Wednesday, 9 October 2013

The Homeland is Secure

Sorry, I missed a day. There were attenuating circumstances (visitors, nits. Possibly now on reflection, visitors with nits, sorry visitors).

DOWN:

I have just agreed to let my children set a fire in the garden just so that they would stop playing the guitar.* I have reached this point.

The dog had one of its periodic gastric explosions in the night so 7-8am was three rolls of kitchen paper, bottle of bleach, skewer for the gaps between the floorboards and all the swear words time.

Both children have nits, obviously.

*L has just acquired a guitar and now my head feels like it might be about to rip itself off my neck and just run away to escape the strumming.

I have to write F four postcards by tomorrow morning to be provided to his teacher and taken on his class Dutch language seaside trip next week. What on earth am I supposed to write? I can hardly say I am missing him or tell him about amusing household incidents since HE IS STILL HERE.

UP:

Do you remember the tiny turtle crochet kit Google translated from Korean ("aha, it looks so perky")? Probably not. Anyway, having been definitively beaten by this 'Age 6+' kit, I have finally found someone skilled, soft-hearted and suggestible enough to pressure into MAKING THE TURTLE.

Turtle kit:


"Armor with hard shell, I am going to defend my homeland". I feel this is a somewhat ambitious claim for a crocheted tortoise.

Turtle "volunteer" trying to decipher the cryptic and fierce instructions:



TURTLE (sort of):



"It looks" said her husband R thoughtfully, his head on one side "like one of those rasta hats".

Which, once seen, cannot be unseen, so we have called him Bob.

As well as Bob and the guitar, and a frog shaped clicking keyring and a tiny wooden rhino with an even tinier wooden rhino inside and a pomegranate and a small stone elephant and a set of sculpting chisels for the boys (they are not believers in travelling light), Les and Rob brought me the most beautiful tea cup and saucer and perfectly formed small plate for cake, as modelled here by Bob:


Even though it is nowhere near my birthday.

There is a coffee eclair somewhere in this house and it is my settled intention to locate and eat it now. I hope Wednesday was kind to you.

14 comments:

Nina said...

Life is always improved by your bloggings.

Xtreme English said...

yeah....i think i have it bad until I read your blog!

Anonymous said...

Rasta hats and nits. Just sayin.

Anonymous said...

Just keep writing. Keep writing. I'm loving all of it.

You make a shitty day so much less shitty, despite your travails with the Weepette's nether regions.

Cats are no better - our beloved caught not one but two enormous mouse/rats today (we be very rural in a very wild country), though the presence of the first victim was only discovered when I spotted some suspicious gizzards upon a newly cleaned pale yellow rug. Nuff said.

Second victim was intact upon presentation, given that said cat pranced inside with it lolling in his jaws.

Cat, last seen, was eating his entree with gusto on doormat outside back door, having been ejected from his domicile by his ungrateful human.

Gawd, animals and their habits and their digestive systems and their doings and their repellant goings-on and their smells and their habits and their instincts and their misguided notions of what constitutes reasonable behaviour. But love them we do.

Always a joy to settle down with some waffling, Waffle.

Janey

cruella said...

Wednesday, that was yesterday, right? Shitty day indeed. I'm homeschooling my 17 year old for various reasons. I'm not cut out for such, that is certain. Daughter has been home sick AND homesick for Sweden and friends for two days. We've had tears and outbursts and anger and moping and all the rest. And both of them are awfully behind on their school work for various reasons (one of them holiday in Vietnam).

frau antje said...

Having no notion of what constitutes reasonable behavior, or perhaps just being confused by finding it thin on the ground, I thought that outbursts and anger and moping and all the rest were normal.


Was forwarded letter of college dean Wednesday, bidding everyone to appreciate the Autumn colors, and saying how he was identifying with Louise Penny character.

Patience_Crabstick said...

What a brave little turtle, and of all the slogans they could have put on the package, why on Earth did they pick that one?

My Wednesday was absolute shit. I have played a very small role in implementing a very large project at work. Now, four business days before its "go-live" I've suddenly been thrust into the limelight and everyone is asking me questions that I can't answer, and it is apparently my responsibility to train people to do something which I have never been trained to do either.

And I was on call and a notoriously hateful and abusive physician needed help and I cried publicly at work because I was going to have to call him and listen to his verbal abuse. (When I did call, he had left his office for the day, but I am still going to have to call him today.)

Blonde said...

Your blog is my new favourite thing.

Bad luck with the nits. Although now I feel scratchy.

cruella said...

frau antje, you are of course right. teenagers equal moping, outbursts, tears and what not. but somehow I've been lulled into thinking daughter had her stuff sorted, despite having just moved to china. my mistake. I handle it with wine, beer, long walks with Swedish news shows in my ears. and wordfeud.

Ranveer Patil said...

I like this a lot. Thank you for sharing. I'm always looking for upcycles like this. In the end, you don't know it was a shipping pallet to begin with!
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