I was amused this morning by Lashes's geography homework, which is sort of a basic primer on Belgium.
You'll need to click on them to see properly, sorry.
It lists Belgian monuments:
Justine Henin, tennis player (boring, but ok)
Axelle Red, singer (seriously? When did she last do anything? Also, best version of her only memorable song, Sensualité, is here:
Benoît Poelvoorde, actor (ok, I suppose)
Maurane, singer (Who? Connais pas)
Tia Hellebaut, high jumper (if you say so)
I think it might have been politic for them to include more than one Flemish person in the list, and how about Stromae? If Kanye knows who he is, I reckon he beats Maurane, whoever she is. Or, indeed, Dr Evil?
Then finally Belgian food:
Firstly, I do not think, Belgium, you can really claim steak and chips is "yours". It is everyone's. It is the people's steak frites and Nicolas Sarkozy will probably invade you to forcibly demonstrate the primacy of French steak and chips. Secondly, where is the américain? Chocolate? The mighty chicon? I asked Lashes and he just looked at me scornfully and said "Le chicon c'est pas Belge", which is an egregious lie.
I should be doing many things this morning, including faking an entry form for a cross-country run for my eldest child (yes, he has been quite bad recently), but instead I find myself wanting to recreate this document for Britain with similar brevity. I have made a start (you can click on these too, I would hate you to miss a detail of my incredibly skillful drawing):
I feel this has been a very valuable use of my morning. I would, after all, hate for my children to lose their precious British culture. If you feel I have omitted anything essential, do please let me know.