Wednesday, 6 October 2010

"Waffles, lots of waffles"

News - if one can call it that - from Belgium's continued attempts to form a government (remember,there is the foppish Socialist with the bow tie and the fat, obstructive one Flemish nationalist and they are supposed to find a way to play nicely together) is predictably disastrous. La Libre has reported a series of off the record comments from people across the political spectrum involved in the process. They include things like:

Di Rupo, the foppish Socialist " .. doesn't understand much and he's slow".

Laurette Onkelinx and Joëlle Milquet "are morons, really. If you put the two of them in a TV studio together, it's like a lunatic asylum".

Flemish is described as "a language of savages".

Fattie, Bart de Wever, is "a horror" .. "pathological" .. "physically weak ... he eats waffles, lots of waffles".

Then there's this gem:

" Di Rupo ... ne fait rien et il se contente de se maquiller .. tout le monde sait très bien quand une négociation est foutue et qu’on peut rentrer chez soi : Di Rupo quitte la salle précipitamment avant tout le monde et court aux toilettes pour se maquiller"

"Di Rupo .. does nothing, just puts his make up on. We all know when the negotiations are screwed and we can go home: Di Rupo hurries out of the room before everyone else to put his makeup on in the toilets".

It's hardly edifying, particularly on a week when Jon Stewart is also mocking Belgium. There are owls in the Groot Bijgaarden pet shop better qualified to form a government and one day I will prove it.

Of course, I myself have demonstrated my entirely superior work ethic in every way today, as ever. I have had difficulty deciding which tasks to procrastinate about first today, resulting in excellent productivity levels in the fields of:

- -lengthy but inconclusive reflections on the perfect karaoke song (do you have one? Do tell);
- nourishing minor resentments;
- anomie;
- eating champagne truffles;
- self-flagellation;
- deciding what my signature cocktail would contain (The Belgian Waffle: advocaat, speculoos liqueur and iced Yorkshire Gold tea. What's yours?)

Neither the penultimate chapter nor the invoicing have performed quite so well. My character is under a table in McDonalds outside the Jardin des Plantes, fretting about straw wrappers, while my invoices remain purely theoretical.

In keyword news: someone in Calgary, Canada, was anxious to find out "if Sausage McMuffin is code for drugs". I am trying to imagine the context in which this might arise and failing.

And a Kir Avignon, as mentioned yesterday, is with lavender sirop, and very delicious. I did not, however, drink so many tonight that I have forgotten the person who said "from reading your blog I thought you would be much older and fatter". I suppose this is some kind of a backhanded compliment, but now my blog feels self-conscious. Does my font look big in this?


Margaret said...

I do know that a "ham sandwich" is corrupt-cop lingo for an untraceable gun you carry in the trunk of your car to plant on perps you're trying to frame.

J. said...

Karaoke song: "The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers. This is a proven winner if a) you are in the United States in a bar full of career drunks and hipsters, b) you have a singing voice like a teenage hillbilly obsessed with "Glee" and c) you sell it like it's your first-born and Mama needs meth. If these criteria are not met, results are not guaranteed.

Margaret said...

OMG, J, I think I love you.

redfox said...

I think I just want some speculoos liqueur, neat.

WAIT JUST A MINUTE I have just searched the internet and discovered that it is an actual thing. My god. Is it wonderful or disgusting? (Or both! I bet both. No, sadly, probably just disgusting.)

cruella said...

"Life on Mars", of course. Every time.

Jaywalker said...

I also love J. Can we come to your next performance please?

Siobhan said...

Were the champagne truffles eaten or contemplated - eaten sounds better.

And Yorkshire Gold Tea is the most superior drink on the planet. In fact I am drinking some right now (well in between typing words - multi-tasking is hard)

Bryony said...

I could offer songs not to sing at karaoke having been at a disastrous event last year which culminated in me being hospitalised...

am giving great thought to the cocktail, especially as you have raised the prospect of lavander sirop - will it go with sloe gin? my next favourite thing is pork scratchings - blended in or on the side do you think?


Anonymous said...

I hate to be a party pooper, but you are actually linking to La Libre Belgique and not to Le Soir. I don't want Le Soir to get any undeserved glory. Unfortunately, there's not much deserved glory to be had for that newspaper either.


Jaywalker said...

Ha, Tilia, Apologies. Slip of the, uh, fingers. Corrected.

Xtreme English said...

A Sausage McMuffin may be a code for drugs in Canada. They eat all kinds of strange things there. However, here in the States, I prefer the McGriddle, in which the English muffin is replaced by two perfectly round, rather sturdy pancakes with the SYRUP COOKED IN (like wee chocolate chips, but tan and maple-flavored.) It also has the regulation round egg patty and slice of cheese. Best of all, you can order it with BACON, not sausage. The sausage once gave me food poisoning. As drugs go, a Bacon McGriddle is not bad....and it may be available in Canada, too!

J. said...

We should all karaoke together! Provided you all can abide by the following terms:
-If you smack my arm after I miss my cue during an innovative duet version of the theme song from "The Greatest American Hero" and cause me to spill my drink, I will hit you back. In the face.
-I have dibs on anything by the Stone Ponies, Helen Reddy, Captain and Tenille, Tom T. Hall, Loretta Lynn, and the June Carter Cash part of "Jackson":