I'm having a very quiet day. Theoretically I should be either pitching or trying to do Proper Writing. I don't have that many days that are totally empty like this, so I should take advantage of them. I've earned about 40p from writing this year. I can't even afford laurels to rest on. I could rest on: chicken wood shavings. Fallen leaves. Discarded child socks. That's about it.
Unfortunately the empty hours of limitless possibility are just depressing the hell out of me and I still have no ideas and the doomed fiction I have been desultorily toying with for months looks shit when I go back to it, so here I am. I have made several dental appointments, ordered a document from the DVLA and done my overdue VAT return, so there is no procrastination left to me.
Hang on, there's still the laundry! To the basement!
Ok, now I've even finished the laundry. Mmmmm, laundry. Shit. Let's do some lists.
Reasons for self-loathing
1. Bad thoughts, various.
2. Bought some of that chocolate I told myself I must never buy again because I am powerless to resist it.
3. Refused to assist late child finding missing shoe because they had spent previous half hour watching YouTube videos. Justified, perhaps, but arsehole-ish.
4. Not writing.
5. No ideas.
6. €500 overdrawn, but have randomly ordered 6 bars of chocolate on the Internet today BECAUSE, OH I DON'T KNOW. Hormones, maybe.
7. Weird, quite creepy obsession with true crime podcasts. Aural rubbernecking.
8. Keep trying to give up Twitter and keep failing. It makes me feel bad, because everyone is better at everything than me and I get sad and hate them. But then I had an amusing exchange about this awful chocolate (this is NOT either of the chocolates mentioned above) and this even worse photo from the chocolate wrapper:
and that kind of thing is the reason I keep coming back even though I KNOW it's rotting my brain.
9. Continued enfattening due to perpetual desire for melted cheese and alcohol. Frustration with enfattening. Failure to do anything about it other than consume even more melted cheese.
1. Picard has its winter range in at last, so I can go back to not having to think about lunch (ugh, thinking) and just rotate Picard soups.
2. Ru Paul's Drag Race s7 is now on Netflix, and no form of visual entertainment makes me happier than Drag Race. The episode I watched today had Shakespeare AND beards and the lines "I'm serving bearded gladiator gothic fierceness" and "I'm bringing emancipation proclamation realness." (drag queen dressed as Abraham Lincoln), both of which I loved so much I had to write them down.
3. It's getting colder and the colder it gets the more cheerful I (usually) become.
4. I have made scones as part of my displacement smorgasbord of activities and they are delicious.
5. The heating being on.
6. It's nearly Shit Uccle Halloween time! These guys are ready
Things I hate
1. Our new boiler which takes 20 minutes to produce a reluctant dribble of warmish water.
2. The return of saxo-neighbour.
3. Crap dog shit bags that are badly perforated and rip.
4. This fucking iphone update which has turned me into a stereotypical angry old person. What? WHAT? *stabs at phone with furious finger*
5. Skiing. This is not new or relevant, I've just bunged it in. Though apparently we are going at Christmas so jolly fucking great, time to spend a hundred million euros, break a limb and get repeated static electric shocks whilst freezing cold.
6. My defective aching hips. I walk like Mrs Overall.
7. Chocolate that tells you what to do.
8. Spot on my cheek.
9. Being stalked around the internet daily by an extremely unsexy pair of men's slippers I once had the misfortune to look at and a t-shirt my son bought months ago.
Things I don't hate
1. My friends, who are very good at the sharing of various forms of mid-life gloom/despair/anger in amusing and consolatory ways.
2. Melted cheese.
Oh good, I have managed to idle away all my available time now and the children will be arriving to criticise my many chins, ask for money and generally be surly and insolent. Hurrah!
I hope your Monday has been less ridiculous than mine. What do you hate/not hate? Do you have reasons for self-loathing or tiny pleasures you wish to share with the group?