Thursday, 20 November 2014

Forty days: Pt 33 (Lists)

I almost forgot to do tonight. That'll be the orange pills (I have crumbled into decrepitude again). I honestly thought this process would be all about me writing thoughtful, perceptive stuff about mid-life so that people would be compelled to commission me to write for them, ha ha ha, the delusion is strong in me.

Windows open on my phone currently:

Picture of a capybara wearing a paper bag round its neck
Horse playing football with care home residents
7 writers reflect on failure
Free astronomy class details
You Tube recipe for lavash I will assuredly never use
Father Jack says sorry
Canadian panda enjoys snow

Things on my bedside table (surface layer only): 

Right Ho, Jeeves
Dirty mug
Staple gun
30 Rock DVD
Back in the Jug Agane
Colm Toibin - The Testament of Mary
Wire giraffe
Giant orange back pill
String of pearls
Malcom Mackay - The Night the Rich Men Burned
Jeeves in the Offing
Box of MoMA Christmas cards unmoved and unopened since last December
Miller Harris Vetiver Bourbon
3 earplugs
Propeller from something
Anne Enright - Yesterday's Weather (ooh, didn't even know I had this)
2 crap normal pens, one nice silver one from last year's excellent advent box
Supermarket loyalty card
Chanel 'April' nail polish
Zola - La Curée
50 cents

To do list (immediate as opposed to 'lingering, guilty, may never happen'): 

Chase Portuguese cafe for pics
Pay school canteen
Buy Nutella
Take tea-soaked jumpers out of washing machine
Pay €88 business tax thingy about 6 months overdue
Unearth something for dinner
(I only did two of these - both the food related ones)

Best stuff I have put in my mouth today: 

2 giant orange back pills
Apple crumble
Mouthful of Picard chocolate and salted caramel fondant (not at all shabby, will buy again)
Another giant orange back pill

Currently saved in my folder of lust:

Warehouse cashmere onesie
Large Burleigh breakfast cup
Rob Ryan mug to replace the one I broke a week after buying it
A large selection of eBay antique quilts
Icelandic horses for sale
(So short, my list of wants. I am practically a holy hermit)

Parts of me that are broken:

Left thumb (cut with evil knife)
Lips (ravaged)
Lower back (god knows, probably horse related)
Brain (clearly)
Right elbow (search me)

Things that have made me cry/nearly cry today:

The dishwasher
My back
The Boots advert
Something I listened to - but what? What could it be? Oh, the bit in Serial with Hae's mother's statement.
Noblesse the horse, who wilfully inflated her stomach like a puffer fish so I couldn't do anything with her. Laughed instead, finally.
My phone, with rage

Weirdest bill received today:

"Squelette chat, €125" (it's a long story)

Would you like to give me a list, please?


Anonymous said...

Windows open on my phone:

Work email
Transport for London
Leeds UCU open letter to senior staff at the University of Bradford

Things on my bedside table (actually it’s a bedside chair)

book of needles
safety pin
3 lamps
3 beaded necklaces
empty packet of tissues
Digital radio
radio alarm clock
clockwork alarm clock
Eight hour cream
paper poppy
Packet of canderel
lighter fluid
Old debit card I need to cut up
Empty box that once contained Ladurée macaroons

Immediate to do list

Clean mould off walls

Best stuff I have put in my mouth today

1 inch x 1 inch square goats cheese quiche canapé
Sausage roll

Currently saved in my folder of lust
mould remover
Dashing tweed reflective fabric (with this, I will make the ultimate cycling apparel! At some point.)
100 % waterproof coat by Seasalt
Various cashmere yarns

Parts of me that are broken
Lower back
Left ovary

Things that have made me nearly cry today
Getting the painters back in when they only left on Monday (euphemism).
Accidentally ripping off the label of Dorothy Perkins blazer I’ve had since 1998 by catching it on a door knob. Actually, this is not so bad.
The fact that my profession thinks it’s so progressive when it’s actually getting more difficult to enter thanks to increased tuition fees, unpaid internships etc.

Weirdest bill received today
No candidates I’m afraid.

the queen said...

I am reading Right Ho, Jeeves as well. I emailed my boss today that a colleague with a problem was now "sorted."

Megan said...

Can someone assist me with the pronunciation of Colm Toibin's name? As an Aussie, I desperately want to say "Colm Tah-beeen" surely that is incorrect?

Ellie said...

I do not have a list but as a fan of American football, when somebody says a Rob Ryan mug I think immediately of this person, the defensive coordinator for the New Orleans Saints and twin brother to objectionable Jets head coach Rex Ryan, who got a gastric bypass surgery and is lording it over his still-fat brother in ways that I believe to be unconscionable:

Lara K. said...

When I read "cashmere onesie" I thought it was some sort of wildly opulent baby clothing, the kind of thing for infant oligarchs to urp all over. But no - it is the most perfect item of clothing I have ever seen, and if I had one, you would never get me out of it.

