I am not dead, though I thought on a couple of occasions I might be close. I have finished the ghastly juice cleanse THANK GOD. It was not as hard as I feared after the first day (which was truly hellish), and I had the odd burst of energy/mental acuity but juice did get very very boring, and globally, my IQ definitely took a hit. Also, I will not be adding "nut milks" to my normal regime and I cannot wait to go back to consuming no liquids other than Yorkshire Gold and gin. I am an unrepentant fluids sinner. Also, I am relieved that it didn't make me nostalgic for the bad old eating disorder days or send me back down the path of crazy, which I slightly feared. As it turned out, I was delighted to break the fast of hell with rabbit rillettes and warm baguette, because, well, you might as well do these things properly. Now I feel a bit .. anti-climactic (no choirs of angels accompanied my first tartine), but relieved. Also, the joy of having my TEETH back is amazing. Why juice gives you such foul, furry teeth, impervious to brushing, is a disgusting mystery I do not wish to investigate further.
I have to confess to feeling quite energised and composed today, however. I am praying it's just coincidence, because there is no way I am ever doing that again. EVER.
My eldest child got into the bleeding Jesus secondary school all his friends are going to. This is neither a surprise (it's the nearest state school and it's all based on location) or a particular joy (it seems ... fine, if somewhat Jesus-y), but it's one less thing to worry about and he's pleased. I intermittently wonder if I should have been a bit more helicoptery about this education business, but I'm opting out of that particular fount of guilt. He reads books and has Japanese classes at his own behest (tangible signs of any progress: nil, but who cares). He'll be fine. All the Jesus will be good for his general cultural education. After all, this is the child who believed Jesus was called "Nathan" for several years.
The garden is looking much better after resolving the chicken ravage problem (larger chicken enclosure, supervised outside time only). This is a very low bar, but I am childishly delighted.
There isn't very much, actually.
Seriously, let's hold that thought for a moment: I cannot think of much to complain about, indeed I am outlandishly perky. This is unprecedented. Maybe the juice has readjusted my perspective? I no longer need to drink "The Hulk" so really, how bad can anything be?
(Retrospectively, crying on (i) a contentious phone call to which I overreacted violently; and (ii) the shoulder of a woman I barely know during the juice fast definitely qualifed as downs, but I was too weak and defeated to write about them)
Oh, I still need to find two animal webcams by next Tuesday since the tiger cubs AND the Norwegian puppies have gone offline. Woe.
Pinterest Easter crafts are breaking my brain (it's for work). Yeah, I definitely want to make an easter egg out of some pastel dyed yarn, a balloon and wallpaper paste. Or a miniature crucifix garden (L can make that next year in Jesus school). WOMEN OF PINTEREST: put down the glue gun and make chocolate crispie nests, if you really must do an Easter craft. Or you know, get drunk.
Getting a rat to ingest 0.04ml of antibiotic twice daily is ... interesting.
Phew, I found a couple.
Everyone is enjoying the clement spring in their own, unique ways. Some are shitting on the doorstep and stealing dog food. Others lie in the sun until they are deeply confused and pink of nose. The neighbour mainly barbecues mackerel and shouts. I feel filled with the milk of human kindness towards them all. FOR NOW.
40% bizarre euphoria
10% horse scent
10% Good Wife anticipation
10% forgotten to put the children to bed again