Wednesday, 6 January 2016

Return




Happy new year.

I am coming back, honestly, I am. Soon. It's just, the jetlag, fuck, the jetlag

(Daily programme:

4am-7am Wide awake with palpitations/tooth grinding/failed breathing exercises

8am - 12pm Basically functional for rudimentary tasks but tetchy and ravenous

1pm - 4pm KILL EVERYTHING WITH FIRE AND ACID THEN FIRE AGAIN

4pm - 11pm Zombie stumble round nightmarish netherworld where nothing makes any sense

11pm Fall asleep half-clothed, teeth unbrushed, drooling, Kindle across face

No, I don't know what happens in those missing hours, shut up).

Also the VAT (that doesn't get a detailed parenthesis, oh hang on, it sort of does, oh god make it all stop).

Various other things that should have been done some time ago and have not been done.

Etc.

I will be back.

In the meantime, a brief survey of my Thai wildlife highlights.

1. Here is an elephant at the elephant refuge:



(I could do you about 700 more pictures of elephants, including the amazing clumsy toddler elephant, but am refraining. Oh go on, just one


AH SHIT I FELL OVER AGAIN)

2. Here is a komodo dragon, ok, fine it's not a komodo dragon, but it is NEARLY AS BIG, seriously it was fucking huge and we kept expecting it to select a child from the breakfast buffet, select some condiments and take the whole lot away in its powerful jaws.


Ohai


i'm at ur breakfast buffet eatin ur offsrping


3. Here are the ASBO monkeys drinking my tea:



(the most evil of the ASBO monkeys let itself into our room while I was reading on the bed, opened the minibar, selected a packet of roasted cashews, let itself out again then sat on the balcony eating them. Here he is, dickhead:


We wrote "stolen by monkey" on the little minibar slip, but we still had to pay.

4. Here is my new thing TUEK THE WATER BUFFALO.



I'm not saying he's entirely supplanted goats in my affections but what the hell he has entirely supplanted goats in my affections.



M: You look so happy. We need to get you a water buffalo.

B: I don't think I have ever seen a more unironic smile on your face than when you are RIDING A WATER BUFFALO*.

(*not really riding. Sitting on. I was urged to. Not very comfy for riding due to seriously rolling hip action)


5. There was also a lot of snake action, including a detailed lecture on necrosis at the Bangkok snake farm, but I do not have pictures of that, which is probably a mercy.



Percentages:

50% confused
50% fucking exhausted
50% Christmas cake


You? What have you been up to?

17 comments:

kath said...

Emma! You can squat with your feet flat on the floor! You are a Jedi Yogi.

Waffle said...

Kath - Ha! I know we're not biologically related, but I'm pretty sure I inherited this from Prog Rock.

kath said...

And the chicken book is only £5 on amazon.

Helen Strydom said...

You're back! Hooray!

Flora Fauna Dinner said...

Love how happy you look! Love the mini-bar monkey.

bbonthebrink said...

Looks like you've had a fabulous time. I suppose you've read 'The Elephant Whisperer' by Lawrence Anthony? I loved it, it's also very gripping.
I agree with M, I think you need to invest in a buffalo, maybe also a holiday house in Thailand?

Patience_Crabstick said...

Oh my goodness, is that thing that is not a komodo dragon a crocodile? It's terrifying!

theharridan said...

i love how the street-y ravenous reptiles text speak like the kids. Amazing skillz

BDM said...

First thing we do is kill all the monkeys. Never let them reach Uccle.

BDM said...

And knitted chicken sweaters: http://thewhoot.com.au/media/slider/chicken-sweaters

Patent Attorney said...

So cute! I'd love to see an elephant, particularly a baby one!

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