E: Oh dear. I just looked up the name of the fish I ate last night in English, which was called a "Sole Cardine" on the menu: "The megrim or whiff is a species of left-eyed Flatfish found in European seas", it says. "Left eyed flatfish"? "Whiff?" THESE ARE NOT GOOD WORDS FOR A RESTAURANT REVIEW.
M: Ahahhahahhahahahah, megrim.
E: What the fuck does "left eyed" mean. Doesn't it depend which way you look at the megrim or whiff?
M: Maybe he is one of those flat fish with just one eye on the side. His left eye.
E: Maybe. Who has decided it is his LEFT eye though? Isn't this a matter of perspective?
M: o - - - < The eye is there. On the left.
E: What on earth is THAT? I am collapsing in fish hysteria. I NEED A DIAGRAM.
M: A photo, you mean. Google him.
E: See?? If he was facing the other way, surely he would be a right eyed whiff.
2. Father is in the cellar
E: Fucking Wednesday. It's always Wednesday. This afternoon = 45 Dutch phrases to revise. The only one I like is "father is in the cellar".
F: That's a good one.
E: Father has the right idea.
F: How do you say it?
E: Vader zit in de kelder, I think.
F: Or, you know, it's a confession.
E: YES. I think you're right.
F: Evil blonde child comes clean. Mother, on the other hand, is in the trunk (or boot as you say). Mother is cut up in tiny pieces and strewn in the canal. "MOTHER IS INSIDE ME. SHE TELLS ME THINGS".
E: "Moeder wordt gesneden in kleine stukjes en bezaaid in het kanaal."
F: God, it sounds so scary in Dutch. I bet Moeder is a right bitch. No wonder Vader's in the basement. Who can blame him. He's got his cider press down there, his cuckoo clocks that he builds.
E: His … mice? Tulips?
F: Windmills. Miniature windmills.
3. A Steve Jobs lizard would totally meditate
M: I keep on hearing good things about meditation. Maybe I should try it. When, va savoir. I barely have time to wash.
E: Hmm, I know exactly what would happen if I did meditation. I would end up trapped in a cycle of repetitive thoughts about DEATH.
M: I think you are supposed to not think about anything. Which is restful. Similar to when I am dancing, I think. It might be good.
E: Yes. I get the principle. But my lizard brain would not agree.
M: Ha. The existentialist lizard brain.
E: Yup. In its black roll neck. Lizard in a polo neck.
M: No no no. You are describing a Steve Jobs lizard. A Steve Jobs lizard would totally meditate.