"Eeeeeeeeeuuuuurgh" she said, recoiling in horror.
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Euuuuuuuuuuuurgh. My sister Skyped me her cat yesterday. It's just been neutered, and she held it up to show me the scar".
"Yeah, she said 'the vet says if there's a lump bigger than a hazelnut, there's a problem. That's a walnut, isn't it?'"
"Eeeew. Was it a walnut?"
"Yes. And apparently, the walnut bump was the cat's intenstines protruding".
"Right. So, basically, are you saying that my foot looks like a cat hernia?"
"So I can't have the fish pedicure?"
"Dude. Fish have feelings too. Also, there's nothing left for them to eat".
Any suggestions? None of your hippy shit, please. I'd rather something brutal.
(Oh, if anyone wants to come to this thing next Thursday in Kilburn, drop me an email - some of the people who are doing it are actually good and mine, whatever it is, will definitely be SHORT).