Friday, 9 September 2011


So, I have a desk now. Look, here it is.

Deceptive professionalism

I can't actually use it at the moment because Prog Rock is asleep in there, so I am sitting at Lashes' desk, on a tiny, hard, Ikea spinny chair, surrounded by Lego, mangas, Nerf pellets and discarded socks. It is horrible in here, horrible. I also suspect there must be a bag of rotting conkers in here somewhere, given the smell.

The view

Even so, I thought I might tell you what's on my tragically inaccessible new (ish) desk.

This was a gift from my adoptive gay son (go and look at his beautiful website, I have just spent twenty minutes clicking around it dreamily). It is a small fragment of a Grayson Perry pot in a sort of reliquary. I completely love it, it is almost as good as an ACTUAL DRIED OUT SAINT'S FINGER in a reliquary, which would be my dream possession (along with a miniature Shetland pony).

These are the only books I felt I really needed on my desk at all times. There is a stack of ancient, orange spine Penguin PG Wodehouse next to the desk too, but there were too many to actually fit on it.

This tin - now full of boring cables and other techno-rubble - was the cake tin of my childhood, so I can almost taste the jelly diamond topped lemon curd sponge when it catches my eye. Look, you can still see traces of sellotape from the last time Prog Rock made me a birthday cake and carefully transported it across the channel in a Sainsbury's bag for life. I love the pattern, love love love it. It reminds me of my mum's Biba babydoll nightie, which was like that, but trimmed with a wide band of black lace. We never saw her wear it, it lived in the cupboard admired and occasionally taken out for fancy dress, a relic of a time long before we existed.

My great friend Violet gave me both of these beautiful birds at various times. She is the best present giver of all time. The big Palo Samko bird, I had coveted for a million years and stared at daily on various deco websites. The little fat bird, who is beautifully round and heavy and sits in your hand in a very comforting way, is made out of Thames clay.

My mug came from the Cotswold Farm Park, which qualifies as one of my happy places, filled as it is with furious goats and small strokable things. The stapler, well. it is a stapler with eyes, I'm not proud, but I do like it.

The glass puffer fish has no special significance, it is just a tiny glass puffer fish from the local hippy toy shop, where Fingers does cutting and sticking classes on a Wednesday. I have been repeatedly ruined by that place and its desirable tiny fripperies. There was an owl too, but I'm not sure where it went.

While I was sorting my desk out (proxy for work), I found something Lashes had made for me, which made me smile.

'Birds for mum'. It's a sort of handmade envelope, decorated front and back with cartoon birds, filled with bird stuff.

It includes "le perroket" (sic):


And these, which were on a sheet headed "Fout du scait", which is a very approximately spelled "Mad skaters". I love them.

My boy knows what I like. Also, it reminds me of Albie the Skateboarding owl, which is how I met B, when he sent me a link to this ridiculous Folkestone-based, low speed avian comedy clip.

Ok, I hear Prog Rock stirring, I am going to try and reclaim my space.

What do you have on your desk?


Anonymous said...

The mad skaters, particularly the blackbird on the red board, are quite, quite fabulous.

I am too ashamed by the sheer multiplicity of junk, and the fact that I can barely find room for my arms or to waggle the mouse, to tell you about my desk!

Nicky said...

I have one of those gold wavy chinese cats. It's solar powered, so it waves at me all day in its own plastic inscrutable way. I stare at it in times of stress until it makes me calm and happy.

My verification word is ackadoid - isn't that one of the Pokemon?

JB_Kiwi said...

A cat, vast piles of miscellaneous crap (including numerous bank statements which I refuse to open), cables for various electronic goods and no pens at all because the cat keeps stealing them. Your desk is terrifyingly tidy and chic. I wish my desk was so lovely...mine is more akin to what I have always suspected the inside of my brain looks like.

Waffle said...

Oh, don't worry Toasty, it only looks like that because I'm so demented with worry and have no gainful employment.

My former employers could testify to my office desk usually being a professional embarrassment, indeed, it drew the wrath of the senior partner on more than one occasion. Which was not at all mortifying, no.

JB_Kiwi said...

