Let us have a brief Wednesday nature interlude before I have to go and prise the children away from whatever ill-advised digital slaughter they are engaged in.
Because we have an unsophisticated and largely barren inner life, we spent a portion of yesterday evening trying to troll a leaf identification app with eg. the dog's ear, our own hands, a fork and finally, a leaf drawn by my eldest son on a piece of kitchen towel. We think, though, that the leaf identification app is trolling us back:
What the hell? Who are you calling a bastard service tree? It also said a picture of a small bird was a "dragon fruit", yeah, sure.
That episode of Portlandia come to life
I wanted to write a card to someone today and got out my card collection (the kind of thing I cling onto as a proof of some degree of qualification for basic adulthood) only to discover:
I have some kind of avian monomania. This is very shortsighted! Not everyone likes birds and what if I have to write to someone with a bird phobia?
I thought I was getting somewhere when I located this:
But on closer examination it turned out to feature at least seven and possibly more birds.
It got worse when I started looking more closely at the hen cards, because seriously, you wouldn't need to be terribly over-sensitive to wonder whether this is in some way pointed:
Anyway. I'm not going to send any cards. It's probably safest. Here to finish are some real birds that came to sit in the tree today, preventing me from doing any work for a good 45 minutes of my available Wednesday 2 1/2 hours:
They live very nearby and I see them flying around in the street all the time screeching at each other like a hen party on its ninth round of WKD Blue, but this is the first time they have deigned to approach my fat balls. The chickens were sickened by the whole business, predictably.
10% Guilt, various
20% Financial improprieties
65% Festive fatalism