Let's have some normality around here (NB: apart from obligatory promo for Waterstones Brussels Event tomorrow, here. There is wine! For free! I am making cookies! We will discuss the time I made a cake in the shape of Guy Verhofstadt's face!* There may also be a slightly book related part at the end of this post, ssssh).
1. I tried to do some baking today and my spatula got caught in the blade of my Kitchen Aid, arced across the kitchen and landed in a bowl of eggs, exploding three of them, a series of events so improbable it would be impossible to reproduce. This is the universe telling me not to do baking. That is a shame since I really want to attempt another ludicrous cake soon - possibly an Opéra/Bamboo or an Antarès, but oh, I have the macaron fear and also the Joconde fear, and other varieties of almond and egg white based terror.
2. This ludicrous apocalypse weather. I have seen more hailstones this week than in the entire rest of my life. The chickens are funny with hail. Initially they think it is food and peck excitedly at it, then they get more and more confused and bedraggled and finally run away and hide, only to be fooled as soon as the next hailstorm comes (currently, that is about 45 seconds after the previous one). That is the only good thing about hail. I had to wear my Goretex cagoule today to go INTO THE TOWN, the actual town, where city sophisticates (= shoeless street drinkers) mill around, in a sophisticated fashion. This constitutes is a whole new level of middle aged shame, but man, it was seductive with its many pockets and weather resistance.
3. Pepper, the ultimate dickhead hen, has a new quirk, which involves sitting on top of her water bucket, throne-style, then shitting into the water, which I then have to change. Feathered devil.
4. All that stuff in that article about pets I wrote is truer than ever - we have ANOTHER ailing tortoise. I have been rubbing two kinds of ointment on its eye and have had to make an appointment with the Specialist With The Very High Pitched Voice who is far away, so that's Saturday sorted.
5. 5am dread infused wake ups appear to be a regular thing for S/S 16.
6. May, the freelancer's month of dread in continental Europe, is approaching rapidly. In preparation for the endless assortment of random mid-week public holidays, F is off school already tomorrow. Next week all hell breaks loose and I believe they are only going to school for 2 days total. It continues in this vein for weeks. God help us all.
7. I have missed two Dutch classes and am super-behind and the girl who is really good at Dutch will have zoomed past me and I will be left behind at tomorrow's class, raging and ashamed and unable to do my irregular imperfects.
8. I am also very behind on my admin and a trail of mislaid pieces of paper dances just out of my sight in every corner of the house. Well, I assume they do, I certainly can't find any of them.
9. Bin night.
1. There seem to be a profusion of amusing docu-soaps on TV currently. I have enjoyed: The Yorkshire Vet, again (my whole family hate me since I made them watch the Yorkshire vet castrating a succession of alpacas and tossing their testicles into a pile of hay, but I am unrepentant). Throwing Money at the Process of Having a Baby, or something (millionaire maternity at the Portland. I used to walk past this place often and rubber-neck for celebrities without success), Billionaires Horrible Interior Decoration (which has had the unfortunate side effect of making me LONG for a bespoke bed at £40,000 of your finest pounds) The Island with (or rather without) Bear Grylls, etc etc. I haven't had to think in the evening for weeks.
2. Email exchange with B ending with me writing "Hmm, spider penis sounds awfully familiar. I am sure we have discussed spider penis before."
3. We have put the fire on because of the apocalypse weather and it is SO cosy, though this year's logs are so large I can only stagger up the stairs with one at a time.
4. The Great Big Lizard brought this GIF to my attention and now I cannot stop watching it for lo, it is perfection. The way it pans up to the capybara. Who is the genius behind it?
5. Frite night.
6. Lots of kindness of various kinds.
For your consideration
This on French dressing for The Pool, where I am also the Bedtime Book Club Book this week should you wish to try before you buy (the pygmy goat is only a gazillion copies away).
Katyboo wrote this and it is beautiful and thoughtful and gets it and I feel extremely lucky. I know it is disgusting behaviour to link to this and I will smite myself with scorpions all night or failing that lie awake in sweaty dread, because that is my current MO.
20% Frustration at ongoing failure to watch most recent ep of Line of Duty
20% Cake concerns
15% I should probably wash my wig
10% But I probably won't bother.