Monday, 18 November 2013

Stuff I saw in New York

(Hello. Sorry. This is like that "I went to market game", in my head. )

I went to New York (I am thirty nine next week and this was my very first time in AMERICA) and I saw:

- My virtual friend F for realz, and she was beautiful and kind and wickedly funny, entirely as I expected and we did not get shot at Bryant Park ice rink where there was a coat related shooting incident, but it was quite a close thing. (It wasn't really, but I like to imagine it was and am dining out on it)

F: I'm very glad I didn't take you there. You would have started a turf war.

E: I might have inadvertently complimented someone's coat.


- Two live rats and one dead rat.

- Loads of Greek phalluses.

- A tiny Etruscan owl on a delicate cup.

- And a real eagle owl glaring out over the Central Park Zoo railings.

- An outsized chocolate turkey (this features in two out of only about 8 photographs I took):

- Lots of dogs in shoes, none looking at all happy about the shoe wearing.

- Adam Sandler and his family having sushi two yards away from us.

- The 8am queue for cronuts outside Dominique Anstel bakery (approximately 80 strong, features in another 2 of my 8 photos).

- The man in the East Village who wears his cat, Nicholas, on his head and stops for photos.

- The cumbersome, slow, impressive erection of the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree.

- A German bishop's skull in a heavily gilded box.

- This sign at our hippy residence:

"we humbly and kindly ask AND REQUIRE"

- The Diana Ross Memorial Playground

- A letter in Thomas Cromwell's actual handwriting.

- And, taking off to go back to Belgium, the most stop-your-heart incredible view of the city at dusk, a view wonderful enough to force me to take a break from my stomach churning, sweaty certainty of imminent airborne death, to remove the scratchy orange blanket from over my head and say "wow, that's beautiful", and it takes a lot to distract me from the certainty of imminent airborne death.

So that was all lovely, and now I am back and there is rat mortality, bad skin, bad knees and overdue work. I have hidden a pile of ominous envelopes in a box and lost the box and tonight I need to explain facial contouring in French. Despite all this, I promise to update my weblog again soon.

What have you been up to?


Melinda Haunton said...

Writing about how awesome archives are, which your Thomas Cromwell letter connects to irresistibly: It's a campaign this week, which I love.

But travelling only by train, which is much better than flights of terror and death, much though I long to see New York.

Margaret said...

Yeah, we do a nice takeoff scene, don't we?

Did you try to take a photo of Cat Head Guy? Apparently he yells if you take a pic and don't give him money. Everyone hates him.

Dale said...

There you are! New York, eh? You make it sound a great deal more charming than it is, and thanks for not mentioning the crowds and the dirt.

Betty M said...

Did you eat a cronut then? Is it worth the indignity of queuing at dawn?
I am creating mole and weasel costumes for the school Christmas production of wind in the willows. I can't sew. Good thing they are to be distressed looking.

breakfastlady said...

While you've been admiring Cronut queues, we've been working on a British equivalent. See details here:

Waffle said...

Margaret - Ha! I did not DARE approach cat head guy. He was having his picture taken with some soldiers, who I assume tipped him.

Betty - Hell no. I had a pretzel croissant instead, which was delicious.

Breakfastlady Ahahahahahah BRING ME A COWNUT.

frau antje said...

I put my ominous skull in a box, and now I can't find it.

Diana Ross lives. No, really.

Waffle said...

Frau A - I did WONDER. I mean, I didn't think she was dead, but why would she have a playground?

Anonymous said...

Glad you had such a great time. I am your age (this is one of many things we have in common), and have never been to America. Went to London last week, though, and had the best cake at the trendy Honey & Co, which I highly recommend. Speaking of cake, I absolutely adored Kate Moses' Cakewalk, which you discovered thanks to you, so thank you!
Every time I go to London (twice a year), I always spot at least one celebrity, and this time I saw three, so it was a very fruitful trip;-)

Anonymous said...

Obviously, I meant "I discovered thanks to you..."

Patience_Crabstick said...

You saw some lovely things, and I am dying over the rules in your hippie residence. I visit New York every once in a while, but it seems that I will never see everything it has to offer.

frau antje said...

The usual American reason, she paid for it.

Waffle said...

Frau A - I quite like the idea of her shoo-ing all the children out and just sitting there, looking angry and dramatic. "THIS IS MY PLAYGROUND AND I'LL DO WHAT I LIKE IN IT"

Fresca said...

I see the Cronut is stuffed with cream; the hippie residence would not allow them in the door.

Glad you're back on-blog!

Xtreme English said...

hooray! You're back!! Never mind about us. You are much more interesting!

Lisa-Marie said...

YOu went to the Met, home of ALL the phallic symbols then?

Also did you happen to see a small dog in red shoes? My husband was there to work for 3 months, he kept talking about a dog in red shoes.

You see owls EVERYWHERE. Maybe it is your special power!

Anonymous said...

I am glad you are back and that the plane did not crash! Here is another owl to look at:

M.M. said...

Congrats on your trip to such an interesting destination. The turkey is something unique.

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