Shit, I have got into that state of mind where I haven't posted for ages so feel as if what I do post must be perfectly judged and hilarious, but my brain is as lively as cold gruel, so let's just get over that right now with some mundane thoughts in no particular order and hopefully move on to better things (ha). NB, I have updated my reading up to end December, so there are some muttered haiku length book reviews over there. I will start a new 2016 page soon.
January is doing its thing. The streets are thick with pine needles and the back yard looks like Passchendaele. It is raining so heavily the dog is refusing to go out for its constitutional. Following the demise of one of our hens while we were away we have a new hen who looks rightly horrified at her new quarters and spends most of her time huddling behind the lilac radiating disapproval. F has called her "Pepper" (joining Tabasco and replacing the deceased Chili) which has the unfortunate side effect of me assuming she must have a Gwyneth Paltrow type personality and I can assure you her living quarters are not remotely Goop approved. I feel like I should bring her a bruised kale salad and offer her some vaginal steaming. Cloacal steaming? THIS IS GOING DOWNHILL RAPIDLY.
I had some sleep, finally and I feel more like a person, albeit not with the smug, 2 weeks of sunshine and all the papaya and passion fruit you can swallow glow I was aiming for. It has been a great relief to sleep through the night occasionally, even if I do seem prone to florid dreams of bad sex and sacks of woodchips, not least because I no longer need to go through my various sleep routines at 4am, eg:
- walk in my mind round all the pubs in York I can remember (moderately successful)
- drive in my mind from York to Coverdale (get lost after the M1 and before Masham and become enraged at the motorway planners removing my junction)
- think of every meal we ate in Thailand (monstrously counter-productive, due to NIGHT STARVATION)
- count down from 10 000 in 7s (terrible, who the fuck thought this worked)
- detail every bad thing I have done in the past 30 years (that old fave)
- develop intricate scenarios for how a range of catastrophes, humiliations and failures will befall me over the next 30 (ditto)
- contemplate death (of course)
Do you have a good thought-calming exercise for sleepless nights? Are they just a vain and ineffective distraction from what always ends up in sweaty contemplation of mortality? I fear I know the answer.
I have now reverted to my usual routine of lackadaisical prone toothbrushing, reading/dozing until my Kindle falls heavily onto my face causing me to wake with a start, then sleeping the dream-infested sleep of the not-exactly-just until 7. Amen, let me never leave Europe again (at least not without the promise of water buffalo).
Terrible (Minor) Things Which Have Happened:
1. Oldest son turning to me on aeroplane and saying "are women allowed to be pilots?" NO SON, OUR TINY HANDS AND UTERUSES GET IN THE WAY AND WE ARE DISTRACTED BY THE SHINY LIGHTS.
2. Saxophone neighbour returned from wherever it is he has been "jamming" (ugh) with a renewed zest for life, Jupiler and noodling riffs on Dido.
3. Newspaper headlines declare lack of a social life as bad for health as smoking, so I might as well just buy a nice cheap pine coffin now and lie down in it and wait.
Things I Have Bought That Make It All Better:
1. This chocolate is amazing. I have nearly finished it and am getting twitchy about sourcing replacements.
2. The face powder is of course a St India of Knight recommendation. As previously stated I would buy anything that woman recommends. It does appear to give me the appearance of being a human woman rather than a walking column of porridge and thus I now add my entirely meaningless endorsement to hers.
3. I saw a woman wearing these shoes on the street and hunted them down. I have not been able to wear them because it has rained solidly since they arrived, but I look at them and they please me. They are OF COURSE now half-price.
4. Not pictured, but I have also bought myself this most wonderful book about Velasquez (extract here)
5. Actually the Lucia Berlin was a gift not a purchase but it is definitely making things better. Even more so, actually.
6. An M and S apple turnover which I will be eating shortly in greedy silence, pastry flakes falling down my front and nestling in my grubby cashmere. This will doubtless prove to be the high point of the day.
80% Wishing I was at the breakfast buffet at our hotel in Bangkok where you could get the most delicious chili studded rotis and dahl for breakfast (as well as a gazillion other delights) and where the buffet was watched over by A MAN WITH A FALCON, to scare pigeons away. A falcon. For my breakfast pleasure. A Falcon At the Breakfast Buffet sounds like the title of a memoir by someone far more glamorous than me. #lifegoals
20% Irregular verbs (it is my Dutch exam today, our teacher does not seem to hold out much hope for us, our brains are gebroken).