Wednesday, 18 September 2013

Cooking with Iguanas


Oh, Night Film. I was very much looking forward to you on the recommendation of people whose taste I trust, then you arrived and there was so much of you and you were so unwieldy and having slogged through to your thoroughly anticlimactic end I did not by that juncture give a stuff about, I must conclude with regret that I did not like you very much. What next? I asked my friend F for a recommendation last week and subsequently came across a cryptic 'to do' list on my phone that read "mating Norman rush" and was very confused (turns out it's not available on Kindle anyway). So what to read? Recommendations very welcome.

My plan to go to the lovely café for lapsang souchong and a large slice of cake was thwarted by the lovely café being closed. Woe. Walked the rainy streets and bought dog shit bags and frozen bagels instead and ate Knorr soup which was like green tinged salty wallpaper paste.

Fourth day hopelessly in thrall to a 'Kung Fu Fighting' earworm. There is no dignity in this earworm. I have tried to kill it with the theme from Pokemon, but not even that is working.

My eyes seems to have stopped tolerating Bobbi Brown Gel Ink Eyeliner, which is basically the end of my life as a presentable human being. Full Mole Rat from now on.

Not so much a down as a matter of intellectual curiosity: Found myself googling "why is despair a mortal sin?" today. I mean, it doesn't seem like it's hurting anyone, does it? What's so bad about despair? It's just high-octane moping, after all. Well. Apparently in Catholic theology it is a mortal sin because it involves a sort of conscious, positive, refusal to countenance the possibility of salvation which is a massive diss to God. Fascinating.


1. The children are gorn, gorn, gorn to diving and I can go and lie in a boiling hot bath in a minute and try and see if 4OD will let me watch the fantastic old ladies programme (it wasn't working earlier, but it sounded magnificent).

2. Today's stupid M discussion: the cooking of iguana, thanks to this picture (from this delightful series of pics):

M: Maybe it's just a family pet, helping her out as she cooks? 

E: Hmm. I fear she's cooking it. The thing on the plate looks quite iguana-y.  

M: It'd be a bit like crocodile, no? 

E: I bet it's a bitch to prepare. 

M: I eat your FACE, dinosaur descendant. (Not much meat on a face). 

E: No. Face meat = negligible. 

3. My delightful friend who has the most enormous steel trap brain and knows ancient Greek and reads everything imaginable is currently obsessed by a computer game about breeding dragons, designed for eight year old girls.

F: Why are you not playing Dragonvale with me, Emma? 

E: Because it is ridiculous. 

F: I am getting a platinum dragon! I am very excited! 


F: I am very good at it! I'm level 30! 

E: I am laughing. Laughing at you. 

F: Every day I get rewarded. I swear to you, it's the only place like that in my whole life. 

E: Ok, you have me. Fair enough. I would like that. Who wouldn't? 

I am still not "raising my own baby dragons on islands in the sky!" though.

What in your life rewards you every day that does not involve hard work, talent or spiritual beatitude? We are talking the quickest and dirtiest of quick wins here, with no higher moral purpose allowed at all.


Helen said...

If we're talking quick, dirty, no-effort rewards, my 'brain twin' (who is also called Emma, you are clearly Good People) can be consistently relied upon to respond in exactly the way I was hoping she would to a moany or angry IM, or a photo of food, or some such other nonsense. Last night, watching Bake Off in our respective countries, we IM'd the same thing to each other at exactly the same time on no less than three occasions.

Book recommendations - I've not read much recently, what with the thesis and all, and I can't remember if I already recommended this but 'The Detective's Daughter' was an interesting murder solving type thing. Also 'White Truffles In Winter', about Escoffier and his wife. Other than that I can highly recommend some excellent oral poetics books....

JenninDC said...

I would like to suggest playing word games as a solution to both getting rewards for little effort AND as a way to get rid of earworms...!

Anonymous said...

Ref fantastic old ladies - I work just round the corner from the boutique in which Jean Woods works and see her regularly. She always looks stunning. I'm hoarding the programme to watch at the weekend!
Love your blog! Jx

Xtreme English said...

our friends elicit the best conversations and repartee from us. can't be helped. these things MUST be blogged! So enjoying your posts these days, mme. waffle! really.

Unknown said...

Why does this remind me of the emails from a friend traveling in Peru who went out of her way to eat cut which is guinea pig? It comes skinned but with the heads on--tiny teeth and all. Tastes like "dark meat chicken."

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

Duped once again by the GOOG-MONSTER spell corrector. Should read CUY not CUT. The deleted post read "Good Monster" for "Goog Monster." Die, monster die.

Mara Gaulzetti said...

Sudoku is my only effortless reward. It's so sad, but I'm awfully proud when I complete one in record time, and no writing any hint numbers down either.

Unknown said...

Whilst you could add on moral rewards if you were so inclined, if you don't then keeping chickens is a quick reward each morning. Eggs! Each! Day! It is as though we have been chosen to be The Blessed People.

