Monday, 26 March 2012

I give up

I have been writing all day through sheer stubbornness for a project I don't actually think is happening any more, so that has been highly productive, goal oriented and generally filled with win. Ah well, at least I enjoyed myself, committing economic suicide and got to write about our malign loo seat in the 1980s, which will probably generate some kind of catharsis.

Also, my facial leprosy has spread to my hands and neck and even my eyeballs are itchy, so I declare my seven days of healthy living a failure, some kind of allergy possibly to blame and tonight my dinner has been two miniature bakewell tarts made from hooves and transgenic maize and a cappuccino flavoured Cornetto. Perhaps with an antihistamine chaser. That should sort it out, or else I resort to commenter Beagle's suggestion I just get with the programme and go and see a lovely Belgian dermatologist. She also pointed me in the direction of this most excellent David Sedaris piece about Parisian medical professionals which made me laugh out loud, as the youth do not say. I especially liked:

I raised my hand, international dental sign language for 'there is something vital I need to communicate'. He removed his screwdriver from my mouth and I pointed to the screen.

'Ils ont mangé des souris en brochette' I told him, meaning 'they have eaten some mice on skewers'.

That is all for now, I think.

10 comments:

Merisi said...

Seven days seem long enough. Really.

Anonymous said...

You should really read Davis Sedaris' "Me Talk Pretty Someday".This book had me paralyzed with laughter. His observations of French culture are hilarious!

Waffle said...

Oh, I have. I read it yearly, at least.

Tinne from Tantrums and Tomatoes said...

You lasted 7 days, you have earned that Cornetto.

Waffle said...

THANK YOU TINNE.

Mmmmm Cornetto.

Patience_Crabstick said...

Excellent. Now I know that what I must do to achieve happiness is move to France, immediately. And read more David Sedaris.

Believe me, it is hard to have been born with the French attitude to health and work in the American health care system, as I do.

I am sure the green soup makes you eligible for multiple cornettos.

Sewmouse said...

Tried the green soup. It wasn't bad - bit a bit bland. Added some garlic and hot sauce, it was better. Still needed something, though.

If you suspect allergies, maybe you could try something with the drug "Diphenhydramine" in it. It's an anti-histamine, in the States it goes under "Benadryl", but it also is used in sleep-aid medicines and some anti-motion-sick things. I don't know if package labeling laws are similar over there, but here they need to name the generic (latin) name of the drug even if they market it under another name.

Anyhow - it might be worth a try. Maybe you are allergic to Satan.

Family Affairs said...

Very relieved to see you are off revolting diet Lx

Stephen Minall said...

Great blog and love the humour and honesty. On Healthy Lifestyle "At my age I need all the perservatives I can get," said George Burns
Wrapid opens at Bluewater if anyone cares..April 5th

Anon from Brighton said...

Belg Waff, Can we just get back to normal now, no more green soup and pasty skin, no more diets and feeling shit about yourself! You are fab as you are. It is Spring, the sun is out (although bloody chilly in shade) and we are all starting to creep out of hibernation, slowly...