I actually look better sans wig, frighteningly. Maybe the giant pale dome is distracting.
(double chin cleverly concealed in folds of giant scarf, pro tip)
If you wish to look this fantastic, and who wouldn't, this is my routine:
1. Totally fail to get your eyebrow tattoos topped up in a timely fashion and wait until they fade to 1996's Brighton cowboy beauty salon orange, apparently-drawn-by-a-toddler catastrophe, the only eyebrow that never fades.
2. Get sick, so sick, sicker than you've been for several years.
3. Need to wake up at 4am to top up your Lemsip levels. Walk into a wall in confusion.
4. Rub your weepy, tired eyes repeatedly for several days until they swell up in pink lidded lashless confusion (ed's note: this is not very different to their normal state).
5. Fail to find any tissues for most of the day and be reduced to wiping nose with scratchy kitchen roll and terrible grey sandpaper Eurostar loo roll, ow ow ow.
6. Start absent-mindedly picking at the corner of your lips for no good reason with your extra sharp fingerclaws until they bleed. Then do it again repeatedly.
7. Pick at a tiny spots on your chin and nose with your sharp fingerclaws until they get much bigger and proliferate.
8. Consume only Lemsip, Ribena, gingerbread dinosaur, wine and feebly gummed Cheese & Onion crisps for two days.
9. Do not wear any make up, except some dried up gel eyeliner that your weepy, irritated eyes have mainly cried off.
10. Fail to bring any emollient/lip balm/moisturiser away with you except some dodgy fish scented day cream (again, this is not so different to normal regime, except there is usually some crappy lip salve in a drawer somewhere).
(I don't know how you can get a nose that shiny. I think I am just blessed, sorry)
(* I think I might actually look worse now than an hour ago, but it's marginal.)
I have a law meeting tomorrow. I'll have to get up an hour earlier to start layering on Secret Camouflage and mineral powder. Actually, I should probably start tonight.
How do you achieve your enviable look?