2. There cannot possibly be a legendary Pokemon called "Kieran" because that is a footballer's, and not a Pokemon's name, yet I am fairly sure that is what they just said on CITV. L's sickbed (sicksofa) commentary on CITV has been most entertaining. He is outraged by it, in the manner of Jacob Rees-Mogg. He has just said, incredulously:
"C'est QUOI ça? C'est un truc qui se propulse avec des PETS".
(WHAT is that? It's something that moves along using FARTS)
Then, with a disgusted headshake:
"Maintenant il y a un truc qui s'appèle Stinky Monkey, c'est un monkey qui vomit et qui fait caca tous le temps".
(Now there's something called Stinky Monkey, it's a monkey who vomits and poos all the time).
"Nearly Naked Animals, c'est un dessin animé d'animaux en slip. C'est ridicule"
(Nearly naked animals is a cartoon of animals in pants. It's ridiculous)
I realise as I type that this isn't at all funny unless you can see and hear his lip curling disdain at the vulgarity of it all, so sorry, this is not funny at all. However, you are by now used to that, surely. I have not left the house of plague for days except to go and fetch Picsou magazine and take the dog for a crap, so "not funny" is about as good as it's going to get, I fear. My only other registers are "plaintive" and "burning martyr".
3. We spoke to F on the phone, briefly. His answers were mainly monosyllables, but cheerful ones. I am no wiser as to what he is doing. There was mention of clay (that golem again). He hung up very briskly while I was still bleating at him.
4. I had a rather longer and more meandering conversation with Prog Rock. Topics covered:
- The demise of Whiskers, his sort of timeshare dog, and his strange mystical dreams about Whiskers turning into a dog made of pipecleaners. Poor Whiskers was lovely, but very much on his last legs (literally. Actually it might have been leg, singular) when we were in York at Christmas. It will be sad without him.
- Whether Thatcherism would have happened sans Thatcher. Prog Rock developed a lengthy counter-factual for the 1979 election based on Denis Healey introducing a 6% pay norm.
- The meaning of the lyric in Jacques Brel's Ce Plat Pays that goes "quand les fils de novembre nous reviennent en mai" (best guess: The War)
It was very satisfying.
5. Coincidentally, in view of the Prog Rock/Whiskers conversation which I did not discuss with him, L has been spending much of his lengthy convalescence making pipe cleaner animals. He deposits them on the table next to me, I have to guess what they are, then he goes away and makes more. I mean, it's less disruptive than setting fires, I suppose.
A bar of Milka TUC for the person who can correctly identify all these creatures (good luck with the yellow and orange one in the middle).
Yes, this is how we are spending our days. We tried to go to the cinema, but L got terribly weak and wobbly and the film was atrocious. We may never go out again.
I sent that picture of the creatures to M who said "for some reason, that reminds me of this picture"
"That's you, sitting in the middle". Like a general in a Cambodian royal funeral cortège. Yes.
Uh oh, he's back with another.
It is time for someone to rescue us now. Possibly the sun. I'm thinking the sun could mount a good rescue operation. Some soft breezes, a little golden warmth, the gradual shy unfurling of some vegetation? I could go with that.