Thursday, 12 September 2013

Listed umbrella stand


Nothing really, except that I have a completely atypical surge of energy and joie de vivre this evening and I want to run and jump and shout and get into trouble and drink martinis and dance and the programme for this evening contains not the merest suspicion of the above. Rather, I will remove seemingly endless boys' pants from the legs of boys' trousers, ignore the dishes and go to bed at ten.

(Note: today I got dressed up and put on make up and went out and did stuff and am cheerful. Yesterday I did not and was not. The day before, more dressing up, going out, contact with humans and good humour. A perceptive soul might discern a pattern here)

Oh, go on, one more, slightly disgusting. I have scratched/worried at/peeled away the skin on my left foot so badly I CAN NO LONGER WALK ON IT PROPERLY. When I wake up in the morning, I have to limp on my insole to the cupboard to find socks before I can put my foot on the ground properly. This has been an ongoing self-mutiliation project since approximately June and my foot looks like one of the pictures they used to keep in a sealed envelope in the photo library when my stepmother worked for a medical magazine. Bravo. No, really, it's quite the achievement.


An unexpectedly jolly encounter with a lovely jeweller. I did not really want to go to this encounter, because I (i) know nothing about jewellery (ii) have no outlet in which I could conceivably write about jewellery, but I agreed anyway and I am very glad I did because he was deliciously camp and gossipy and I want him to be my friend and come out drinking with me and let me try on giant Liz Taylor style tiaras in the vault.  I got to play with one of those magnifying glass things you see in films that you hold in place with your eye socket and also some hilariously enormous jewels, gigantic diamonds and luscious rare green toned sapphires. I still don't "get" jewellery (any I have ever owned I have broken or lost), but it was great fun and now I know:

- when people try black and white pearls on, they always choose white because they are more flattering against the skin.

- Belgians are suspicious of yellow toned pearls.

- There is a grave dearth of rubies currently.

- The shop's umbrella stand is protected under listed building legislation.

All of which will doubtless stand me in good stead for upcoming conversations with public transport lunatics/my children. It looked like rather a nice job, working in a jewellers for the Belgian landed gentry, though I suppose you have to know about jewels, which rather excludes me.


The corner shop, where I can now send my children for emergency Twixes, a miracle of parenthood that shines, undiminished by the passage of time. A child who can make a cup of tea and go and fetch an emergency pint of milk (or Twix) with only minimal grumbling/bargaining is beyond rubies. And we all know how rare they are at the moment.


frau antje said...

Learning about gems and precious metals is interesting, even if you don't wear them. And yes, there's a (versatile) German word for them: Schmuck.

Tinne from tantrums and Tomatoes said...

As a trueborn Belgian I am shocked to my very core that I did not know about this majestic umbrella stand!
Yet another item to add on the list of 'Reasons why I should sue my school and cash a fat compensation'.

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