... I have small pieces in both Red and Elle this month. The Red one was written with an interweb friend, which makes it even more lovely. Hurrah for the internet and the meeting thereon of like minded, clever, funny, wonderful people. Does that sound like I am saying I am clever funny and wonderful? Jesus. Obviously that is not what I mean. And hang on, does "even more lovely" sound like either:
(i) I think my article is "lovely"; or
(ii) The Red one is better than the Elle one?
OH GOD. I DO NOT MEAN EITHER OF THOSE THINGS.
This is hopeless. I'm never mentioning anything I've done ever again. I'm just really grateful anyone gives me any work.
... Once again my child is being removed from my care by the Belgian authorities (well, the gulag) and taken to the seaside for a week, this time for "Classe de Mer Néerlandophone". Crucial vocabulary for the North Sea in October that I hope he will be learning:
1. I think I have hypothermia.
Ik denk dat ik onderkoeling.
2. No thank you, I would not like to go for a swim, it is minus five degrees.
Nee dank je ik zou niet graag gaan zwemmen, is het min vijf graden.
3. I am very sorry about my handwriting. Please let me go home now.
Het spijt me zeer over mijn handschrift. Laat het me nu naar huis gaan.
... Conversations with my brain twin:
M: Do you think we will look back on 2011 and think it was ace?
E: Erm, no. No, I don't think I will.
M: Well, from the perspective of the apocalypse, it probably will have been ace.
E: Oh. Yes, I suppose from the perspective of the apocalypse. If I am living in a cave and eating rat carcasses, maybe I will look back nostalgically on these happy times.
M: Juicy juicy rats.
E: En brochette. The brochette stick made from scavenged iron railings.
M: Rat satay. With peanut sauce made from ground up seagull beak and possum feet.
***
E: I really wish we were together, punching seagulls in the face.
M: Oh god, I would love to punch a seagull. Or maybe thwack it across the face with a packet of crisps?
E: Yes. Spicy Doritos. I bet they're really hard to hit though.
M: Oh, I don't know. Dangle a pizza in one hand? Hit with the other?
E: Yes, lure it in with a KFC bargain bucket.
M: Yup.
... I have slightly less than 24 hours in Paris this weekend. I need to plan out a careful itinerary, which basically means taking in as many cake shops as possible. Both Sadaharu Aoki AND the choux bun place, Popelini are absolutely essential. I defy you not to click on the flavours tab of the Popelini website and spend ten minutes drooling gently. I reckon I can do both Lafayette Gourmet and Popelini in the time available, but I might have to sacrifice Pierre Hermé. We shall see. I like a (cake-based) challenge. I will attempt to show you my spoils before shoving ninety three choux buns into my mouth simultaneously, ideally whilst running down the street, because Parisians love nothing more than people eating inelegantly in public.
What are your weekend plans? What would you do with 24 hours in Paris? And most importantly, how would you catch a seagull?
19 comments:
I once ran over a seagull. Total accident. I pulled over to pick it up and brought it to the emergency vet. That SOB was HUGE! Wingspan was taller than I. And very heavy. Filled the back of my compact car. He (it) was quite docile when I picked him up, although he did give me a dirty look. Stupid bird. I wasn't the one in the middle of the road eating a stale bagel!
But Waffle, you can do Pierre Hermé too! I observed only yesterday that there is one inside Gal Laff. The handy map I picked up locates it in the basement betwixt the Foot spa and Lost and Found. Who said location was everything?
Anon - You have saved me! I can return to Belgium laden with 8000 candy coloured patisserie. I might have to go on the game to pay for them, but no matter.
24 hours in Paris: Hamam Medina. 1666 every three hours. Les passages around Montmartre. Croissants in between beers.
But that's me being a northerner. I go for everything I don't do or have in Stockholm.
I have miniature goats for you Emma
http://www.mydaily.co.uk/2011/10/06/miniature-goats-miniature-goats-in-jumpers/
You should have come to Riga for 24h. We have the biggest sea gulls in the universe. + Near the market place (where they can get both fish and other rubbish food), they are quite domesticated.
But, well, we don't have patisseries.
Paris: sit in any bar/café terasse and gossip about passers by.
