1. Is it wrong to look at naked women?
No. It is not. Unless you are hiding in their gardens and peering in through their windows as they emerge from the shower, holding a massive telephoto lens in your sweaty claws. Then it is wrong. Is that all clear now?
2. Are okapis fertile?
Really? What kind of a fucking question IS that? I mean. Think, keyword person. If the okapi exists, then it must have had parents who were also okapis. Thus, at least some okapis are fertile, yes. Also, I have met an okapi baby, which is presumably what brought you, fruitlessly, here, looking for the answer to your profoundly stupid question. I do hope you aren't a zoology student.
3. Corkscrew tail Scottish terrier back problems?
Why yes. If you attach a corkscrew to a Scottish terrier's tail, I can see that it might lead to back problems for the poor creature. If you are absolutely insistent, can I suggest you choose a basic waiter's friend, rather than one of those things shaped like a fish from the Conran Shop?
4. Why are my triops not moving?
Ok, I have two suggestions, and brace yourself, one of them is actually SERIOUS. Firstly, they are probably dead, you idiot. However, and this is based on my actual experience with actual Triops (and wasn't THAT a regrettable period in my life), Triops actually shed their old skin. Maybe what you are looking at is an old Triops exoskeleton? Whilst the lithe, new, shiny Triops is over there being dismembered by one of its companions, because the little fuckers are cannibals, oh yeah.
5. Unicorn eating chicory
No. I think you have been misinformed. Unicorns eat sunlight and drink Elemis Supersoak. I should know, I run a unicorn stud in my other life, the one where things went a little better and I don't have to spend Friday nights picking sweetcorn out of the kilim and discovering new and ever more alarming places where the dog has been sick.
6. Zombies eating chicory
Yeah, that figures. I reckon Robald enjoys a nice witloof too.
7. Tarantula juggling
You know, I could be persuaded. They're quite cuddly and probably quite slow, so good for learner jugglers. Though of course I disapprove of juggling. It is but a short step to poi. Hey, tarantula poi! Put a tarantula in a sock and swing it around near your genitals. I'd pay to see that.
8. Cat performance beard
See me after class.
9. How to make a night fury cake?
I've thought hard about this one, but I think the actual answer is that almost all my cakes are night fury cakes. Take 1 imminent school fête, 500g perfectionism, 500g intense competitive instinct, 750g misplaced ambition, 1kg of incompetence, 1 defective oven manufactured circa 1978, and houseful of edible glitter. Forget to buy any eggs. Voilà.
10. What to wear to a Havisham party?
Oh, you know. Tears, decay, dust, trampled dreams and a rotting wedding dress. There's probably a Facebook group with handy hints. Bring me along next time, I'll fit right in.
11. Yellow dragon uncensored
No thank you. Pre-watershed PG certificate yellow dragons only for me, thanks.
12. Lotion roofies
And what do you do with that, exactly? Sneak up to some one in a bar and start surreptitiously MOISTURING them? You have not thought this through sufficiently. I am going to have to fail you.
13. Awesome mustache flying waffle
Whoever you are, I think I want to catch you, and keep you in my basement. Do you have a girlfriend?