Wednesday, 14 July 2010

Fragments

Deceased Warlord

E: I don't know what heading to put on this email.

M: Don't ask me. I don't know when the last time I had a proper job was. I know nothing of such things.

E: You see, I am worried that because of how my email address looks, the message will go straight to spam.

M: Ah.

E: Yeah, that and the fact I've decided to head it "Greeting dearest! I am sending you warmest greetings from Lagos. I am Nigerian widow long time my last message goes unsanswered".

M: I AM THE DAUGHTER OF DECEASED WARLORD ENRIQUO MENTOYA PLEASE TO SEND NIVEA CREME TO THIS CARRIBEAN BANK ACCOUNT.

E: Or maybe "RX VICODIN IN 48 HOURS ANYWHERE IN WORLD". Or just 'Your bank account is broken, give us your PIN', then a shitload of Cyrillic script.

M: That should do the trick.

E: Doomed. We are doomed.

M: Not me. I have in-depth knowledge of bacon flavoured consumables.

E: Is it ok if I steal that for my email?

M: No.



Footlocker Fresh King

E: You need to watch this. I became hysterical.




B: Holy crap that is hilarious. "Now you're in Brussels" has to be one of the most ominous lines I've ever heard. It's like a jail sentence.



The Germans have a word for it

E: Thank you for the ninja cat and the barbary lions. Are you familiar with Transformer Owl? Or this? I love "the head is for the purpose of growing horns and so the mouth can be somewhere".

B: Transformer Owl is scary. I think he might want to cut me and take my shoes. And cut them. How about Mel Gibson's greatest hits set to kittens?

E: I worry about how I would have survived adulthood in the days before internet baby animals. Hard drugs, I think. I bet there is a word for this in Japanese. For what we do. A noun meaning "to give love and support by exchanging internet clips of great cuteness or humour". I just bet you.

B: I'm sure you're right. German might have one too, but it would have to involve pain.

E: Yes. The German version, all 84 syllables of it, would translate as: "the act of taking refuge in inconsequential internet ephemera in order to escape the rigours of daily life".


9 comments:

Anonymous said...

German for: incomprehensibility of diagram-laden and asterisk peppered financial literature?

Please advise.

C/Kalgon

Em said...

I learn a little something every day from you. I bow to your funny, funny wisdom that you share freely with the first world and Lagos.

Xtreme English said...

So relieved....everything is still totally whacked in belgium!!

Jo said...

I wish I could understand French better. Is that song a parody, or are they seriously saying how fab Brussels is?!?!

frau antje said...

Well, the streets ARE mean.

There's nothing you can't do! I don't know when the last time I had a proper fantasy job was.

(actually there is a German noun of Japanese extraction, it literally translates as 'happy monotonous hammering fun misanthropy')

pk said...

i love barbary lions. they can be seen at port lympne in kent.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious song - thanks for sharing!

Margaret said...

There *is* nothing you can't do in Brussels! As long as it doesn't involve iced coffee and you don't want to do it on a bank holiday.

Juci said...

Oooo, I have to steal this video to post it on my blog. Sorry about that.