Sunday, 2 January 2011

New year, new brain

I wrote and deleted a lot of stuff on Friday, some of which read like an Oscar acceptance speech, some like notes scribbled on the back of a napkin and discarded by Alain de Botton after taking all Switzerland's hallucinogens, and some that was just random listing of badass animals I quite like. It all had to go, and then I got distracted by a full day of rain, compulsive baking and light child haranguing. Then I tried again last night and got distracted by exhaustion and wine. I didn't realise quite how accurate my prediction in the last post that it would be the last coherent thing I would write would prove.

Anyway, when I finally got back to this I decided that the only important thing for 2011 was that I should lighten up a bit.


I will not be wiser, or grow a backbone, or learn how to say no, or reduce my electricity bill or call my family more often, or shout less, or eat more fruit, let's face it. But if there's nothing else, there must be more inappropriate levity. Last year was the year in which I got sucked into fretting, self-flagellating and catastrophising. It wasn't exactly unjustified, in the circumstances, but enough is enough. I am boring myself. I am boring commenter Naomi. I am surely boring you. (If you are bored right now, do a google image search for "bored animals", it's weird and a bit wrong, very few of them look bored but it features both an aye aye and a turtle with a protuberance that reminds me unpleasantly of Julius's demise). Thank you so much for still reading, even though I have been a boring bastard all year. It was almost as if I didn't dare be flippant, or silly, because of all the serious things that were happening. But you know what? Fuck that. Moping is doing no-one any good.

So instead of giving it some big old New Year retrospective, I just drew my brain last night to remind us of the good old days. Then, this morning, I tried to take a less shit photo of it and there was some kind of technological bitchfight between my Macbook and my SD card and decent brain photo was the collateral damage. So here! Have a really shit photo! If you click on it, it's half legible. I think the stygian gloom is probably an accurate representation of how it looks in there anyway.

Would you like to draw me your new year, new brain?


Lydia said...

Lemon Curd! Oh, I love Lemon Curd. Have you tried the Waitrose Seriously Zesty Lemon Curd? Stupidly shit name, but excellent excellent Lemon Curd.

I am looking forward to inappropriate levity very much, but would like to say I've enjoyed (well, not always enjoyed, some of it was pretty raw, but wanted to read) your serious stuff.

Waffle said...

Hee, Grace I MADE MY OWN yesterday. It was possible the worst decision I have ever made, it's obscenely delicious and has a very short shelf life.

Also, thank you.


katyboo1 said...

I would love to draw you my brain, but helas, it has fallen out, like Oscar's. I believe it is when I sneaked a go on his new Ben Ten scooter and just went too fast. And now? Nothing...

p.s. You are not boring.

I'm sorry Naomi, whoever you are, but you are wrong. Wrong. WRONG

Anonymous said...

So glad that you pay due attention to goats! And I have been following your blog for 3 years now, and it has NEVER bored me....

Iknowhim said...

You are NEVER boring. You are a barometer by which I guage my own normality in that it's nice to know other people's lives don't always conform either. Was surprised re your brain map that tin foil swan hats (my personal favourite), the big lobster, or the genius cabbage leaf masks didn't make it. In 2011 don't be so hard on yourself - you're fabulous and you make me laugh x

Anonymous said...

You don't bore me either. And are you sure the 'Ooh Shiny' bit is large enough? Mmm, lemon curd, I am now drooling over the thought of it.

Bryony said...

I adore lemon curd - v easy to make and even easier to eat out of the saucepan. Please draw my brain as being entirely lemon curd. That appeals greatly. Happy New Year!

Anonymous said...

You are quite simply fantastic. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

WrathofDawn said...


I would attempt a drawing of my brain but, alas, current technology does not permit us to peer past my over-developed impenetrable inner arc of perpetual panic.

Our Lady of Perpetual Panic. C'est moi.

Anonymous said...

Don't get too positive and shiny will you? It would scare/piss me off, comparisons and all that.

frau antje said...

Don't underestimate Meh, whatever. One thing goes wrong and your brain is right back to meh, whatever. Of course, you would expect it to be the best place in the brain, and it is. Seriously, consciousness is just clutter, ask anyone. Still, I wonder why The Messiah doesn't make me cry, but Nick en Simon at Museumplein kind of does. Jesus, what is wrong with me? I need a flexible resolution, can I borrow Fuck that? I won't leave it alone to piss on your fridge, I swear.

