... I have small pieces in both Red and Elle this month. The Red one was written with an interweb friend, which makes it even more lovely. Hurrah for the internet and the meeting thereon of like minded, clever, funny, wonderful people. Does that sound like I am saying I am clever funny and wonderful? Jesus. Obviously that is not what I mean. And hang on, does "even more lovely" sound like either:
(i) I think my article is "lovely"; or
(ii) The Red one is better than the Elle one?
OH GOD. I DO NOT MEAN EITHER OF THOSE THINGS.
This is hopeless. I'm never mentioning anything I've done ever again. I'm just really grateful anyone gives me any work.
... Once again my child is being removed from my care by the Belgian authorities (well, the gulag) and taken to the seaside for a week, this time for "Classe de Mer Néerlandophone". Crucial vocabulary for the North Sea in October that I hope he will be learning:
1. I think I have hypothermia.
Ik denk dat ik onderkoeling.
2. No thank you, I would not like to go for a swim, it is minus five degrees.
Nee dank je ik zou niet graag gaan zwemmen, is het min vijf graden.
3. I am very sorry about my handwriting. Please let me go home now.
Het spijt me zeer over mijn handschrift. Laat het me nu naar huis gaan.
... Conversations with my brain twin:
M: Do you think we will look back on 2011 and think it was ace?
E: Erm, no. No, I don't think I will.
M: Well, from the perspective of the apocalypse, it probably will have been ace.
E: Oh. Yes, I suppose from the perspective of the apocalypse. If I am living in a cave and eating rat carcasses, maybe I will look back nostalgically on these happy times.
M: Juicy juicy rats.
E: En brochette. The brochette stick made from scavenged iron railings.
M: Rat satay. With peanut sauce made from ground up seagull beak and possum feet.
E: I really wish we were together, punching seagulls in the face.
M: Oh god, I would love to punch a seagull. Or maybe thwack it across the face with a packet of crisps?
E: Yes. Spicy Doritos. I bet they're really hard to hit though.
M: Oh, I don't know. Dangle a pizza in one hand? Hit with the other?
E: Yes, lure it in with a KFC bargain bucket.
... I have slightly less than 24 hours in Paris this weekend. I need to plan out a careful itinerary, which basically means taking in as many cake shops as possible. Both Sadaharu Aoki AND the choux bun place, Popelini are absolutely essential. I defy you not to click on the flavours tab of the Popelini website and spend ten minutes drooling gently. I reckon I can do both Lafayette Gourmet and Popelini in the time available, but I might have to sacrifice Pierre Hermé. We shall see. I like a (cake-based) challenge. I will attempt to show you my spoils before shoving ninety three choux buns into my mouth simultaneously, ideally whilst running down the street, because Parisians love nothing more than people eating inelegantly in public.
What are your weekend plans? What would you do with 24 hours in Paris? And most importantly, how would you catch a seagull?