Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Everything is broken*

(* must be sung in style of Bob Dylan, thus. This song reminds me so much of Prog Rock, see also, and appropriately, "Been down so damn long" and "Feel like I'm fixin' to die". I think of my stepfather as a basically optimistic and serene man, but he certainly likes a black lyric. Whoopee we're all gonna die)

Broken:

1. My brand new Mac Air, doing something horrifying involving being stuck on caps lock, meaning I am now locked out entirely. Have tried all those reset alchemy things, no dice. Cannot deal. Must deal.

2. My back (still)

3. My knee (again)

4. My spirit (I actually tried to get into a cupboard yesterday afternoon to see if it was as dark and cosy as it looked. I did not fit).

5 ... and as of two minutes ago, also the washing machine, the stupid drama queen bastard washing machine AGAIN. It'll be dog shit bags in the filter again, it usually is.


Helping:

Watching Father Jack say sorry over and over again (I keep this clip open on my phone at all times. This, a capybara with a paper bag round its neck in a swimming pool, and that thing about naming animals in German. When things are bad I look at them until I feel better. If you have any suggested additions to this list, I am all ears).

Kid done GOOD in his bizarre Belgian external exam. Thank fuck for that. He got 91% in French! This is little short of a miracle! In your FACE accords des participes pass├ęs des verbes pronominaux. Now time for a summer of sitting around in pyjamas watching Jeremy Clarkson (there is, sadly, no accounting for pre-teen taste).

Singing Owl on a Swiffer to the tune of Bird on a Wire.

This short film of a mahout washing his elephant (though it also made me a bit weepy, for it is beautiful and calm and I want to wash an elephant).

My most magnificent friend B sending me an email that ended with the immortal line:

"Finally and probably most importantly, on the way home walking down George Street, I saw a seagull eating a still-spasming pigeon".

Percentages:

30% Apple Care terror
30% Parental pride
10% Lost clothing bafflement
10% Bewilderment at why the Muffinski's muffin has not conquered the world.
20% Last day of school tomorrow aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.

You?

12 comments:

Lydia said...

I recommend watching this video in a quiet room:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oapgiZc5i-g

Also, your Mac Book should still be covered by Apple Care:
https://www.apple.com/befr/support/contact/

Feel better soon.

Accidental Londoner said...

Oh, I hear you. I have taken to singing (both in my head and occasionally out loud when the need arises) that ridiculously annoying Lego Movie song, "Everything is Awesome" (eurgh), but with the words changed to "Everything is Awful". (Try it!) It's oddly cheering.

Anonymous said...

Can you get into your Mac Book by turning on the accessibility settings? It should let you use an on-screen keyboard. I once dropped a bowl of pasta on my laptop and had to type like this for three weeks.

Alison said...

It sounds like B lives in Bath, where seagulls and pigeons are locked in mortal and timeless battle...

Bernard Black's reply is antidote to everything: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Gq8Uxalg8U

Anonymous said...

I highly recommend James Thurber's Pet Department. It makes me guffaw every time I look at it. Likewise Salinger's short story de Daumier-Smith's Blue Period. Those are my guaranteed laugh inducers.

Go child with your French verb brilliance. Splendid.

1st afternoon of school hols today ruined by oldest b-boy's teacher, who saw fit to give all her pupils a bloody duck noise whistle as a parting swipe.

Rosie Redfield said...

Once you get the MBA working, you can turn Caps Lock off entirely, so the key has no effect (System preferences/Keyboard/Modifier keys). This is good if, like me, you keep accidentally hitting the daMN THING.

Waffle said...

MacBook advice people - thank you, the man in the shop fixed it after many flailing failed attempts on phone to Apple Care and Rosie I am totally turning caps lock off FOREVER.

AL - I added 'Everything is Awful' to my repertoire last night and it's perfect, thank you.

Alison YES YES YES YES YES (and most appropriate today)

Anon - Duck whistle is a stroke of evil teacher genius.

oggleyboggley said...

I could listen to Itsy saying 'Wickerwork' all day long
2m 40secs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYx9kGElJkM

redfox said...

Apple Care terror = Apple Carror?

Leona said...

It's quite old, and you've probably seen it, but may I recommend this extremely furious toad? This has sustained me for the last week.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzXM58qR1Es

Patience_Crabstick said...

50% Anxiety hangover
40% Elizabeth David intimidation
10% anchovies

You may have seen this Finnish music video when it first hit youtube several years ago, but it is worth revisiting.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kA5GkLM5C7M&feature=player_embedded

Waffle said...

There are some extremely strange suggestions on this thread and I love them all. You are WEIRD.