I am (quietly) relieved to hear that! I live with an engineer whose desk is always above reproach and who looks upon my filing system (stuff on top = most recent, stuff further down the pile = older and therefore either unimportant or I'm trying to hide from it) with scorn, so it's nice to know that I'm not alone in the chaos!
Sorry you're demented with worry though. That's certainly less fun than a skateboarding owl. At least you have the lovely ceramic bird to seems like that would be a soothing thing to do.

katyboo1 said...

your desk is lovely. I love your perry fragment. I love your birds. The skating birds are all that HFF said, and I am as ashamed as she is of my desk.

and I must belatedly thank you for my nipplish link. I am very behind with my politeness. Apologies.x

Adoptive Gay Son said...

I am glad my little bit of transvestite pot is on your desk with other special things.

That makes me happy :-)


P.S. I am mid way through the rather painful process of reapplying for my lost passport. Amongst other details they are extracting from me is the date my parents got married.

This level of bureaucracy can only be celebrated with a trip to the home of le tape rouge, Brussels. I cannot wait. x

Betty M said...

At work my desk is a victim of a cruelly enforced clear desk policy so at present holds a stapler an d a conference flyer and some stray post it's. At home it is still being unpacked so is covered with piles of paper and I have to work in the kitchen.

I want the tubby bird for myself and some of Lashes' skater birds as wallpaper please.

mountainear said...

I WANT your desk and its objets.

My desk is horrid and full of utilitarian scraps of paper which refuse to be organised. Also cameras and a weasle's nest of cables. Yep, as Toasty said - probably like the inside of my brain too

frau antje said...

One of these chairs
with a small strip ripped out of a magazine someone gave me that says there is no house dogma, stuck in the top part.
Someone points out that champagne corks can go 50 mi/hr, which is almost twice the speed of sperm, so do be careful.

mousedroppings said...

I'm so glad that you built your desk! I have been wondering about it ever since you posted the photograph of it snuggled inside it's box full of promise.

It's construction should be on your list of achievements.

On my desk are lots of incomplete projects, including a blanket I started knitting for my daughter when I was pregnant. She is now 4 and I don't think I like the blanket but how can I throw it away?

Mrs Jones said...

Well, you've got me off my arse and actually FORCED me to do a blog post about all the crud that's on my desk. I hope you're happy now.

Waffle said...

Well, MrsJones, I would be if I could actually GET to it. Link, please.

Mousedroppings - Shamingly, there were only three actual pieces in the box: the top, and two sets of legs. It was pathetically easy.

Frau Antje - The champagne cork chair is amazing, amazing.

Lisa-Marie said...

YOur desk is very clean. It also shows your clear love of animal and pretty things! Lashes' drawings are rather cool.

I don't have as desk in our tiny flat. Husband has a desk for all his music/science stuff. I have - the bed and my bedside 'table'(pile of books with a lamp, my sleepy tea cup, my phone, more books and my small note/sketchbook), my sofa arm(laptop,spotty big tea cup for earl grey), the kitchen table( two cake stands, the dishes from lunch time, my sewing machine, sewing box underneath, some cook books), a window seat(velvet and silk quilt, cushion, hot water bottle, radio, wooden boxes with memories in, photos in a big Victorian enamel frame, enormous stack of books).

I need a desk. And a very large book shelf. And maybe to hoard less stuff.

Mrs Jones said...

Oops, sorry, here's the link - - I thought you might just be able to click on my name and it would take you to my blog, but this just makes it that bit easier!

Waffle said...

I did try, Mrs J - but it took me to your - admittedly lovely - jewellery site.

Grit said...

an electronic bat that you wave at mosquitoes to kill them. a pair of trousers (not mine). a hundred back copies of the South China Morning Post, and a mound of used facial wipes. Nice.

Anonymous said...

What's on my desk? A dismembered smoke alarm ( to stop it ringing - there was no fire), a pile of things I've just listed on Ebay, some random medals from a deceased relative of OH,( I was supposed to be getting them framed I think), some European plug adaptor things, even though I have not set foot outside the UK for well over a year, some baby lego, part of a baby car seat, you get the general idea. Oh, and a computer. I would much rather the sheep mug and those wood birds.

Stitch this said...

A coffee cup stain, Chococat with paperclips on his head, golden syrup tin holding my pencils and dust, lots of dust.

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