Monday, 27 October 2014

Forty Days: Pt 9 (Goat Party Interlude)

My gmail status has been "GOAT PARTY" for weeks (I forget), but for once, today, it is actually appropriate. "Goats are very healing," a nice lady said on Twitter and here's hoping because I am still sooo ill. This rhino that thinks it is a goat is definitely healing.

But enough self-pity! On with the GOAT PARTY:

(Wondered if this might be my father's bearded spirit animal)


Yeah hai, pass over the goat nuts thxbai

(I might be a sheep)

Hai, ur coat haz a flavour

I have been going to the Cotswold Farm Park since before the children were born and now look at them, unashamedly the oldest in the rabbit petting area.

(The rabbit on the right is rolling its rabbit eyes and thinking, "yeah, everybody likes the fucking leopard bunny, the grandstanding asshole"). 

No need to fuck up your sacro-iliac pushing them around on tiny tractors any more and it no longer requires the skill set of Kofi Annan to get them out of the gift shop ("Do you want a hamburger?" "Yes" "Then put down that crap pencil sharpener and get in the car" "Ok"). Then we went to the pub and they can fetch their own lime and soda and crisps and no one writhes around like a furious conger eel or requires a full cabaret of entertainment if the food takes more than 3 minutes. Big children are brilliant. Yes, you may tell me it won't last, I'm fully aware of that, but I am appreciating the moment, like the zen mindfulness wizard I am (ha ha ha ha ha ha) (ha ha ha ha ha) (ha ha) (ha).

We are leaving in the morning. No more Walkers crisps, no more goat parties, no more sightings of the Bamford's fancy helicopter taking Lady Bamford to sell overpriced linen nick-nacks, no more bat poo on my socks, gratuitous giant fires and teaching the children to drive the Landrover round the field. No more giant rat in the woodpile and no more ballet of stupid bluebottles in every sink. Well, for a while. But soon clean pants (didn't bring enough) and the lukewarm welcome of the ouipette! It's enough to gladden any Lemsip addled heart. 


YellowBelfast said...

Goat party! Goat party! So excited.!
Are you healed waffle? Bless your bat-soiled socks

Mrs Guy Garvey said...

Oh the big beardy boy is gorgeous. Even though I have 15 assorted age/sex goats in the paddock outside our office window, I never tire of seeing goat parties!

Hope the batshit falls off your waffley socks, before they go in your shoes.

Patience_Crabstick said...

That internet meme-language is so appropriate for goats!

mimi smartypants said...

Big children are absolutely brilliant. Even if they talk nonstop, you can tune them out and not worry that you are stunting their language growth (since clearly that area is JUST FINE)

Anonymous said...

Heh that is one of the only reasons I want children: to be able to go to petting zoos without looking like a creepy weirdo. They should have petting zoos for adults!

But maybe called something different to "petting zoos for adults". Hmm.

soleils said...

Hai, dis post iz well good fam.
I laughed a lot, especially at your rendition of a hollow laugh. And I fully intend to use "your coat haz a flavour" on my wee men tomorrow, just to confuse them.

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