Monday, 31 March 2014


Down (brace yourselves):

I am on a three day juice cleanse for Facegoop (we thought it would be funny and people would click on it earning us whole fractions of pennies, fools that we are) and hating it, obviously. Worst elements: furry teeth, beetroot juice, broccoli juice, have lost 30 IQ points I couldn't afford to lose since intellect already burning on lowest imaginable wattage, basically being unable to function, having to cook food for other people (pizza tonight!) and all the other bits. I have got the easy job though (due to the extensive history of eating insanity), M has twelve days of hell to survive and hers comes with added flax oil and supplements and strictures about fruit seasonality. Am I regretting this right now? Yes, yes I am. My dinner is "nut milk" (at least it's not beetroot, I suppose).

Fell over cable and broke laptop screen in a juice addled daze. It's still functioning, but its days are numbered.

Neighbour is on especially poisonous musical form.

Had to go and collect L from an out of town car park at 7 this morning (post clock change, nice touch) at end of his state mandated ski trip. Notice was strident about how important it was to be on time, so I got up at 6:15 and got on the tram and arrived at ten to 7. The bus finally arrived at 9. There's not much to do in a car park in Drogenbos at that time in the morning.

The London Zoo Tiger Cub Cam is finished and I had included it in my round up of baby animal webcams and now I am fruitlessly searching the internet for a replacement. Where are your best baby animals hiding, the Internet? I can only find birds (as you know, I am pro-bird, but I need to cater to a broad church).


L is back, desiccated like a prune and filthy but delighted with the whole thing (and even more delighted with the Swiss Army Knife he has bought himself). He even claims the soirée raclette was "trop bien" and his expression on the photos was not representative, because he was allowed unlimited potatoes and meat (mmmmm potatoes) (mmmmmm meat).

Lovely calm weekend, including trip to a very eccentric bar full of mad old Bretons on Saturday night. We never actually got served amidst the chaos and the ancient jazz musicians and the man in full 19th century riding regalia throwing a ball for his dog. "Oh yes" said the waiter, vaguely. "I think I probably forgot about you", which was at least honest.

Rat is home from the vet's! This is a cross-category kind of thing, because (i) vet's bill was €100 (less than I feared, but gougingly enormous nevertheless); and (ii) we still need to give him antibiotics twice daily FOR A MONTH and having tried this out this evening, I can see we're going to have heaps of fun with it. But the rat and his child are at least reunited and touching scenes have ensued.

Ugh, I fell asleep trying to write this (despite ear-bleeding neighbour music), but will post it anyway, because I might not be able to remember my own name tomorrow. Or raise my arms.

90% juice
2% nut "milk"
8% ear plugs



Sally said...

10% new chicks (as result of being volunteered to take grown up "Living Eggs" from school)
10% chicken poo covered sawdust on my trousers, jacket, hair etc
50% cute new pony (for my little girl)
15% panic trying to remember horse mucking out skills, horse feed wizardry and appear calm and in control.
5% Northumbrian fog. Thick wet miserable.
50% judgemental Mother in law (who lives next to us, due to weird Northumbrian farming traditions)
25% everything smelling of horse,
10% grime incrusted fingernails, toenails, skin, hair...

This adds up to about 200%...but you get the picture.

frau antje said...


There's a big red-violet tulip in the line of planters that usually just contain a lovely moor. Small bird keeps jumping up there to stuff beak with nest fixin's.


It's dawning on me that upcoming graduation attendance on different continent will include three solid days of very public socializing, plus two exes and a spouse. What could possibly go wrong?


New business associations around here that I can only describe as being akin to some mafia retaliation, as far as any identity, belief system*, upbringing, conviction, sense of right and wrong, etc., etc. goes. Not a bad thing, empathy-wise, I suppose, to know what this feels like (impressively hellish). I can't 'just drive away' (my traditional MO), so that's a fresh experience also. It's never too late to build some character, or get a tattoo of Rousseau on my face. Had distraught, petulant cigarette about it last night, to prove what I'm made of.

