Wednesday, 13 April 2016

Brevity (is the soul of frite night)

My aim for tonight's post is as follows: to finish by half past ten so I can go to bed and watch Line of Duty on the iPlayer. Commitment to quality, right here.


1. The Internet has been amusing today. I have enjoyed:

The two medieval monks invent cartography

Goat in Starbucks, an expert writes (according to B his friend was actually there during the Goat Incident)

Owl on a toy horse

Owl child

2. Since I started learning Dutch I no longer need to put the titles on Beleef de Lente videos into Google Translate and can read for myself "seventh egg" for the kingfisher and "an egg soon?" for the little owls. Bird fanciers, I commend to you the tawny owl chicks (bosuil) tonight, because they are nearing maximum cuteness.

3. I ordered myself some posh new shoes as a premature book present and they arrived today without getting lost in the bowels of Bastardpost and I love them.

4. I am reading Nina Stibbe's new book, which is bloody brilliant of course and there was a section in it today that left me helpless with laughter, where the heroine writes a list of British euphemisms ("in nice writing with tasteful but honest illustrations") for her new boss.

5. Wednesday night is frite night and the frites were as good as ever.

6. Found a crumpled forgotten €20 note stuffed in the bottom of my wallet.

7. Several more sightings of book in the wild, including by B who BOUGHT it.


1. First week of spring-like weather = return of FULL BODY ITCHING.

2. My lizard brain has decided it is time to start worrying about getting sued.

3. My son's phone keeps buzzing hysterically as his class send each other semi-literate (and that's generous) messages (eg. J mon bar les coui for the lovely phrase "je m'en bats les couilles", I beat my testicles with it, meaning 'I don't give a shit about it' literally just read this off screen as I went to turn it off AGAIN), distracting me from my 10:30 deadline. #youth

4. The thing I am trying to finish writing has taken me far too long and is still awful.

5. I am getting fat again after last summer's madness left me pleasingly thinner. This is due to dietary creep, ie. almost imperceptibly adding more stealth food to my daily intake and pretending to myself that I haven't done it. Half a pretzel here, a couple of squares of chocolate (no, not "good quality dark chocolate") there, five thousand frites everywhere. Sigh.

6. It's already 10:38.


40% twitchy
20% beef dripping
20% bin night blues
20% dry lip picking



Unknown said...

Who are you going to get sued by? Surely not something you wrote in your book?!

Waffle said...

Renia - It's not rational. There is nothing rational in my head right now.

Anonymous said...

You look positively skinny in the photos in the Telegraph, just saying!
After several stress-filled months and still not out of the tunnel, I find myself eating compulsively when anxiety gets the better of me. I know I shouldn't have a second breakfast at 11 am but somehow the jitters get the upper hand and I end up doing it. Plus biscuits and all manner of snacks during the day. The combination of too much food, several hours sitting down working and lack of motivation to exercise is not a good one. I know exactly what I'm doing wrong but somehow I can't manage to stop myself. Maybe on some weird level it's comforting or numbing to feed myself like this, but I know rationally it's stupid. Summer is looming and soon I will have to cast off my coat and wear stuff that won't conceal how much weight I have put on in the last six months. Lizard brain is so annoying, wtf evolution?

Simon said...

My eldest daughter's phone vibrates like mad most evenings as she gets notifications from all her classmates Skype-chatting each other.

Nimble said...

Shoessss!!!! I hope they are at least somewhat comfortable. They look shinywonderful.

Speranza said...

Your writing is always screamingly funny and bright.
Where else can one find a Cowboy Owl, funky shoes and amygdala references all in one go.
Amaaazing, don't say it's not.
Can't wait to read the book!

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