Sunday, 25 March 2012


I have just done nit combing in front of TF1's entirely witless coverage of the French presidential election. If I could have simultaneously dealt with my first quarter VAT return, I would have, thereby creating the perfect storm of fuckery and alchemically ensuring that Monday would be Just Fine.

TF1 news tonight was, incidentally, basically the following:

"the weather has got slightly warmer and some people are sitting outside"

"the presidential candidates have consumed some local charcuterie in a variety of regions"

"there is a carnival somewhere, look at the bright colours!"

This is the tried and tested format for the one o'clock news, usually (Jean-Pierre Pernaud, the avuncular, incredibly right wing presenter is famous for trying always to start the news with the weather and saying that if you want news about Africa, you should watch African channels), but it must have been a particularly slow news day. I turned off before the inevitable report on some obscure - and one can only hope soon moribund - form of artisanat.

The tableau of shame:

Liquids: Pretty poor. One rooibos, a tea and a coffee. However the mere fact of writing this down has ensured that I will go and make myself another sodding herbal tea.

Vegetables: Reasonable. Salad. Avocado. Cucumber. Peas. Spring onions. Mustard. Yes, mustard is a vegetable.

Fruit: I am still not winning with the fruit. Watery strawberries from some environment-wrecking Spanish greenhouse.

Ranting: Dear Belgium, Speculoos is not an ingredient in tiramisu. Other places I do not want to find speculoos: in cheesecake, with pâté, on my toast, anywhere except IN A PACKET MARKED 'SPECULOOS', so I can adequately avoid them. Make this madness stop. Kind regards, Emma.

'Styleblog' shenanigans (no, not really): I LOVE these stamps the day release nutters at the post office sold me:

It is my understanding that for the cover price of this attractive, limited edition book of stamps, you get to choose which of these mythological creatures delivers your mail. It is plainly delivered by beast of mythology since it never fecking gets to any real place in the physical world, and I like the candour of this Belgian administrative acknowledgement of the fact. I can't decide which is my favourite, I mean, a unicorn, especially an emo one like this, is hard to beat but CHECK OUT THE WEREWOLF:

I like an existential howl of despair from a blighted, freakish beast of nightmare to accompany my first class mail.

How do I look? Give me another few days and I reckon I might merit a stamp of my own. A full week of daily posting, and I look worse than I did at the start. There must be a moral there somewhere.


karen said...

I'd never heard of an amphiptere before, although I can think of one or two people who I'd like an amphiptere to deliver letters to. Or maybe a harpy ;)

beagle, true-bred said...

You know, this is socialized-medicine Europe -- check out David Sedaris on the subject in today's New Yorker. (I especially liked his dental hygienist's "you have better ways to spend your evenings" on the subject of flossing. Also, please to tell: what is "good-time teeth" in the French original?)
So, how about you go and see your friendly socialized-medicine dermatologist? Beats futzing around with oats and masks and, bleurgh, Roiboos tea.

frau antje said...

I DO notice people are sitting outside, also that my entire winter of trying to talk all of the neighbors into burning out their vocal chords with crack pipes has been in vain.

Sent birthday greeting to bright, pretty 18 yo over achiever turning 19, capped off with a youtube of Hey 19 just to accentuate the point that hanging with coked out band members might make a good song, but it's so 'the last time Ray-Ban aviators were in' (parenting, even indirectly, is hard).

Anonymous said...

Oh, the stamps, the stamps! I could never in my wildest dreams imagine something as wonderful from the Belgian post. Only pity thta they seem to be for letters within Belgium and not the EU. Couldn't the EU version be the same creaturs but with the heads of different famous European politicians?


Waffle said...

Tilia - That would be EPIC. We should lobby La Poste to make it so.


WEEPING. "the presidential candidates have consumed some local charcuterie in a variety of regions". Oh joy. Incidentally (and boringly), my word verification is "Lorstro Geserge". To me, this sounds like a gynaecologist from Tours

Anonymous said...

Waffle, you dismiss the 2012Belgium Mythical Creatures Stamp first day covers almost as being of no consequence at all. I have been desperately trying to get hold of this first day cover of all the Mythical Creatures with no joy at all.

How can I get one.

01329 822218 (England)

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