moved out of our home and with our parents. We decided to go no contact for a month and 2 weeks in he started dating a girl and took her on a trip to California ( where we’ve gone the last 2 years on my bday) on my birthday weekend! After battling it out thru emails and a few meetings we finally came to see each other all of last week, i love him so much and i was so desperate to have him back coz i new that girl was not the right person for him so i have to save my relationship and reunite with me ex again so i try all i could to bring him back but all to avail i have be in contact with so many spell caster who only too my money and still nothing good work out of it, i ws so confuse and devastated one day trying to search on facebook, i come across a wonderful testimony of a lady on how a spell caster who she contacted also for love spell help her and bring her husband back to her with-in less day 2 days after the spell i was so fill with joy coz this lady meant my day and i regain my hope back so i directly and desperately email http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ coz i love my ex so much and i want him back all to my self so with-in 5 min,Dr happy email me back with hope and told me that i have found solution in him that i should worried no more so i did all he ask of me and he gave me assured and guarantee that my ex will come back so i believed and was so gifted all to my surprise after the spell my ex call, come to my working beg and apology for his mistake,and he said sorry for the nasty break up that he was inconsiderate of my feelings nt in tend to hurt me. i can testify with the power love spell of Dr happy me and my ex are happily married now thank you Dr happy i will for ever be grateful to you and keep sharing your testimony if you need help or love spell fine it difficult to get back with your ex, email happylovespell2@gmail.com or call his mobile number on +2348133873774

joel sandra said...

I never believed in spell casting, but After 6 years of dating, I still imagine how Dr Aza brought my ex lover back to me in just 24 hour. No one could have ever made me believe that there is a real spell caster that really work. am sandra by name,I want to quickly tell the world that there is a real on line spell caster that is powerful and genuine, His name is Dr Aza, He helped me recently to reunite my relationship when my ex lover who left me, When i contacted Dr Aza he cast a love spell for me and my ex lover who said he doesn't have anything to do with me again, he called me and started begging me. he is back now with so much love and caring. today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the powers of bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my lover,and the most surprise,is that our love is very strong,every day is happiness and joy. and there is nothing like been with the man you love.i am so happy my love is back to me with the help of Dr.Aza if you have similar problem i will advice you to contact him ,he is there to help you and put a smile on your face. his email: azaspellcaster@gmail.com or you can whatsApp his line:+2348107155060 or see more at http://azaspellcaster.wixsite.com/spell-caster

Monica Alvin said...

I am From United Kingdom.i am here to give testimony of how i got back my husband, we got married for more than 9 years and have gotten two kids. things were going well with us and we are always happy. until one day my husband started to behave in a way i could not understand, i was very confused by the way he treat me and the kids. later that month he did not come home again and he called me that he want a divorce, i asked him what have i done wrong to deserve this from him, all he was saying is that he want a divorce that he hate me and do not want to see me again in his life, i was mad and also frustrated do not know what to do,i was sick for more than 2 weeks because of the divorce. i love him so much he was everything to me without him my life is incomplete. i told my sister and she told me to contact a spell caster, i never believe in all this spell casting of a thing. i just want to try if something will come out of it. i contacted Dr Izehi for the return of my husband to me, they told me that my husband have been taken by another woman, that she cast a spell on him that is why he hate me and also want us to divorce. then they told me that they have to cast a spell on him that will make him return to me and the kids, they casted the spell and after a week my husband called me and he told me that i should forgive him, he started to apologize on phone and said that he still love me that he did not know what happen to him that he left me. it was the spell that Dr Izehi casted on him that make him to come back to me today,me and my family are now happy again today. thank you Dr Izehi for what you have done for me i would have been nothing today if not for your great spell. i want you my friends who are passing through all this kind of love problem of getting back their husband, wife , or ex boyfriend and girlfriend to contact: izehispellhome@gmail.com or call his phone number +2347019845256 and you will see that your problem will be solved without any delay

Thomas Duke said...

