Tuesday, 15 March 2016
When you’re alone and life is making you lonely
You can always go to Dutch Class
When you’ve got worries all the irregular verbs
Seem to help, I know, at Dutch Class
Just listen to an exercise on how to buy a TV
Linger over videoclips that date from 1980
Het of de?
The sounds are more guttural there
You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares
So go to Dutch Class
Things will be great when you’re in Dutch Class
No finer place, for sure, Dutch Class
Iedereen wacht op jou*
Don’t hang around and let your problems surround you
There are games to play at Dutch Class
Maybe you’ll have to pretend to speed date
A shy Congolese guy, in Dutch Class
Just listen to the rhythm of the improbable vowels
Stilted conversation for three interminable hours
The talk is more awkward there
With limited vocab, and no Google Translate
But it’s Dutch Class
Don’t try the drinks machine, Dutch Class
The jokes are not so PC, Dutch Class
Maar heb je jouw huiswerk gedaan?
And you may end up paired with the guy who's walked into the wrong group
Someone who is quite confused and could use a gentle hand
To copy your homework
So maybe I’ll see you there
We can forget all our troubles, forget all our cares
In our Dutch Class
Six hours a week in this Dutch Class
Why did I sign up for Dutch Class?
Iedereen wacht op jou.
*I'd like to think this means 'everyone's waiting for you', but who knows really, I am only at level 2.1 which is barely above grunting and hand gestures and if you are asking me anything other than my hobbies or how to buy a second hand table through a small ad, I'm likely to struggle.
UPDATE: Now corrected thanks to commenter intervention
** But have you done your homework?
I do know this is not even slightly funny, but it is about all I did today, except falling painfully upstairs onto my middle finger, no, no idea, collecting a piece of paper at great psychic expense from the obstructive bastards at the town hall and yes, three hours of Dutch (paired with the Ukrainian chocolatière, I did well today). I'm now going to walk the dog and have a stern word with myself.
30% Further terrorist raid confusion
30% Fuck yeah, a flan in a box waiting for me
30% Concern I may have a tapeworm
10% Jowl expansion suggests otherwise