Monday, 6 August 2012

Photo post with bonus maths

I have been looking at our holiday photos and getting amused all over again at the Scooby Doo Creepy Arcade.

This makes it look sort of romantic, which is entirely inaccurate.

This is a bit more like it.

I have two of them, because I liked it so much.

I especially liked the "Attractions Modernes" cabin.

Also, I am reminded looking at these pictures of our holidays, how much I am missing the cheeldrenne, who return tomorrow after an extended absence doing le camping, chiz. Rather them than me. I saw the campsite. It has hole in the ground loos and strutting men who walk around in extremely short shorts and do pull ups on door frames. They, predictably, have loved every minute. Apparently they spend their days with a gang of like-minded Mario and Pokémon enthusiasts riding their bikes round in circles and lurking on the playground, practising looking as if they are filled with ennui. It sounds like perfect preparation for adolescence.

I like on this picture how Lashes still has a phantom plump, babyish curve to his cheek. He doesn't really look like that any more, but I do still remember when he did.

Whereas Fingers doesn't normally look this big.

Who is that enormous leaping child? Apparently it is mine. I have heard very little from either of them in the last two weeks and telephone calls run to the monosyllabic. "Are you having a nice time?" "Yes". Fin. If pushed, they occasional come out with one of the following questions:

1. "Do the rats miss me?"

Answer: are you a dried banana? If the answer to that question is 'no', then no.

2. "What is your favourite reptile maman?"

Well, son, that depends on whether you are planning to bring it home in a bucket for me. If so, the mighty anaconda. Why are you asking?

3. "Did you watch Fort Boyard?"

In your absence, I have absolved myself of that particular pleasure, my darlings. There is a better class of person running around in Lycra on my television at the moment. Also: ENDLESS HORSES.

Enough of that, let us play "Market Maths".

If Emma smugly buys one melon for €1,50 nine mangoes for €3 and 6 avocados for €2 on Sunday:

And on Monday she is obliged to put two of the mangoes in the bin because they have gone completely black, observes that three are growing a crop of ominous, plague-like black spots whilst another 3 are hard as riven steel, and eats the only one that is ripe, whilst 5/6 avocadoes have turned to putrid black pulp what is the probability that Emma is an idiot? What percentage of the melon do you estimate will be edible based on your calculations? 

For a bonus mark, how is your answer affected if she has also purchased two bunches of mint at €0,25 each and left them in a glass to go all crispy and dry, whilst allowing a bunch of coriander (€0,25) to go a bit slimy in the sink before using a few springs half heartedly in a stir fry? Show your working. Or not. 

What fruit and vegetable bastards have no middle ground between adamantine and rotten for you? And what bargains just .. aren't? 


Aspasie said...

Ah, this is a terrible thing. The fruit I mean.

I have learned to hate American Super Markets, this is because anything I buy fruit, if I do not vigourous shake the containers they are in, you only see the pretty ones they put on top.

Then you get home, open them up, and find that the fruit in the middle has gone off.

This happens to me most particularly with Grapes and Strawberries...but has also occured with Blueberries and Raspberries :(

Dara said...

asparagus. always bought with best good for you, nature's diuretic, blah, blah, blah.

Ellie said...

Peaches. They are the very devil-- at my American super-market we can choose our own, and I do all of the right things (which once made a shop-lady fly at me like a harpy when I was an ignorant 13 year old in Paris)-- I check them for just-enough-but-not-too-much softness, I surreptitiously sniff for peach-scentedness, and so forth and so on, and no matter what I do, they are either hard and crispy like apples, or mysteriously black around the pits. In the fall, the same thing happens to me with pears.

The Reluctant Launderer said...

I have a question, alas unrelated to rotting fruit. I really hope the answer is YES. Is that a bearded lady lounging against the counter in the first creepy photo of the Scooby Doo attraction? Or just a shadow, or (more likely) my mind playing hopeful tricks?


I am with Ellie on the pears. One day, bullet. Next day, grainy pap. No: O see this delicious juicy imported pear that I am eating in Canada see the juice and MMMM the delicious fresh taste. Never that. Just the pap, the grainy pap, and the disappointment. All the time.

Xtreme English said...

good for you, waffle, for buying mangoes and avocados, however many of them turn out edible. think of the stray vitamins you're getting! i do have a secret for the avocados and mangoes: buy them one at a time from a bodega. belgium may not have many immigrants from central america, but they do know their produce! they don't put out stuff in their own stores that's not actually edible. haven't been burned yet. melon? buy the kind that are already cut up. bonne chance, or however you say it.....:)

Sue said...

Oooh that is one creepy amusement arcade. Love the spirit of hopefullness that named the coin drop machine 'Monte Carlo' and please tell us what you had to try to do to win the lovely stuffed toy looming over the counter!

Waffle said...

'Donate a kidney to the organ farm under the counter' I think, Sue.

WrathofDawn said...

The quality of produce here this summer is dire, which is doubly annoying as it's all so dear now. I have to throw about 1/3 of everything I buy.

Emily said...

but of course you've seen this (or I don't know what's wrong with you):

Z said...

If I find a perfectly ripe peach, nectarine or mango I buy it, run home and eat it straight away. This does not work for the pear, you have to buy it before it is ripe but just before so you can run home and hope to catch it in the ten minutes between perfect juicy ripeness and woolly nastiness with brown around the core.

Proper wild field mushrooms. Pick and eat before the maggots hatch. I don't mind the protein of maggot eggs but the squirmy little chaps render the fungus inedible for me.

Nimble said...

I'm trying to learn to eat the avocados sooner, I have seen too many into decrepitude. But mangos are treacherous. Some of them ripen to perfumey perfection and others just get soft or black with no edible stage whatsoever.

Took our kids to the midway at the county fair. They think those rattle-trap rides are terribly exciting. I hate paying the high price for ride tickets. But after the hot sweaty sun finally goes down and the lights are swooping around it's hard to resist.

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you're back, Ms. Waffle :-)

Grit said...

i throw nothing out. NOTHING. I make the children eat everything, which frankly isn't hard if i mix it with pasta. stew also comes in handy, once a week. along with innovation. i think stewed strawberries, peas and cheese was our most inventive summer pudding ever.

i do accept however that i skirt about on the lunatic fringe where you get the sort of people who eat only roadkill.

SUEB0B said...

I should just bring bananas home and throw them straight into the bin, because I cannot tolerate them when they have even the slightest banana-like flavor, so they must be eaten almost green.

Also, greens. Those leafy vitaminy kinds like kale and arugula. I buy 9 bunches that get tossed out for every one I actually eat.

I am ashamed.