Hello world i am Thomas duke from USA maim, for about 5month now i have been having challenges with my girlfriend, she keep making excuses of going some places with her boss, and i was angry over this, and one late afternoon when she came home and i asked her why she keep coming late, she yelled on me that i should stop with the question and i shouted and that was it she became pissed and she left with her bags that she is leaving my life for good. i called her the next day and still the same happened. one evening i was checking out my brother blogs and i found it how Dr Adudu has re-unite broken relationship, i contacted his email:draduduspelltemple@gmail.com and after discussing with him on what i am going through, he said to me to me in 48hours my girlfriend will be back to me, and he cast a love spell for me and within 48hours my girlfriend run back apologizing to me, it was unbelievable but we are together and happy now. for more info contact his Mobile:+2349075217896 or his email:draduduspelltemple@gmail.com or his websites:http://draduduspelltemple.wixsite.com/dradudu...

Dana Muenck said...



Me and my husband got a dissolution after 28 years of marriage because my dad got sick and I had to move in with him and take care of him. He lost his Legg and my ex husband offered to move in with us to help me take care of him. We got back together and I bought a new King size bed TV and my dad had to go into a nursing home so I used the money I had saved up and bought a trailer off of my cousin. It needed a lot of work but we got it all fixed up. My dad passed away in July of last year and my ex husband sat me down a month later in August after our 2 grandson's birthday party and told me he has a girlfriend and I had to move out. I didn't know what to do I had no where to go. He kept taunting me every day telling me I had to get out because his girlfriend wasn't happy I was there. I couldn't take it anymore more and tried to take my life September the first. I met her a month after my dad died he invited her and her father to come over for coffee and I was super nice to them he said he knew her father and her when they lived in his small town. The following weekend was my grandson's party so I went to stay with my daughter for a couple of days and while I was at her house he brought her to our house and had sex with her in our bed all weekend. I found this out after I got out of the hospital because he had put all of my clothes in garbage bags and threw them in my daughters front yard. He kept almost everything I had when I moved in with my dad and everything I bought while I was there. He told me he used me to buy the trailer and fix it up because I had money and he didn't have any. He has no remorse for any of it hasn't seen his grandson's for a year. I can't move on every day I wish I would have just died. They celebrated their anniversary on August the 20th the day I went to my daughter's house. Our friends want nothing to do with me his family won't talk to me because he forbid them from it. I am 48 years old and losing my eyesight. I never thought my life would turn out like this. He was my best friend we were married when I was 16 years old he is all I have ever known. I miss him so much and love him. I don't know what to do any more until i contacted Dr.Oomirimiri via oomirimiri@gmail.com or call +2347038832903 who rescue me from my problems

Jasmine Jennifer said...

I am Jasmine Jennifer. i won EuroMillions Millionaire Raffle prize of �1,000,000 in Dec 2016, I took an advice from some person who talked about this great spell caster, the person placed a testimony on a blog saying how this priest helped him win the lottery by sending him the winning numbers , i was curious and i thought it was all joke not until i contacted this spell caster to know for myself how this work cos i have spend alots buying tickets and i never win. I contacted him and he told me the necessary thing that need to be done and i did it and he told me to wait for 3 days and on the 3rd day he truly gave me the winning numbers to play the lottery which i did, Can you believe my name was the first among winners. He told me my son all i need you to do for me is make sure that you share this testimony to others in need of help so that they can also win the lottery. I am sharing this testimony with everyone who needs help to win lottery. Contact this great priest through his email address odalospelltemple@gmail.com or call and whatsapp him on +2348063930531 and your financial problem will be solved forever just as mine was solved

Can Millet said...

I WANT AN URGENT LOVE SPELL TO GET BACK YOUR EX LOVER BACK BY DR. OGUDU STRONG LOVE SPELL WEBSITE: http://oguduspelltemple.wixsite.com/drogudu


!!!!!!!This is the most wonderful thing i have ever experienced, And i need to share this great testimony, I just want to say thanks to Dr. Ogudu for taking time to help me cast the spell that brought back my ex husband, my name is CAN MILLET FROM USA, I want to share my testimony and my happiness with you all in this site, last year my husband left me for another woman in his working place and he abandon me and my two (2) kids, everything was so hard for me and the kids because i love him so much, so i saw the testimonies of DR OGUDU, On how he has been helping ladies in getting there husband back so i contacted him and he help me to cast a return spell for my husband and the next day my husband left the other woman and he came back to me pleading for forgiveness with so much love and caring. i will never forget this help that DR OGUDU gave to me and my children. if you are here you need help to get you lover back you cancontact him via email-------OGUDUSPELLTEMPLE@YAHOO.COM// WHATSAPP NUMBER +2348106058254/ /WEBSITE---http://oguduspelltemple.wixsite.com/drogudu

joel sandra said...

