Keywords of the day leading here:
"better ways of carrying pint glasses"
"shrew with quarter"
"picture of defecated tapeworm"
This probably goes down in history as the day on which I have done the least since having children. I have walked about three hundred yards, slowly, with my friend's two shaggy dogs, and otherwise barely moved a muscle, been provided with constant food and drink and chat. The children - ecstatic that I have not been marching them ill-humouredly, on a tight deadline, across London in pursuit of Education - have sunk into a joyous haze of Nintendo and trampolining. They are having faintly pidgin, but delighted, conversations about Pokémon. The sun shone all day and the house has rung with the sound of four small boys cackling about various scatological topics. It has been brilliant.
As a result there is absolutely nothing that I can possibly tell you. I had an idea, but I have forgotten it with all the intensive lying around I have been doing, so you might as well have my conversation with Prince Philip. This was totally worth waiting for.
My conversation with Prince Philip this week:
(Prince Philip walks across a basement room where people are politely drinking small quantities of wine and not fighting over the inadequate quantity of pretzels. He is smaller than I expect, tawny coloured and dessicated as one of those bog-preserved bronze age corpses. He stops for a few seconds to talk to everyone. He is, mystifyingly, unsupervised, given that he has told several lengthy anecdotes about people blowing up condoms in the course of the evening, and declared immigration A Bad Thing (again). He stops, with an expression of beatific indifference, next to me)
PP: Did you ask a question tonight?
E: Uh, no.
(Prince Philip turns away with an expression of faint disdain)
I think he was definitely impressed. Please let me have your equally profound and epoch-defining encounters with members of the royal family in the comments.