Monday, 3 March 2014

Percentages

(I used to do this on Twitter, but I thought I'd resurrect, since I do not have a sensible thought in my head tonight, or indeed possibly this week)

Inbox
78% crap press releases
10% negative work news
0% positive work news
10% friends complaining about Monday
1% Earplug despatch notice
1% stuffed fox on a bicycle (thank you, Alan)

Diet
60% healthy stuff (lentils, stir fry, wholemeal bread, vegetables)
20% Yorkshire Gold tea
20% bad stuff (Mini Eggs, Marcolini jam, salted peanuts, biscuits)

Mental state
30% Monday existential self-loathing
10% Ohoe absence grief
20% greed
20% laughing at stupid jokes
10% dogged
5% neighbour music rage
5% snake/crocodile wonder (thanks, Karen)

Outfit
20% avocado stains
20% holes
20% Prozac trousers
10% pretty Stella McCartney camisole under manky jumper
10% emergency cardigan
20% giving up and putting pyjamas back on

Work
30% slogging fitfully towards 1500 words
30% staring into space/at Twitter
10% desultory Facegoop chat
10% Pinterest fuckery
10% CMS wrestling
5% mis-entering 90000 CAPTCHA words
5% apologies

Postbox
60% not for me
20% bills
18% witchdoctor flyers
2% ludicrously glossy cashmere catalogue destined for recycling

You?

6 comments:

Morelle said...

Owl chicks:
20% hope that Beleef de Lente will keep their vague promise to go looking for another eagle owl nest to equip with a webcam
30% optimism that the steenuils will deliver this year (last year they disappointed). I'm not picky about owl chicks. Any kind will do.
50% despair about the treachery of the eagle owls

Anonymous said...

1% crescent moon
60 % working for the man
5 % listening to a rant
10% battling Father Time
2% getting a larger male person than I, to go to bed because of gulag tomorrow
2% listening to larger person's, brother's , rebuttal on uniforms in same gulag.
5% whiskey
3% saying the wrong thing
5% looking for a Yosser Hughes head butt on youtube and sending it to the lads .
1% meek call to daughter currently on day 2 of college rag week re: concern ( poorly disguised)

Remainder. % more whiskey

Patience_Crabstick said...

My house:
40% splintery pine
10% dog hair
10% mud and grime
2% empty beer and wine bottles
30% furniture that I hate
8% unwashed dishes

Waffle said...

Ooh, Patience, that's a good one.

My house:

30% dead low energy lightbulbs
30% scrabbly, random piles of shit of the kind a magpie might accumulate
30% brown
10% decorative identity crisis

momosyllabic said...

My "briefcase" (actually a backpack I've had since I was 19 and commuted to uni by bicycle)

60% photocopied research I intend to read when I am not at the office but never do and so carry around indefinitley.
10% tampons (yes, that many. my periods are disgusting)
20% crumpled peices of A-4 paper that my thermos has leaked on (aka "important documents").
5% leaking pens
5% plastic wrappers left in my bag by my children who are under the impression the bag is also a garbage can.

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