I never believed in spell casting, but After 6 years of dating, I still imagine how Dr Aza brought my ex lover back to me in just 24 hour. No one could have ever made me believe that there is a real spell caster that really work. am sandra by name,I want to quickly tell the world that there is a real on line spell caster that is powerful and genuine, His name is Dr Aza, He helped me recently to reunite my relationship when my ex lover who left me, When i contacted Dr Aza he cast a love spell for me and my ex lover who said he doesn't have anything to do with me again, he called me and started begging me. he is back now with so much love and caring. today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the powers of bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my lover,and the most surprise,is that our love is very strong,every day is happiness and joy. and there is nothing like been with the man you love.i am so happy my love is back to me with the help of Dr.Aza if you have similar problem i will advice you to contact him ,he is there to help you and put a smile on your face. his email: azaspellcaster@gmail.com or you can whatsApp his line:+2348107155060 or see more at http://azaspellcaster.wixsite.com/spell-caster

Unknown said...

My name is VIVIAN, From Mary Land.. My world and my life is back!!! After one year of Broken relationship, my husband left me for know reason. I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. (Thanks to a spell caster called Dr UZOYA), which i met on line. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the Internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer, HIV,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called CINDY,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than two days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr UZOYA e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try.I contacted him and explained my problem to him, he told me In 48 hours my husband will came back to me. to my surprise my husband came to my house asking me to forgive him We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before..Is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. He's legit. Contact him on HIS EMAIL [driraborspellcaster@gmail.com] OR call him on +13019098775

Unknown said...

My name is Vicky Hicks from USA My boyfriend and I were happy as far as I could tell and I never thought that we would break up. When his cousin died in a tragic car accident he went back to Canada for a week to be with his family. I could not go because I was in the middle of entertaining out of town clients for work. He did not seem to be upset that I could not go so I let him be. The next thing that I know, he reconnected with an old friend from high school that he had a crush on years ago and they started to have an affair! I had no clue what was going on until a month after he came back from Canada.He proceeded to see both her and I until I caught him testing her one night. I confronted him and he told me the truth about what happened. We broke up and went our separate ways. Neither of us fought for our relationship. I was angry and decided not to be upset about it and just keep it moving. Then after about a month of not speaking to him I became sad. I wanted him to tell me that he wanted to be with me and not her. I contacted Dr.OCUSODO for a love spell and he totally helped me! he was able to get him to miss me to where he wanted to get back together again. He had a lot of regrets and felt bad for not fighting to keep me and for cheating in general. He values our relationship so much more, now and we are together now! You can also get your lover back with the help of Dr. OCUSODO contact him through his email:drocusodospellcaster@gmail.com or drocusodospellcaster@yahoo.com his contact number +2349067457724

Unknown said...

My name is Elizabeth Romero from UK. I am here to give testimony on how I got my husband back, my husband left me for no reason 6 Month. He moved in with another woman, I felt like killing myself, my life became very bitter and sorrowful. Then 1 day, a friend of mine told me about a great spell caster that is very good and she said that he told her all about her life history and the problem she is facing, i didn't believe it because I've worked with so many of them and it didn't work. She begged me further so I decided to try this great spell caster called Great Dr OCUSODO. I still didn't believe, but inside me i wanted to give a try and as God will have it, i used the spell solution he gave me and the next day I received a call from my darling husband Romero last month. He apologized and came back to me. I'm very happy now with my family it worked for me and i believe it will work for you too just give him a try and follow up this is a clear truth from a testifier. Thank you Dr ODUSODO once again, if you want to reach him via email: drocusodospellcaster@gmail.com or drocusodospellcaster@yahoo.com contact number +2349067457724, WEXSITE https://drocusodospellcast.wixsite.com/dr-ocusodo

Junia Noel said...