Leave out a pile of garbage as bait.
My weekend involves either handwashing the family laundry in the bathtub or hellish hours in public laundromat. But I will treat myself to a trip to the libary.
Occasional visits to the newly lit fire in the front room where the girl who married me migrates for the x-factor winter, occasional bouts of trepidation about the ever pending return of daughter @ 18th birthday , much cheering on of both dreamy boys playing the beautiful game tomorrow – ( & hoping the youngest can reproduce the “rapser” he was most proud of when he returned from training last evening ), and early start to watch the celtic farrago below in the new world, kans of karpakie & cups of wine, and for Sunday , the destruction of a much loved un-insured caravan who’s roof is sadly more than threatening to blow away and destroy many expensive holiday homes in the west of Ireland.
Canadian Thanksgiving here. This means I'm required to cook something in addition to pumpkin pie from scratch which is actually my specialty and delicious, BW.
Really.
I would be perfectly happy with chicken breasts or pork chops (which my daughters will probably barely touch), but my 81-year-old mother is here for the holiday, having flown in from Victoria, and she wants a whole roast chicken, which we rarely eat, so I'll have to look it up. (We're not huge turkey fans here.) Elder daughter is flying in from the other side of the country (Halifax) to join us, see her grandmother, and to spend the next three days complaining about how none of her friends are in town and letting us know how eager she is to get away.
In short, the perfect family occasion, wouldn't you say?
WV: unhaniz - the polar opposite of a Jewish high holy day.
Jan, I see your miniature goats and raise you an eagle owl: http://www.dogwork.com/owfo8/
(It's slow at first, but stick with it!)
Catching seagulls.. have you never seen James and the Giant Peach? Surely it works??
Popelini...what are the choux puffs filled with? custardy goo? whipped cream?
Oh, we went through a big Japanese choux fad here in NY a few years ago...
This weekend: housework, theater, napping.
I am so sorry my link didn't work, but if you go to the Animal Planet web page and poke around for Pets 101, you should find the odd pets photo slideshow. It has capybaras and tiny ponies and mini goats and so on and explains whether they would be suitable pets for your particular household.
Seagulls are rats with wings.
My dear dog Goldie caught a seagull. Snatched it out of midair, shocking both her AND the seagull. She dispatched it with much flapping and shrieking as I also flapped and shrieked. Then she refused to drop it (and I refused to try and remove it from her mouth), so we strolled along the beach with this great dead floppy-winged thing trailing on the ground. Horror.
You know the Norwegians catch puffins in flight, I think by flinging nets into the air. Could try to do that with Seagulls but suspect the stale bagel trick is the one to go for.
Again I say, or maybe I have only thought it countless times, I cannot believe that writing as cool and funny as yours does not bring in the dosh.
There, I've said it so you don't have to.
Get an agent
A seagull flew into Tartarus's face when we were in the Isle of Man back in July. We laughed very loudly and unsympathetically and there was even wee leakage, but Tartarus said it was 'rather' (<- not the word he used at all) sore.
I'd like to punch a seagull in the face. They're just rats with wings and better PR.
Condolences to small person who is off to North Sea for a bit of a break. Expect pleurisy on his return.
Ali x
I recently witnessed a seagull murder another small bird and pull its intestines out from the otherwise quite nice view I have of Embankment from my desk window. One of the most horrifying things I've ever seen. Bastards deserve everything they have coming to them.
On cakes..I went to Popelini last month to buy a leaving gift for friends in Paris, only problem is we were in such a rush to drop off the box and catch the Eurostar we left our bloody box with our friends too...
Nits, eh? I've been dealing with severe constipation (H's, not mine).
I just added Popelini to my 'Paris to do' list. Yes, I do have a bookmark called this. For when I return in say, 2036.
(BTW, have you ever picked up one of those twee Paumes Japanese books on Paris patisseries? I think you might quite like them. Just a hunch.)
wahaha, waffle, those flemish translations are simply the top, wahaha, wonder which translator you used but it sounds better than me on my brightest day trying to 'uitleggen' q'chose ;-). gotta get out of here, could have done 1001 things already instead of hanging around at your blog, but it's been worth it. cheers, nice weekend.
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