I can however tell you about our trip - imposed by me - to the excellently strange Musée de la Chasse et de la Nature, to which everyone accompanied me very reluctantly indeed. We were followed around by a lonely, garrulous and really quite strange security guard who insisted on giving us a full commentary on all the works by contemporary artists that were part of the temporary exhibition. "This gentleman tied a chicken to his penis to protest about something...." "This man looks just like Bruce Willis..." "This model of a heart is by an artist who went to Romania to inject herself with mare's blood... It's illegal here."
Me (fascinated, ignoring furiously reproachful gaze of eldest child): What did the mare's blood do to her???
Guard (mysteriously): It made her Sleepy.
When his back was turned next to the animatronic talking boar's head they made me run away to the second floor which was almost entirely empty apart from a very strange room with a gigantic (fake) stuffed gorilla:
and some of the most disturbing wallpaper known to man:
These dogs are how I look most mornings
On the ground floor there is this ceiling decoration, which is probably the most famous bit of the museum and an excellent interior design element for any dwelling, I would Pinterest the fuck out of it:
There were also some baboons playing cards:
And this delightful fox on a chair:
The whole excursion was received with a sort of blank horror/resignation by my family and after the gorilla, my suggestion we go and look at the model guillotine and Proust's bedroom in the Carnavalet was greeted with literally no enthusiasm whatsoever. Faced with this mass cultural insurrection, I gave in and we went for lunch instead. Philistines.
Here are some live animals in case the stuffed ones are not up your strasse either, in the form of a gigantic Normandy cow (the best cows):
... and some sheep that had been decorated with pompoms for reasons that were not explained whatsoever. Perhaps you don't need a reason? Are the pompoms made with the sheep's actual wool? So many questions.
20% Toothache/toothache dread/toothache denial/telling myself it's just the wrong toothpaste
20% Mary Berry's chocolate fudge icing
20% Child wrangling disinclination
20% Law procrastination
20% Is this it