Saturday, 5 May 2012

Cookery class

So, we went to a cookery class this morning and my defining emotion about the whole business was a sort of gradually dawning realisation that I really wished I hadn't drunk so much wine the night before.

However, it was moderately fun, in as much as my eyeballs and temples were in any state to have 'fun' and very relaxed. We made:

Tomato and mozzarella tarte tatins

Children's verdict: ok if you remove the tomatoes and the mozarella and just eat the denuded circle of puff pastry.

My verdict: Nice. But remind me, why are we having our lunch at eleven fifteen? This is just like when I used to work in that school for delinquents in Normandy and we had to go to the canteen before the children, at half eleven, every day.  Stew and tongue and mashed potato, mid morning. What's that? I can have wine if I like? I am miraculously reconciled to this.

Smoked salmon, courgette and goat's cheese clafoutis

Children's verdict: An emphatic no.

My verdict: Also a no: too many ingredients, spookily bland. Making my gut contract as if in thrall to one of those 1990s Slendertone belts. Eggs: the kill or cure of hungover stomachs.

Meatballs with carrot and spring onion

Children's verdict: 'Trop bon'.

My verdict: Perfectly pleasant, but you know what would go really well with this? Nurofen.

Strawberry tiramisu. 

Children's verdict: L rolled around in ecstasy and begged for spares, Fingers just sort of looked at it with blank disappointment.

My verdict: I would actually like to make this myself. Actually, I could imagine that it might be quite nice to rest my forehead in a cool vat of it.

Raspberry clafoutis

The verdict: None of us have actually eaten this, because humanity can only stand so much egg based nourishment, but our houseguests said it was very nice.

I cannot pretend I learned many culinary skillz, because: oh hai, ready made supermarket puff pastry in a roll, I believe we've met, pretty much weekly, when I use you to wrap Herta Horses Hooves Frankenfurters and call them 'sausage rolls' while all of the North of England writhes in visceral disapproval. However since we were on meatball duty the children were allowed to take on tasks involving sharp knives AND heat, so I think they can now be declared fit and proper persons to prepare me a plate of tea and toast. Which is achievement enough for a Saturday morning.

Later, I must tell you about the climax of our 'Come Dine With Me' week, but if I try and describe any more food right now something terrible will happen and if I try and look at the necessary illustrative photos, something even more terrible will happen. 


Kim Velk said...

Very interesting. Sorry to ask, but what's a "clafouti" (assuming even that this is the singular of "clafoutis"?)

Anonymous said...

Oh I too know of the delights of ready bought puff pastry and the thrill of what to stuff inside it - then the guilt and sickness. You know what they say? 'A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips'!

Sounds like you have your boys nicely trained for a breakfast in bed, still trying in vain to train my 3!
Please tell us more about the 'Come dine with me' cookery, does it come with the hilarious commentary and shouting matches as per the programme?

Betty M said...

I wish mine weren't quite do keen on self service in the kitchen. Dawn tea no compensation for alarms from cremated toast .

Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes said...

In my experience Nurofen is a perfect side dish for almost anything. Especially for dinner with the in-laws.

Rosie Redfield said...

Clafouti: Pour sweetish batter (eggs + flour + sugar + enough milk so it pours) over some fruit in a pan. Bake it until everything is cooked.

Lucia di Lammermoor said...

Please write a book. Any book. And send it to me immediately. You're hilarious...

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