Tuesday, 29 March 2016

Les vestiges du Colin

You can't have religieuses every day. Sometimes you have to eat the leftover shards of Colin the Caterpillar's half price chocolate "apple" (crapple). Sometimes you're very glad of them.


- Toothache. They should just take them all out and give me wooden ones like George Washington. I'm still pretending it's not happening which is a fine long-term strategy with a proud Beddington history (my grandfather had 3 teeth at the end of his life, this seems plenty).

- The school holidays, chiz chiz. F spent much of the morning firing maths questions at me, simply for his own amusement. L is - unwillingly, of course - at a morning holiday gulag. "It looks like The Bridge Café in The Apprentice" he said this morning, then, gloomily, this evening "I still have nine more hours community service to go". They are both at a difficult age, holiday activity wise and I have no idea how we will all get through the endless summer holidays without feasting on each other's spinal fluid.

- Up since 6, which makes no sense since the clock change went the other way.

- Dozed off whilst lying on rug with dog and dropped phone heavily and painfully on my own face.

- My new mug is lost somewhere in the bowels of "ParcelForce Worldwide" due to "insufficient address".


- I only need to get through 3 more days and we head to the Dales.

- Ludicrous new professionals GBBO style show. I enjoyed this, despite terrifying pronunciation of the word "feuillantine" mainly due to snippy team recriminations and the outside possibility of sugarwork disaster. Obviously it is no Bake Off, nor indeed Qui Sera Le Prochain Grand Pâtissier, the French equivalent, which last year had someone fashioning an authentically rusted Le Creuset pot out of chocolate, then filling it with cakes and which features Christophe Adam, about whom I have Feelings. There is, however, this judge who is from Normandy and who is taking absolutely no shit from anyone and told one team they had to pull their next cakes "from your backsides" which sounds interesting but not delicious.

- Waking at 6 meant finally finishing the thing I have been dithering over for weeks and therefore having time to start a little lacklustre VAT.

- I think - though this may be premature - I can retire my parka for the spring. I managed to go out in a much lighter jacket today without succumbing to second degree hypothermia. If confirmed, this would be a good thing as my parka has been widely described as bringing shame on the family with its combination of biro marks, grime and escaping, broken lining.

- I really enjoyed reading this on a Hillary Clinton meet and greet.

- I caught the dog in my office snuggling a plush tortoise and he was thrilled to see me:

Then he got into a sulk and rested his head angrily on the storage heater for the remainder of the afternoon:

Hello, I am ridiculous


30% Constant catering
30% Easter/clock change jetlag. Why are we having our dinner so late? What day is it? Who am I? Why hasn't someone killed that chicken yet? 
20% General aesthetic consternation
10% Colin
10% Colin induced spots



Melisa said...

That's so unexpectedly canine of weepette to snuggle with a plush toy! Is he feeling all right?!

(I never have anything but inane comments for you but sometimes I feel like I might as well go for it anyway.)

Margaret said...


Anonymous said...

I've just been having quite loud hysterics* at the Oscar photos. "Hello, I am ridiculous" is the perfect caption for 98% of the attitudes and positions we in which find our weepette Honey.

*so loud and hysterical that my husband called out from the loo to see if I was alright. He thought I was sobbing?! I have now shown him Oscar and he totally understands. Honey meanwhile is lying awkwardly and off-centeredly on her dog cushion with two-thirds of her body on the hard wooden floor, including her head. "Hello, I am ridiculous".

Waffle said...

Marley - I know EXACTLY the position you describe. They are like reverse giraffes and must have head lower than body in repose. Ridiculous.

frau antje said...

Up (Down?): Let back in, like an errant chicken. Border guard unclear on his function asked how the trip was in the local cant. Shrugged and said, "Ok."
"Ahh, you understand, but don't speak--"
"In naam van Oranje, doe open de poort. Alsje-alsje-alsjeblieft. How's that?"
He put my residency card into my passport and handed it back with a slightly confused smile. (only try this if you are white, middle class and very sad for YOURSELF)
100% jetlag. Fit for nothing but waiting for your book to come out, which will end, so am hoping the scholarly edition is already in the works.

Anonymous said...

Laughing at your lovely dog and slightly worried about that kettle, which on closer examination seems to be almost empty. Being the owner of a rabbit that doesn't seem to have much in the way of hazard-sensing skills, I'm probably overreacting. Oscar probably knows how to make you cups of tea and everything, right? When he has finished leaning on things, that is. I wish I could do the same sometimes, a slight slant on things could put the world to rights...

Anonymous said...

Many years away from English-speaking countries and nowhere near an M&S, I was baffled by your references to "Colin the Caterpillar".

A quick google search reveals a Wikipedia entry with the following gem of information:

"According to Marks and Spencer, it takes 38 people to assemble each cake from start to finish, and 8.4 tonnes (7,600+ kg) of sugar coating are used each year for the decorative spots.[5]"

I would have eaten the entire thing so just eating the leftovers is positively virtuous of you.

Enforced holiday activities is the way to go, as I now know after 10 days of enduring 1 pm breakfasts and total chaos at all times of the day.

Crazy Mom! said...

So sorry about the tooth problems.

I actually make my dentist sweat a bit - because I get almost all dental work done sans Novocaine or xylovaine. Tuesday of last week I have three crowns drilled with only ibuprofen and acetaminophen to blunt it. (Novocaine makes me feel really crappy.)

Looks like the dog was snogging the plush turtle....

Anonymous said...

Constant catering..I remember it well..no one understood why the school holidays were not a rest! Now they are 17 and 21 all I need to do is keep an eye on the clearing up. Joy, that holiday feeling....

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