I fell over on some slippery leaves in the park yesterday and everything aches and my hips have seized up and when I get up I utter an involuntary guttural squawk like an abandoned baby vulture and clutch my mid-section. I also have permanent eye strain and can no longer spy on the tiny brown birds in the garden (causing me to long for binoculars). I am officially 900 years old.
I downloaded a template for making an adorable vintage style decorated matchbox advent calendar in the middle of some holiday related psychotic break (these are frequent and prolonged in late Nov-early Dec, before I reach the crucial "fuck it" tipping point and get everyone a bar of Cadbury's Old Jamaica or a book they already own) and now I have to try and find 24 tiny matchboxes. If you try and buy that many boxes of matches people think you are either (i) a survivalist or (ii) a pyromaniac.
I do not dare look at my bank balance, which is a shame since I have around €1300 in outstanding bills to pay. I do, however, feel fairly confident it contains nowhere near that much money.
Younger spawn is in one of his phases of being obsessed with a ludicrous internet gewgaw. The cycle this follows is wearingly familiar:
1. Sees ludicrous gewgaw in Picsou/Science et Vie Junior/on Friday Download. (Current object of desire: a gyroscope. Previous objects: plasma ball, Ostrich pillow, magnetic putty, reading light with "eye" that shuts, etc etc etc).
2. Googles gewgaw obsessively. Talks, obsessively, repetetively, at length, about gewgaw.
3. Decides he CANNOT LIVE ANOTHER MOMENT, and certainly not until Christmas, without gewgaw and must spend own money thereon. Intensive, Which? magazine style trawl through numerous internet purveyors of expensive tat ensues, in which parental advice and opinions are repeatedly sought, and rejected. Settles upon object. Fails to include P&P in financial calculations for which aged parent is apparently supposed to then stump up.
4. Awaits, febrile, arrival of parcel. Asks every day when parcel is arriving. Checks letterbox repeatedly. Requests access to online tracking. Sighs, last thing at night, at how impatient he is for much anticipated, longed-for, precious gewgaw.
5. Gewgaw arrives, to great exultation. Plays with for approx 30 minutes, loses interest.
6. Cycle begins again.
It is a good thing he is very well-behaved and funny and largely charming, or I could be tempted to put him up for sale in Picsou magazine.
I am testing eye creams and I hate eye creams and they keep getting in my eyes and making them even more bloodshot than usual. Test result spoiler: I HATE ALL EYE CREAMS.
I am having horrible punctuation problems due to most of my current workload being French. In typographically correct French you have to leave a space before and after any punctuation mark that has two parts to it, thus : which is hideous, but once you are used to it, how do you stop ? You don't ; and English people think you are incapable of following basic rules (which you indeed now are, due to intense hand/brain confusion).
New Facegoop on winter skin, krakens and getting eaten by wolves at Hackney Wick, please to be clicking.
Two whippets walking together are a hilarious sight, like a mini peloton of simpletons.
Also on a dog theme, someone I know is getting one from a shelter and they showed me the site and I have stumbled on this creature:
Beretta! I love you.
This came out while I was on holiday and I LOVED writing it. I wish I had more jobs like this (yes, that would require me not to be such a craven wimp and go out and look for them)
It is snowing tonight (well, disgusting wet slushy stuff but definitely white) but the fire is on and I am going to have a bath and read the Cazalets and not work, inefficiently, for many half-arsed hours as is my wont in the evenings presently. That, or watch the whirling circle of doom as some telly programme I should have watched weeks ago buffers.
Horse ying and yang. What kind of horse-human relationship crisis was happening in the town centre this afternoon requiring a home visit? Mind. Boggled. I hope one day to be in the position to have need of his services.