Crimes as yet undiscovered
Oh, latterly it has also been brought to you by rage and self-pity because SOMEONE ATE MY DINNER. I am roosting on one end of the sofa balefully, sulking. It was not a very thrilling supper (a breaded cod fillet, what, they are delicious) but IT WAS MINE.
I class this highly among domestic crimes. The worst domestic transgressions in our house, many of which I commit regularly (listen, we've only got 23% left, I slept about 4 hours and I've been doing this for 26 days, I know we're scraping the barrel here, and I promise better things soon, with the empty, silver-tongued promise of a furious harridan half watching Liberty of London as she types):
- only taking one mug/plate out of clean dishwasher, especially when your dishwasher is a useless bastard like ours that only warms the dirt on the plates up slightly;
- eating another family member's food (GODALMIGHTY MY CABILLAUD A LA CHAPELURE CROUSTILLANTE ET LEGERE, WHY, WHY);
- tucking single socks down the sofa cushions in manner of deranged hoarder;
- noisy licking of breakfast plates before 9am watershed (actually any licking of plates or any crockery before the 9am watershed. No. Just no.);
- unplugging/turning off/hiding the Roomba because it is annoying (it is annoying, useful but so annoying);
- FIDGETING while I am watching my programmes, especially eg. flicking nails against remote control or other repetitive noisy thing likely to bring deserved death upon you;
- Fecking with our temperamental tellyboxes which are almost as defective as the dishwasher;
- charger theft;
- Cavalier channel changing during commercial breaks in important programmes;
- Bin crimes (various, numerous, too numerous to list);
- Crap tea-making (poor milk control, leaving teabag in).
I will probably add to this list tomorrow as further outrages are perpetrated.
What domestic crimes are unforgivable in your household?