*No, not Zen Earbuddhism, but it should be.

breakfastlady said...

Discovered small patch of wild garlic growing in my actual garden. Everything else growing appears to be a tulip so I will be able to eat the wild garlic pesto with a view of about a million tulips. I like it here.

Current job involves answering kerjillions of queries about a project I have not been involved with an am consequently extremely ill-qualified to answer queries on. As a result:

30% answering queries
30& posing queries about queries that have been posed
30% responding to queries I have posed queries about
2% dreaming about wild garlic pesto
8% mild panic over impending Easter hols and lack of arranged childcare. I'm going to tough this one out (by Friday this one will be 80%)

breakfastlady said...

Oh, and re animal cams. The Edinburgh panda cam is up - 'Watch Tian Tian as she plays in her hammock, munches on bamboo and climbs her tree house outdoors!' (she appears to be lying down doing absolutely f*ck all actually Edinburgh Zoo).

The pandas are approaching the 'breeding' season again and the male one is apparently doing handstands to impress us with his testosterone-based skillz.

Show me the money panda, show me the money.

Patience_Crabstick said...

UP: It is Tuesday, so I can eat. (Am doing the 5:2 diet.)
DOWN: Tomorrow is Wednesday and I must fast.

Hooray for your convalescent rat!

Waffle said...

Dear Sally, You appear to have stolen the life I was supposed to have I AM READY FOR YOU TO RETURN IT NOW.

Julie said...

Oh, detox cleanse. I am 46 and never done this so now I feel I have to. Not that I have any idea what I am doing....

I bought Kusmi tea Detox at eleven euros and something ridiculous for 250g of loose leaf. It smells lovely! like caramel and flowers. Tastes like bland tea, sadly.

So. What do I need to click? does it matter if I just go to the Guardian website and look at the facegoop column? I think there is a website seperate from this? I am doing my best here. I wish I knew the name of the publicist for Kusmi, it is quite the chic.

I shouldn't have had a negroni on a 'cleanse' should I? But I am happy and watching the Good Wife so my solidarity cleanse is going well. You can do it.

Anonymous said...

I'm mildly allergic to eggs so I use those periodically as a cleanse, in the form of eating an egg burrito or fried egg sandwich. It's lovely, really. Until it all hits my stomach etc.

Your up this time is truly an UP, I'm so glad your 'son' is back and the rodent is once again home!

Waffle said...

Julie - the negroni is totally detox. You don't need to click anything yet! (but you can, go on, click). I'll put up a link when this hell is finished and written.. and thank you!

Anon - ahahahahahah egg detox is madness. Brilliant madness.

Mara Gaulzetti said...

50% baby flatulence (He actually crawled up to me and put his bum in the air next to my face. Essentially he's been trying to fart in my mouth all morning. Now that he is one he's become so clever.)

10% rainy day shuffling about in pajamas.

5% napping with flatulent baby.

20% moving flatulent baby away from the fireplace

5% feeding him more flatulent foods apparently. He's had poached fish and lentils and horrible homemade veggie burgers all of which he thinks delicious.
Compared to my fridge at the moment YOUR JUICE LOOKS DELICIOUS. Tragic.

10% Cadbury cream egg I JUST found in the cupboard (possibly from 2012) that I plan on eating privately in the loo. Soon.

Anonymous said...

Deep in first trimester morning sickness, I feel I may need to avoid your blog & twitter until this vile juice & nut milk madness is over. I'll be back when I can stomach more than bran flakes & toast, honest.

Ha! My 'prove you're not a robot' words are bored & scream. The internet knows me so well.

Waffle said...

Anon - Ugh, poor you. It's ends today THANK FUCK. I hope you feel better soon.

Anonymous said... often links to webcams. Or you can just coo over today`s otter babies.

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ahmed said...
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