Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Je suis fashion

Ok, now I am pissed off. I have read this in which Elle Belgique has invited "le blogosphère belge" to a lovely party. Hang on. I call bullshit. Le blogosphère belge, c'est moi. Not only do I write for Elle Grande Bretagne (I know this is hard to believe), have a blog and live in Belgique, but also, I breathe fashion. Je respire la fashion. I even wrote about pleats for Elle Collections and everything! Si si si. I likened my school kilt to dragging the felled corpse of Mel Gibson in Braveheart behind you on a daily basis (true, stupid Quakers), which is extremely fashion. Ok, I would have been ten years older than every other attendee and I am shit at parties and would have walked twice around the room avoiding eye contact with everyone by doing the "I am looking for someone" searching gaze, then hid in the loo for five minutes, then left, but still. No fair.

Look. Just LOOK what I am wearing today and run weeping to my door, begging me to attend your next party full of tiny Polly Pocket people in alarming clothes.

Ballerines Miu Miu:

This is taken avec my mop. C'est plus chic. You might think the left ballerine is broken: I call it elegantly distressed. Have I left the house wearing these shoes today? Yes internet. Yes I have and I will do it again.

This is a sort of impressionistic, overall taster of the outfit. That skirt is Sonia, innit. The rest is just cheapass crap. Oh, I think the t-shirt might be from American Apparel (AA sizing size: gigantic). That place scares me silly, with its exploited child staff, cheap '80s shop fittings and gold lamé leggings. My hand looks strangely tanned, but I think it is a chemical burn. I am holding Mr Propre Eau de Javel because I have been involved in a battle royal with a nest of tiny spiders behind a kitchen cupboard ("battle royal": spraying them from a distance, then jabbing at them with a broom with a j-cloth on the end). Mr Propre Eau de Javel is a hardass. He catapults me into respiratory distress but I still love him. Mr Propre Eau de Javel is my boyfriend.

Details. It's all about the details.

I am crouching artistically next to the recycling here to show you my ill-fitting bra and sturdy matron shelf to good effect. Because I am that committed.

Oh. I think I've talked myself out of it now. Never mind, as you were.


Unknown said...

Fashion people all over Belgium are weeping teeny tiny colour coordinated tears at their foolishness.

indigo16 said...

What? You recycle using Jil Sander shoppers, now that is classy!
Like you I am hugely irritated at not being asked to dress Dolce & Gabbana windows and take part in giggling on the front row wearing a bow topped clash to match. Is it that our mirror lies or that they are just blind to the style we ozze from our very pores a style honed in that sartorial hot spot AKA York!

Waffle said...

Ellen - I know. Poor things, it's sad really.

Indigo - Yes. YES YES YES. It's the York thing. North Yorkshire prejudice.

Erm. No Jil Sander though. Those must be the Belgian municipal recycling bags you are seeing.

soleils said...

"Mr Propre Eau de Javel is my boyfriend" is a truly wonderful sentence. I am smiling like a loon re-reading it.
You are so the belge blogosphère, BW. Apparently the French Elle blogosphère events are just as ill-thought out and there are rumours of - gasp! - preferential treatment.
You and your sens inné du style are well above all that.

soleils said...

Look, it's John Fashion London! Beyond silly but makes me laugh (usually doesn't take much)

vanity teen said...

Why do they wear such dresses...by the way I hate these shoes.

Macy said...

Nah, you just got to tell yourself that le blogosphere belge is just too small potatoes to even consider inviting you... those wee spuds just know their place.

Patience_Crabstick said...

You are truly dedicated.

Miss Underscore said...

Oh, I loved this Waffle, it's like a down-at-heel, budget version of Goop.

Waffle said...

That's me, Miss U. Inspirational lifestyle trifles, homespun wisdom and glamour, always glamour. Pass the organic hand sanitiser.

Yo, Vanity Teen, you are just jealous of my accomplished tramp chic. Too cutting edge for you.

Johnners said...

I am going to channel tramp chic from now on - this will involve dressing exactly the same as I do now, but calling it something completely different. Excellent.

WV = pegume. A new vegetable, surely?

Anonymous said...

Everyone knows that street fashion is true fashion. WV = exsjugi. C'est moi. Gokked to the max.

Margaret said...

Has Oscar been gnawing at your right foot? The Elle people are just jealous that you have a bosom and your feet don't hurt.

Laurel said...

I love those shoes and have a similar pair that I have worn to shreds, because a truly awesome pair of beloved hard-working shoes is not easy to come by.

I also envy your matronly shelf, as my upper half might generously be called "boyish" (sadly, I cannot say that of anything below my waist).

I also love the skirt. So, in conclusion, I really like your whole look here, actually. As for the minor flaws here and there, pssh. Anyway, as I learned from the Manolo, "la nostalgie de la boue" is extremely high fashion. Derelicte!


Debbie said...

I have also been developing an alarming matronly shelf. Glad to hear that this is indeed a fashion accessory.

Waffle said...

One likes to think so, Debbie. Or at least one tries to convince oneself of it. One also ends up talking like the Queen. It is a trial.

daisydot said...

Matronly shelves are THE summer accessory! I've got one and I'm gonna flaunt it.

livesbythewoods said...

I've got hat hair today, and I haven't worn a hat since last Thursday.

The trousers I am wearing today - the same ones I wore yesterday - feel as though I have ballooned overnight and no longer fit into them comfortably. That, or I have somehow managed to put on someone else's trousers.

Also, I fell off my slippers the other day and ricked my ankle. Footwear is overrated.

WV - phingstn - a new element for the atomic table.

Anonymous said...

What is it with these matron shelves? I now have one, and I was Britain's former Ms No Tits.
wv symperl it sounds unpleasantly close to simpering and makes me think of Belgian Elle models, pah to them and Belgian Elle, you is fashion!

Waffle said...

LBTW - You are going to have to explain to me how the fuck you fall off SLIPPERS. Are they high heeled marabou mules? I do hope so.

livesbythewoods said...

Waffle, sadly not. They are spotty low-heeled fluffy comfy slippers - they are backless, does that make them mules?

It was a combination of innate skill, haste and the arrival of the Chinese takeaway at the front door. It must have looked spectacular.

linda@adventuresinexpatland.com said...

Howling. Simply howling. How COULD they ever over look such a fashionista belgique? (Don't mind the mixing of languages.) What were they thinking??

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