My ex and I were together for 5 years. We lived together and were engaged. We went on a trip with friends and his family and had a nasty fight and broke up. We both moved out of our home and with our parents. We decided to go no contact for a month and 2 weeks in he started dating a girl and took her on a trip to California ( where we’ve gone the last 2 years on my bday) on my birthday weekend! After battling it out thru emails and a few meetings we finally came to see each other all of last week, i love him so much and i was so desperate to have him back coz i new that girl was not the right person for him so i have to save my relationship and reunite with me ex again so i try all i could to bring him back but all to avail i have be in contact with so many spell caster who only too my money and still nothing good work out of it, i ws so confuse and devastated one day trying to search on facebook, i come across a wonderful testimony of a lady on how a spell caster who she contacted also for love spell help her and bring her husband back to her with-in less day 2 days after the spell i was so fill with joy coz this lady meant my day and i regain my hope back so i directly and desperately email http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ coz i love my ex so much and i want him back all to my self so with-in 5 min, Dr happy email me back with hope and told me that i have found solution in him that i should worried no more so i did all he ask of me and he gave me assured and guarantee that my ex will come back so i believed and was so gifted all to my surprise after the spell my ex call, come to my working beg and apology for his mistake,and he said sorry for the nasty break up that he was inconsiderate of my feelings nt in tend to hurt me. i can testify with the power love spell of Dr happy me and my ex are happily married now thank you Dr happy i will for ever be grateful to you and keep sharing your testimony if you need help or love spell fine it difficult to get back with your ex, email happylovespell2@gmail.com or call his mobile number on +2348133873774

Elizabeth said...


Hello. Everyone out there my name is Mrs Elizabeth Logan I am here to inform you all about the good things that happened in my life. when I had a divorce with my husband some few months back. Me and my husband had a divorce due to some family crisis in our home my husband absents in the home was like war in my life when I came across an old friend of mine who described me to great native doctor called DR.ZACK BALO. when I first hard of it I thought of it as a joke till when I discussed with him about my situation. Then he told me to buy some items which I bought. And with about 3days. after my husband which I never saw up to eight months came back home and was begging me for forgiveness which I happily accepted. And up till now me and my family have being living happily ever after and also all thanks was to DR.ZACK BALO and also if have a problem such as mine or you are having a sickness such as HIV/AIDS or seeking from HERPES VIRUS, CANCER you can easily email him on wiseindividualspell@gmail.com or call him on his phone +2348078927387 and also I am using this medium to tell you people to please help me thank DR.ZACK BALO for his wonderful job that has being done by him and may God bless him in Jesus name amen!!!

Junia Noel said...

My ex and I were together for 5 years. We lived together and were engaged. We went on a trip with friends and his family and had a nasty fight and broke up. We both moved out of our home and with our parents. We decided to go no contact for a month and 2 weeks in he started dating a girl and took her on a trip to California ( where we’ve gone the last 2 years on my bday) on my birthday weekend! After battling it out thru emails and a few meetings we finally came to see each other all of last week, i love him so much and i was so desperate to have him back coz i new that girl was not the right person for him so i have to save my relationship and reunite with my ex again so i try all i could to bring him back but all to avail i have be in contact with so many spell caster who only too my money and still nothing good work out of it, i ws so confuse and devastated one day trying to search on facebook, i come across a wonderful testimony of a lady on how a spell caster who she contacted also for love spell help her and bring her husband back to her with-in less day 2 days after the spell i was so fill with joy coz this lady meant my day and i regain my hope back so i directly and desperately email http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ coz i love my ex so much and i want him back all to my self so with-in 5 min, Dr happy email me back with hope and told me that i have found solution in him that i should worried no more so i did all he ask of me and he gave me assured and guarantee that my ex will come back so i believed and was so gifted all to my surprise after the spell my ex call, come to my working place, beg and apology for his mistake and he said sorry for the nasty break up that he was inconsiderate of my feelings nt in tend to hurt me. i can testify with the power love spell of Dr happy me and my ex are happily married now thank you Dr happy i will for ever be grateful to you and keep sharing your testimony if you need help or love spell fine it difficult to get back with your ex, email happylovespell2@gmail.com
Call or Whas-app him on +2348133873774
web site and know more about him, http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/

Kathy said...



