So I didn't win an award, but thank you so much for wrestling with the demented voting system on my behalf, I am really very grateful, truly. You are very, very kind and patient. I give you an award as nicest blog readers with a high tolerance of ornothological and equine trivia and complaining. Your prize is a further helping of mithering.
I wish I could be standing in front of you delirious with triumph and waving a small perspex cube, but instead I slapped several inches of concealer on my gigantic red nose of pestilence, went to an industrial estate on the fringes of Brussels and stood in a corner feeling like a decrepit, socially inept idiot in a room full of 23 year old bloggers, all for naught. Failure is supposed to be good for you, apparently, and a force for creativity, which is excellent news since I seem to have a dramatic surplus of it at the moment. I am the guardian of the EU failure mountain; its sherpa, if you will. I could pretend I don't care, but it would be a big fat lie. I was hoping for a shred of shiny win in this cold, wet spring of bleurgh and quasi-bankruptcy and now I am going to have to find it somewhere else, possibly in this family sized lemon drizzle cake by my elbow, or in a puffin cam set to a soundtrack of, I think, Radio Shetland. I just turned it on and they were saying:
"And we have trees. Which we are massively proud of".
"Yes, because Shetland has very few trees".
The last time I listened it was wall to wall Scottish country dancing music. Amazing.
Anyway, I am massively bored of the contents of my own head (sinus gunk, self-flagellation, distraction, sulking, whyyyyyyyyy) and I should just be grateful I don't work in a Nigerian sawmill, so let's talk about something else shall we? Ideally something funny.
Here are a few things that have cheered me today:
Marc Jacobs' Met Ball outfit. Brilliant. I can't begin to imagine the thought process. 'I just didn't wanna wear a tuxedo and be boring', he's quoted as saying, which is an entirely admirable sentiment and I do not think anyone could argue that he has absolutely achieved his stated aim.
Katyboo's description of an awful avant-garde play she recently endured. "Everyone got undressed to the sound of random break beats operated by a guy with a Mac squatting at the back of the stage ... finally scrotum boar head got dressed".
Some incredibly stupid conversations with M, including one where we tried to form a hip hop duo, Phoolish and Fukkedoff and another where she tried to get me to use the phrase 'goat nads' as a motivational mantra and a third where we explored the possibility of writing a frightening French children's book about Satan's death (which continues to haunt my dreams), in the manner of these, collated by Jenny Colgan. Provisional title 'La Dernière Carotte'.
"You should write it. I will illustrate. It will be about the inevitability of death. And carrots. 32 pages. GO ON".
"NO. This is not a good use of my time".
"I beg to differ".
A trip to the Van Buren museum to see some sculpture. Ok, that one isn't even slightly funny, but the Van Buren museum was deliciously soothing. It is a perfectly preserved art deco villa, with stained glass windows and hand stitched soft furnishings, and it smells of the dust of ages and furniture polish and bourgeois comfort.
I took some fairly awful pictures. If you live in Brussels and you haven't been, you really should. It is far better than any picture of mine could convey.
Iffy photo of the interior, but gives an idea of the soft, dark patina of the place:
Detail of the curtains, apparently hand restored by a single craftswoman somewhere in the depths of Flanders:
Parts of the exhibition, ineptly photographed:
(It was pissing down which did not help in the slightest, but look how amazing the gardens are, in the middle of Brussels!)
Tomorrow Man's buttocks:
There is a lovely video of Tomorrow Man's twin, who lives on the sea front at Knokke, on the artist, Catherine François's website, here, below a great video of the installation of this exhibition, which gives you a slightly clearer look at the gardens.
This article about doing whatever the Internet tells you to for a day also amused me. If I did that today, I would:
- Stay in a teepee in Limburg
- Listen to someone called Brad Oberhofer (no, nor me)
- Watch a film on "le mystère musicale coréen"
- Go hiking in Norway
- Buy some chickens and Clarks Women's Flats.
You know, I am not even sure the Internet is wrong.
What does the internet want YOU to do today?