The Yorkshire Vet
Last night was not a vintage episode, though my beloved was pleasingly repelled by some lingering and frequently repeated shots of a tumour the size of a melon being removed from a dog's head, and of a cow having a small rubber tyre which had grown into its skin taken off its leg. The children left before it started, revolted at the mere idea.
The full rundown:
- Cow ankle/tyre removal
- Melon tumour labrador (good outcome, but looked like it was wearing a fur-coated bowler hat)
- Basset hound puppies (too small and slimy to be cute)
- The demise of Spitfire the cat and arrival of his replacement
- Amputation of wing of Squeaky the black swan
HOWEVER, it was excellent in at least one respect because it introduced as a minor character (= new mate for Squeaky) a swan called John. John the Swan. John. The. Swan. "I bought him from a man in Sutton," said John's owner, who had constructed a sort of temporary paddock for them while Squeaky recuperated, including a paddling pool and parasol. "His mate had been killed by an otter."
SO MANY QUESTIONS. Next week, the return of the priapic alpacas (yes, good name for an indie band).
For fuck's sake Marks et Spencer, knock it off
I think they were already doing this atrocity last year, but I don't think it reached Belgium. Clearly the product development team were not ferociously beaten enough over the summer if they feel it appropriate to bring them out again.
Even prosecco and berry crisps might be better than my gastronomic experience this morning, where I absent-mindedly picked up a crumb from the table with the tip of my finger and put it in my mouth, then, startled by its crunchiness and unusual flavour, took it out again to see that I was in fact eating a small insect. I must say it wasn't actively disgusting, just... unexpected. Perhaps I am in fact more apocalypse ready than I hitherto realised?
Try on something expensive and don't buy it = a saving of €125, justifying purchase of 5 bars of expensive chocolate and a pair of H&M trousers (on M's infallible recommendation, thus deduct 50% of purchase price). Even so, given my only "work product" today has been 3 40 word listings, this is not sustainable. I am going to have to think about and then decide not to buy LOADS of other expensive stuff to sort out my finances.
35% No apple turnovers in Marks et Spencer sadness
30% Damp socks and bad umbrella
20% Less bad tempered than I was this morning (not saying much)
15% Wishing I were here. Cocktails and skinks for all!