Shit, I haven't posted since Monday? It's not as if I've been gainfully occupied.
Judge for yourself whether these are ups or downs. There is little ambiguity, I suspect.
1. My neighbour has started singing along to his Johnny Halliday records.
2. I have spent much of the day chasing the chickens with a broom like a 1950s grandmother. They now spend more time confined to their generously proportioned chicken enclosure, but I am a bleeding heart chicken liberal and let them out for "variety" and "fun", which they reward by heading, with the pinpoint accuracy of drones, to the one square metre of the garden I want them to leave the fuck alone (it's where my Solomon's Ladders are trying to come out). Whose fault is this? Mine, obviously.
3. I have been screwed out of €41 by the paintball bastards.
4. Peanut the rat is on antibiotics at the vet's until the end of the week. We just got a postcard from L (soul of brevity) which says "Toblerones are 10 francs, do not forget Peanut". Little chance of that, my friend. I hope he gets home before L. Gah.
5. Lambing Live is enormously soothing. The wholesome curly haired woman keeps grabbing rams' testicles. There are lambs. Loads of lambs. Rolling Scottish landscapes. Chiselled men. I wish I could inject it directly into my eyeballs.
6. Still no one is answering my emails. (I do not blame them, they are not very compelling)
7. Mrs Bovary did the most lovely picture of me. Sigh. In my DREAMS I look like that.
8. Brain feels totally woolly, slow, confused. I spent all of yesterday laboriously writing 150 words on noodles. Are there supplements you can take that replicate the effect of a capybara kick up the arse? Crack, perhaps.
9. Daffodils are such good value. 2 quid, ten days of cheerful, no disgusting water slimage (hyacinths, I am looking at you).
20% Angry sinuses
10% Mild hangover
10% Yes, I'd love to work for a fraction of the rate I quoted you for that job because it's "good experience", silly me, I should have suggested that myself.
10% Pre-emptive Facegoop juice detox terror
10% Obama visit anti-climax
10% Lambing Live anticipation
8% Running away fantasies
22% Yorkshire Gold