Of course there are foxes and the dog next door, who regularly try to make us feel like we are the Chosen Damned by eating said chooks, but when they don't... Eggs! Each! Day!

ganching said...

My book of the year so far is HHhH by Laurent Binet. I missed my stop on the train twice while reading this. Considering it is about one of the most notorious Nazis ever it is actually quite entertaining and funny. Higly recommend plus you will be able to read it in original French.

Also currently reading Heft by Liz Moore which I am liking very much.

Waffle said...

Ganching - HHhH was my favourite book of the summer. Loved.

Kathleen - Mmmmm, ginipig as my children spell it. Head on! Dark chicken! I suppose it could be worse.

Tamara - Aha, F is hell bent on getting chickens for his tenth birthday in March. I don't know if it's legal but we will soon find out.

Jennybegoode - the old ladies were amazing. Baroness Trumpington in particular filled me with awe.

Unknown said...

One of the best books for wannabe writers is on offer today (Kindle Daily Deal, the reason why I have 200 unread ebooks) - how fab that the author's name is Prose:-):
I've heard v. good things about it and duly purchased.
In terms of fiction, I'm really enjoying Julie Orriger's novel:

frau antje said...

I would actually take societal approval of my need to be off somewhere thinking private thoughts (abominable!), before a daily reward. Would wear tentacle! If that's what it takes! But only if I could buy this place, and keep a small and unobtrusive staff.

Perhaps this will cure your earworm, fast as lightening--

Currently reading Bird Cloud. Bitching about a house and anything near it for 200 pages (this sounds SO familiar, where have I heard that before?). It's addictive if you need the misery of this bird-watching company. Waiting for the sequel: 'Egrets? I've had a few'

David Oliver said...

I would prefer cooking with an iguana to cooking with my cat. That is as long as iguanas don't meow. Maybe they hiss. Guess I need to test and see which one is most tolerable.

I had to two dragons in UltimaOnline once upon a time. They got mad at me and killed me. It was a lot of trouble getting resurrected so I'm done with dragons for awhile.

I love all the Neil Stephenson books I've read but Cryptonomican is my favorite. You can always read the serial story I've started on my blog if you are contemplating suicide from boredom.

B said...

ZOMG my friend plays that dragon breeding game, and when i was visiting her and her boyfriend, they were STRATEGISING and i tried to look supportive but then just went outside with my book and some wine and a cigarette. the end.

Lindsey said...

If you haven't read the Cazalet Chronicles then you must, immediately, because they are ace and you will love them. Otherwise, since I seem to take all my book recommendations from India Knight on Twitter, you've probably read all the ones I have - The Other Typist; HHhH, Beautiful Ruins; Big Machine by Victor Lavelle; The Last Girlfriend on Earth by Simon Rich (and Elliot Allagash too, if you haven't read it)...

Waffle said...

Linsdey - You know Cazalets five is coming out in November??? BIG EXCITEMENT. Haven't read last two on your list, now adding to mine, thanks.

Anonymous said...

There is a long and convoluted story I know, involving a cockerell being smuggled to Flanders because it was inadvertantly living in Brussels where it was illegal (cocks are not allowed to crow in a built up area apparently). Don't know about hens.. but you can't keep a cockerell in Uccle!

Waffle said...

HMMM. The chicken plot thickens. I must investigate further.

Lindsey said...

I gave already pre-ordered Cazalet 5 and have taken the day off on 7 November so I can read it all in one go, straight away. Some might suggest that I need to Get A Life, but they'd be wrong, obviously...

Rebecca said...

"Americanah" is really good. And I just read "The Burial" by Courtney Collins, which was a very enjoyable bit of Australia research. "Secret River" by Kate Grenville is great too on that theme. I liked "Apple Tree Yard" a lot, but I have a feeling you might have recommended that, in which case that's not too useful.

I love the idea of planning a day off to read your book. I'd never thought of doing that.

Patience_Crabstick said...

Hold the phone! There is a new Cazalet movie coming out? Or a book? Is Elizabeth Jane Howard still alive?

My quick win is that computer game with the descending balls. If you get three in a row, they disappear and there is room for even more descending balls. I think it is called Treo, and I have gotten quite good at it.

oggleyboggley said...

EYELINER! I've had an unhealthy obsession with the stuff since I was about 13 thanks to being called piggy/chinky eyes throughout my childhood (I know...).
So, I feel I am in a good position to recommend a (better) alternative to Bobbi Brown (which I have also used) - *

It has amazing staying power and having hooded eyelids (tsk) I can tell you that there is very little transfer even after wearig all day! I think I first read about it on who is responsible for a. many of my purchases and b. many laughs.

Incidentally, I really enjoy your blog!


*OGOD, I had/am having a minor panic attack as this proved harder to find a link for than I thought - please don't let them have stopped making it! Just goes to show how long it last though :-)

Waffle said...

Oggleyboggley - OOOOH, I've only just seen your comment and now I MUST HAVE ME SOME. Also, I love A Model Recommends too, and am currently using a cleanser she recommended.

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