Ok, this is scarcely credible but I HAVE MY PHONE BACK, PRAISE NATHAN. It's a bit buggered and keeps shutting itself down of its own accord, but basically works. I can't really remember what I used to do with it and have dropped it violently about twelve times, but still, at least I have a functioning alarm clock and can catch up on Our Mutual Friend. Look, as promised here is a picture of the difference between Tabasco eggs and Pepper eggs, which is not as impressive as I thought it would be:
Alone in the house, I spent the weekend in an orgy of Indian vegetarian food, blowsy French cakes and female oriented viewing (ie. films in which nothing blows up and people talk about their feelings). I bought flowers. I kept the house tidy. I had baths. It was amazing.
I am reading the new Elly Griffiths (lovely archeology crime) and all I want to do is go back to bed and read more of it and since I am on my own tonight I can do just that. I might even have a hot water bottle.
Pepper, the new Gwyneth Paltrow hen, is a cold blooded killer. She escapes effortlessly twenty thousand times a day and waits by the back door for me to come out, then flies up into my face to attack me. I both hate and respect her simultaneously.
The hedgehog crawled into the hen house during the night, causing maximum hen indignation and then DIED. I don't think Pepper murdered it, but I wouldn't put it past her. Poor hedgehog. You outlived your natural life span as gleaned from Google approximately fourfold and were a delightful, forceful, entertaining presence about three times a year. I will miss you, our lowest maintenance pet, terribly.
The dog's stomach is making the most ominous noises.
In non-livestock bad news, I have started wearing a woolly hat in the house in the manner of Benny from Crossroads and this is DEFINITELY the slippery slope. Indeed, I think it's about halfway down the slippery slope when combined with wood shavings, scarf, slippers, thus:
I don't know where the hat came from. Might be Prog Rock's. It's not even that cold, it's more that I am finding my "hair" really annoying at the moment. This is not a good look for a person who is not an extra in Last of the Summer Wine. Crone hat, muttering, what's next? Hoarding my own urine in jam jars? Still, I remain pleased with that wallpaper.
This is very boring, sorry. I am going to London tomorrow then Cardiff the day after for book related activities (yikes), so perhaps later in the week I can regale you with tales of interactions with other humans or more probably tales of my interaction with a wall if my social skills remain at their usual level.
How was your day?