May all your parcels be delivered by Yodel.
May your boiler malfunction on the Saturday night of a Bank Holiday weekend.
May your boss stumble across your Twitter feed on an especially bored and pissed off day.
May your juice fast never end.
May your Oyster card function on a five second delay.
May your signature lipstick be discontinued.
May your broadband be patchy and your bandwidth insufficient.
May you accidentally learn searing, unforgettable details of your parents' sex lives.
May your children be thick haired and susceptible to nits.
May the accordeonist always enter your metro carriage.
May your online dating site pair you repeatedly with your ex.
May your dentist become a holistic practitioner without warning.
May your walls be paper thin and your neighbours fond of adventurous sex and Sting.
May your checkout operative always require assistance with an exotic fruit with no bar code.
May your eBay password cease to function as you attempt to place the critical last minute bid.
May your online tax return vanish when you click 'save'.
May your Netflix buffer for all eternity.
May your Post Office queue be the one with all the garrulous pensioners.
May your bagging area hold an unexpected item in perpetuity.
May your sourdough starter perish (bobo curse)
May your contacts be wiped so you can no longer call-screen your exes and loquacious family members.
May your local pharmacy be staffed by hot young men when you need to discuss worms.
May the front page of your commute neighbour's free paper contain the spoilers you were so careful to avoid.
May the postman sneak away leaving a card when YOU WERE IN ALL THE TIME.
May the T-shirt you sourced in a Williamsburg thrift store be available in Urban Outfitters (hipster curse).
May you hit "reply all" instead of "forward".
May your pet develop powerful sexual feelings towards your favourite cushion.
Please add your own modern curses in the comments.