Thursday, 3 March 2016

Wallpaper Face

Mrs T says I should blog daily in the run up to book publication and she knows what she's talking about, so here I am again. God help us all, there are nearly two months to go. There's a week in early April when I'm in Yorkshire with no Internet though, so that'll be a nice break for you.

Things I have told to fuck off today

James Dyson on an advert - and I'd do it again in a heartbeat
Chicken
Neighbour (through the wall)
Washing Machine
A spreadsheet
Tights
Home phone
My own shoelaces


Things that I am disproportionately and irrationally annoyed by today

All of the above

People drinking water out of mugs, this is a waste of a good mug, use a glass, damn you.

The dog's insistence on waiting until I have walked a good 200 yards ahead of him in the park, then furtively shitting so I have to go all the way back and try and work out where he was to do my civic hondenpoep orapen duty. This is sort of rational, though my belief he does it on purpose isn't.

My shitty little goat bleat of a persistent dry cough

Teeth

Teenage inertia

My own inability to resist slice after slice of leftover birthday cake, godammit

Everything

Everyone (present company excepted, of course)


Percentage likelihood I may be hormonal 

99.999999%


Good stuff

Basically just this "The horse is known for its malice" "You have a very muted reaction to losing your limbs"


I'm off to sulk in the cellar. What are you unreasonably tetchy about today?

11 comments:

MJ said...

Excellent, excellent idea to post every day. It will help get me through the dreary month of a Canadian March, where it's not snowy enough to ski but too miserable to do anything else and the snow or grass is all brown. (Of course, now it's all very pretty and white but when the school break comes it's forecast to all disappear.) In return, I will order your book.
I am unbelievably tetchy about my wretched cold which has been with me for several days. It refuses to improve leaving me feeling miserable. (If I had left the house I would undoubtedly be tetchy about other things but I haven't.)

kim said...

oh my god teenage inertia...its one of those things you simply cannot fathom until you are faced with it for years on end. Who knew it would be so horrifically irritating

Also, ya to every day blogging...it will do wonders to feed my procrastination habit.Grateful.

frau antje said...

As little gods of misery are my witness, finding some asstwat's over the top noise annoying is rational. Picking up shit? You're on your own.

I am irrationally impressed by that natural history(?) museum. Jesus, I thought this was disturbing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0ImI8FRkMc

blackbird said...

You would think I'd be thrilled but the new computer at my office hurts my eyes.
Also, my flex spend health account is not at all flexible and I'm going to murder the customer service person.

CJ said...

My children are unable to walk down the road like other people's children, ie. without hitting each other, shoving each other into hedges and the road, kicking each other, chasing each other and winding each other up. I have put my foot down with a firm hand today and tomorrow they will miraculously be pleasant to all and sundry. Similar amount of hormones here, it does make me feel rather filled with rage. I'm wondering if you should maybe schedule seven posts to tide us over while you're away, you don't want us losing momentum do you? CJ xx

Justine said...

God - my children are making irrationally screamy / mad old ladyish today. As I said to my husband, "they seemed like a good idea at the time".

What else??? My fringe that is currently growing out, the dry skin on my hands, the American election - especially seeing as though I am a resident, but not a citizen and thus cannot vote, Donald Trump just because, and high protein diets - one of which I am currently subjecting myself to.

I could go on, but I'm irritating myself, so best not to!



Waffle said...

Frau A - I only got as far as the dead eyed/tinted glasses/terrifyingly formal guide and was so freaked out I had to stop

Dale said...

Yay for the everyday blogging, I do love it so. Irritations: as remarked above, the American election for bombast, hand-wringing, and apocalyptic commentary. There are only so many superlatives in the language, people, don't use them up. The continued illness of a colleague which is causing me extra work (the poor soul cannot help it, so my irritation counts as mean-spirited as well as pointless). The inability of one of my offspring to learn from experience (very long, unedifying story --- but an evergreen source of despair).

Unknown said...

Ack, I was drinking water from a mug as I read this. The shame.

I live in the US and want to buy your book. Will it be published here? I'd rather pay for a Kindle copy than have it shipped across the ocean, but I'll happily buy it from the UK if that's my only option.

Waffle said...

Unknown Nooooooo, no one will publish it in the US. It is "too dark" for the US. *rends garments*. I am sorry. I forgive you for the mug, because it wasn't one of MY GOOD MUGS, which is the actual problem here.

Unknown said...

Too dark is even better. ;) Amazon UK it is.