Dara said...

shiny goats?! how can that be boring?

Doriana Gray said...

I am in Munich and there is an ad on the side of your blog for "All you can eat in München"... how scarily mind reading.

Anonymous said...

a jar of lemon curd mixed with a tub of whipped cream spread between and over sponge cake is pudding and we can eat a lot of pudding.

what are you doing with elemis bath soak you can't afford it now their papaya facial peel can be mixed with a tub of.........well you get the idea


oh god my word verification is drephole i fear this is my brain

Waffle said...

J, I promise I am only THINKING about Elemis, not actually using it. Sadly. Also: lemon curd, whipped cream and sponge cake is exactly what I did yesterday. Were you here? Did I just not notice?

Kay Dennison said...

Italian proverb: Never let anyone see the bottom of your purse or the bottm of your mind.

Kelley said...

I absolutely agree with iknowhim. You're a wonderful barometer. I can read your blog and feel that actually, I am not the only one out there who feels like this some/all of the time. So thank you. Happy or sad, I am very glad to have found your bring me (almost) daily enjoyment!

Laurel said...

Another tip of the hat to iknowhim!

Also, I thought you were quite funny during 2010, for all that you were dealing with Heavy Shit. However, I certainly can't argue with it if you are planning to be even funnier during 2011.

I think you should write a book of funny essays. Hell, you could publish this blog (as many a blogger has done, more or less) and I would totally and 100% buy it. Just a thought.

Anyway, I've sort of stolen your resolution, although I will probably be shit at fulfilling it. But I want to let go of anger and fear, and if I can't let them go I might at least make fun of them.

Anonymous said...

I missed the dark chocolate liver-screaming mousse...
My el cheapo fridge magnet (Zig Zag in Brussels, few items over four euros...) says it all: "No brain. No pain."
Over & out....
Happy New Year!

Pat (in Belgium)
wv: nevir (Nevir say nevir????) said...

Anyone who can admit to 'ooh shiny' is a heroine in my book. And no, 'heroin' is NOT interchangeable. Really enjoy your blog, do NOT change (please please).

P.S. - my word verification is 'hypsubps' which sounds quite psychological in nature

ghada said...

اهم شركات كشف تسربات المياه بالدمام كذلك معرض اهم شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام والخبر والجبيل والخبر والاحساء والقطيف كذكل شركة تنظيف خزانات بجدة وتنظيف بجدة ومكافحة الحشرات بالخبر وكشف تسربات المياه بالجبيل والقطيف والخبر والدمام
شركة تنظيف خزانات بجدة
شركة مكافحة حشرات بالدمام
شركة كشف تسربات المياه بالدمام
اهم شركات نقل العفش والاثاث بالدمام والخبر والجبيل اولقطيف والاحساء والرياض وجدة ومكة المدينة المنورة والخرج والطائف وخميس مشيط وبجدة افضل شركة نقل عفش بجدة نعرضها مجموعة الفا لنقل العفش بمكة والخرج والقصيم والطائف وتبوك وخميس مشيط ونجران وجيزان وبريدة والمدينة المنورة وينبع افضل شركات نقل الاثاث بالجبيل والطائف وخميس مشيط وبريدة وعنيزو وابها ونجران المدينة وينبع تبوك والقصيم الخرج حفر الباطن والظهران
شركة نقل عفش بالرياض
شركة نقل عفش بالطائف
شركة نقل عفش بالدمام
شركة نقل عفش بجدة
شركة نقل عفش بمكة

ghada said...

شركة نقل عفش بالمدينة المنورة
شركة نقل عفش بينبع
شركة نقل عفش بالخرج
شركة نقل عفش بالقصيم
شركة نقل عفش بخميس مشيط
شركة نقل عفش بتبوك

ghada said...

شركة نقل عفش بابها
شركة نقل عفش ببريدة
شركة نقل عفش بنجران
شركة نقل عفش بحائل
شركة نقل عفش بالظهران
شركة نقل عفش واثاث
شركة نقل عفش

ghada said...

شركة المتحدة
شركة نقل عفش بنجران
شركة نقل عفش بخميس مشيط
شركة نقل عفش بالطائف
شركة نقل عفش بمكة
شركة نقل عفش بينبع
شركة نقل عفش بابها
شركة نقل عفش بالرياض