Things on my combination dining room table/desk/filing cabinet:

- slightly alien-looking squash and gourds arranged in a bowl that was a wedding gift from my husband's relatives in Kentucky whom I have never met - my attempt at some kind of seasonal decorating
- crumpled Superman bib smeared with bits of potato
- squashed box of raisin
- unpaid bills (3)
- notebook in a regrettable shade of blue
- bottles of pills I keep forgetting to take (2)
- magazines I have not had time even to open (2 - Vanity Fair and Cook's Illustrated)
- bits of the Sunday Times I have not finished reading, but refuse to consign to the recycling bin just yet because hope springs eternal that I might get the chance to finish them before the next Sunday Times arrives
- Woman's Health reminder notice
- Dental Checkup reminder notice
- pile of holiday catalogs (too innumerable to count) which are a guilty pleasure, particularly the ones filled with food

MargotLeadbetter said...

Days since assessments completed: 22
Scripts marked: 148
Hours of my own time spent marking: 50?
Scripts left to mark: 62
Days until marking due to be finished and returned: -1
Degree to which I am over marking: impossible to express
Spirit: broken
Days to next lot of marking due: 14

frau antje said...

Bedside table (technically a white painted board that spans from bed to one of several homemade closets, light switch and cord tacked to underside)--

Fountain pen for the left-handed, winged heart emitting flames on the cap.
Maple wood and blue plastic fountain pen for children (name and initial stickers left off).
Mechanical pencil.
Small clock that shines Greenwich Mean Time on the ceiling when you push the top.
Biography of William Blake, What's the Matter With Kansas (whose description on amazon someone had switched with a 'homo-erotic classic'--so that happens), Names for the Sea.

To do list--

Get lighter fluid for next to the bed.

Sally said...

On my bedside table:

Every day is mother's day - Hilary Mantel

3 really horrible looking ear plugs


can of cherry pepsi max

Immediate to do list:

Pay vet for the Fattest pony in the world Cushing's blood tests
Put washing on
Wash myself
Do expenses as well
Plus invoices oh god
Muck out - discovered faster just to pick up poo nuggets with hands in rubber gloves, rather than with huge man sized fork.

livesbythewoods said...

Today on my bedside cabinet:
A lamp.
An alarm clock.
Lip balm.
Box of tissues.
Trashy Georgette Heyer book.
Torch for emergency power cuts.
Notebook and assorted pens and pencils.

Funny you wrote about this, just yesterday I was pondering the impossibility of finding a dedicated dressing-table tidy for all the weird crap on Mr WithaY's table!

Patience_Crabstick said...

On my bedside table:
-War and Peace
-High Rising by Angela Thirkell
-One of those "sentence a day" diaries that I kept up for about three weeks.
-Two netflix dvds (Larkrise to Candleford, season 3, disks 3 & 4)
-pamphlet from orthodontist begging for good reviews
-assorted bookmarks
-piece of polished stone from Ireland that supposedly has the power to grant wishes
-plastic Starbucks cup
-bolt that ought to be attached to one of the legs on my bed
-hair ties
-Sense & Sensibility

Stitch this said...

Currents lists I have on the go:
Birthday party to do list - it's tomorrow and I'm f**ked
Craft stall to make list - it's in a fortnight and I'm almost f**ked
Health improvement list - I'm never going to get better so I am pretty f**ked on this one too
Lifetime achievements list - well, this is quite short so what would you deduce?
Things I should have been doing instead of searching for antique ladders on ebay - too expensive and all collection only anyway, f**ked
favourite swear words...done.

Anonymous said...

I have so many lists. My bedside table is an easy one:
Huge amounts of earplugs and their wrappers (husband snores and grinds his teeth when the neighbour's dog isn't barking)
Moisturer galore for dry feet from central heating
Cereal bowl that had coco pops in it (couldn't sleep, mostly because of poor dog barking outside)
iPad (Angry Birds Transformers inbetween PG Wodehouse which makes me laugh so much I awaken aforementioned husband)
Burts Bees lipbalm that's so worn down I scratch my lips applying it
Tissues for catching spindly harvestmen spiders that enjoy creeping around whilst I read/kill pigs
Hair ties

Dee said...

Things on my bedside table

Lamp, very dusty.
Kindle, slightly less dusty, reading Mapp and Lucia.
Tissue box, accompanied by a Mt Fuji sized pile of crumpled tissues.
Hair pins, hair ties, hair bands, hair clips. All with bits of hair clinging to them.
Three types of hand cream.
Lace doily my friend crocheted for me.
Raspberry and coconut lip balm.

Things on my desk

BYS Nail polish in 'Sahara Desert'
Hair ties, with bits of hair on.
Hand cream, completely ineffectual, but there is still heaps in it and I can't bear to chuck it out.
Crumpled cloth napkin.
Crumpled tissues
Two empty tea mugs.
Plate covered in toast crumbs
Four knitting needles.

Parts of me that are broken

Currently, just my feet.

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