I am KATHY by name. Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony. I have been rejected by my husband after three(3) years of marriage just because another woman had a spell on him and he left me and the kid to suffer. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster on this address Reunitingexspell@gmail.com , have help a woman to get back her husband and i gave him a reply to his address and he told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and he told me that he will help me and after 2 days that i will have my husband back. i believed him and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband. Thanks for Dr.MAGBU. His email: Reunitingexspell@gmail.com


michelle helena G said...

Hello to you all on this page, am Helena, i want to use this opportunity to share with you all on this page how i was able to get back with my man Jackson, after 2 years of breakup, it all started 2014 when my husband traveled from our city texas to Florida for work where he met this other lady since then my husband started to treat me like am was nobody until one day he left the house to start living with this other lady, me and our daughter of a year and 2 months then, were left alone, i cried and tried everything possible to plead with he to make he return home, but nothing worked, and i loved my husband so much and i knew he loved me as well, at this time i noticed all was not in it right senses with my husband, i made up my mind not to rest until am able to get my family back on track again, September 23 2015 my friend Darcy from Houston told me about this powerful spell caster, called Dr Gozza of hollygozzasolutiontemple@gmail.com, at whom she claim has helped her and some others with relationship issues,at first i was skeptical about this thing called spell casting, but after thinking for days i said to give it a try because i loved my husband and i want my child to grown up with both parents , i contact this Dr Gozza on his email, and also texted him on the phone, and explained everything that has happened between me and my husband to he , and he told me what to do, i did it all and he told to wait for three days after his work i will get a text from my husband, after three days of his work i actually got a sweet and apology text from my man to me it was like wow, and it was like a dream come through, so me and Jackson my lovely husband started again and till this moment we are still together in love okay, so with this great work done for me by this man , i vowed to share to the world my experience with he so whosoever in such situation, marriage, heartbreak, any kind of relationship problems/issues. can also contact him, his contact details below
Email;hollygozzasolutiontemple@gmail.com
phone number; +2349067051818

Jasmin said...

This is a testimony that i will tell to every one to hear. i have been married for three years and on the 4th years of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my husband away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until i met Dr. Magbu of REUNITING EX SPELL TEMPLE where so many people have been helped and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my lover back home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 4hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you in similar to visit this man via Email reunitingexspell@gmail.com and have your lover back to your self.

Junia Noel said...

My ex and I were together for 5 years. We lived together and were engaged. We went on a trip with friends and his family and had a nasty fight and broke up. We both moved out of our home and with our parents. We decided to go no contact for a month and 2 weeks in he started dating a girl and took her on a trip to California ( where we’ve gone the last 2 years on my bday) on my birthday weekend! After battling it out thru emails and a few meetings we finally came to see each other all of last week, i love him so much and i was so desperate to have him back coz i new that girl was not the right person for him so i have to save my relationship and reunite with my ex again so i try all i could to bring him back but all to avail i have be in contact with so many spell caster who only too my money and still nothing good work out of it, i ws so confuse and devastated one day trying to search on facebook, i come across a wonderful testimony of a lady on how a spell caster who she contacted also for love spell help her and bring her husband back to her with-in less day 2 days after the spell i was so fill with joy coz this lady meant my day and i regain my hope back so i directly and desperately email http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/ coz i love my ex so much and i want him back all to my self so with-in 5 min, Dr happy email me back with hope and told me that i have found solution in him that i should worried no more so i did all he ask of me and he gave me assured and guarantee that my ex will come back so i believed and was so gifted all to my surprise after the spell my ex call, come to my working place, beg and apology for his mistake and he said sorry for the nasty break up that he was inconsiderate of my feelings nt in tend to hurt me. i can testify with the power love spell of Dr happy me and my ex are happily married now thank you Dr happy i will for ever be grateful to you and keep sharing your testimony if you need help or love spell fine it difficult to get back with your ex, email happylovespell2@gmail.com
Call or Whas-app him on +2348133873774
web site and know more about him, http://happyspelltemple.webs.com/