Wednesday, 6 January 2016
Happy new year.
I am coming back, honestly, I am. Soon. It's just, the jetlag, fuck, the jetlag
4am-7am Wide awake with palpitations/tooth grinding/failed breathing exercises
8am - 12pm Basically functional for rudimentary tasks but tetchy and ravenous
1pm - 4pm KILL EVERYTHING WITH FIRE AND ACID THEN FIRE AGAIN
4pm - 11pm Zombie stumble round nightmarish netherworld where nothing makes any sense
11pm Fall asleep half-clothed, teeth unbrushed, drooling, Kindle across face
No, I don't know what happens in those missing hours, shut up).
Also the VAT (that doesn't get a detailed parenthesis, oh hang on, it sort of does, oh god make it all stop).
Various other things that should have been done some time ago and have not been done.
I will be back.
In the meantime, a brief survey of my Thai wildlife highlights.
1. Here is an elephant at the elephant refuge:
(I could do you about 700 more pictures of elephants, including the amazing clumsy toddler elephant, but am refraining. Oh go on, just one
AH SHIT I FELL OVER AGAIN)
2. Here is a komodo dragon, ok, fine it's not a komodo dragon, but it is NEARLY AS BIG, seriously it was fucking huge and we kept expecting it to select a child from the breakfast buffet, select some condiments and take the whole lot away in its powerful jaws.
i'm at ur breakfast buffet eatin ur offsrping
3. Here are the ASBO monkeys drinking my tea:
(the most evil of the ASBO monkeys let itself into our room while I was reading on the bed, opened the minibar, selected a packet of roasted cashews, let itself out again then sat on the balcony eating them. Here he is, dickhead:
We wrote "stolen by monkey" on the little minibar slip, but we still had to pay.
4. Here is my new thing TUEK THE WATER BUFFALO.
I'm not saying he's entirely supplanted goats in my affections but what the hell he has entirely supplanted goats in my affections.
M: You look so happy. We need to get you a water buffalo.
B: I don't think I have ever seen a more unironic smile on your face than when you are RIDING A WATER BUFFALO*.
(*not really riding. Sitting on. I was urged to. Not very comfy for riding due to seriously rolling hip action)
5. There was also a lot of snake action, including a detailed lecture on necrosis at the Bangkok snake farm, but I do not have pictures of that, which is probably a mercy.
50% fucking exhausted
50% Christmas cake
You? What have you been up to?