Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Bath Report

Bath, day 2, and here are my achievements:


British supermarkets marvelled at: 2

Ginger cake eaten: 0

Compensatory yoghurt eaten: 17 pints

Books bought: 2 (Sloane Crosley and Nicola Barker)

Reader recommended caf├ęs tried: 1 Roscoffs, vg in every way except the carrot cake. Oh yes:

Carrot cake eaten: half a slice. Bof.

Invoices submitted: 2

Number of attempts required to submit 2 invoices: 6

Number of times over money on invoices already spent: 700

Insults relating to Dr Karg collated: 10

(Favourites:

"Tiring, devoid of nutritive value and ultimately unfullfilling. All the advantages of fellatio without mess" from this person

and

"Dr Karg sounds like a Victorian nutter who forcibly removes wombs and puts stuffed songbirds in the empty cavity. He then dries out the wombs and turns them into his crispbreads" from this person)

Dr Karg apologists discovered: 3

Body brushing sessions: 3

Nail trimming with knife accidents: 0

Tweets: 35 (this is very VERY VERY BAD. Internet 1, Willpower 0).

Words written: Ooooh thousands. Tall Tales piece (provisionally entitled 'Love in the time of the Works Directive'), 2 Facegoop posts, a lesser, but not insignificant amount of book words.

Sightings of Jordan on ITV2: Apparently infinite.

8 comments:

Artichoke Queen said...

Vair vair proud of your invoicing activity. This is known as Progress. xx

Anonymous said...

That's all well and good but have you kissed a Canadian yet??

Em said...

Hello, my comment left before I signed off. It's me!

Jaywalker said...

NO, Em. Where is my Canadian? Hmmm???

But now I have an excellent (cough) fake tan, Canadian luring must be imminent.

leonie said...

karg (German, adjective) - meaning: meagre, paltry, scant, deficient

and no, that's not a joke:
http://dict.leo.org/ende?lp=ende&lang=de&searchLoc=0&cmpType=relaxed&sectHdr=on&spellToler=&search=karg

magpie said...

I actually like those Dr Karg things, but only the one with insane amounts of (I think it's pamersan) cheese in it. And then with more cheese added on top. It makes me feel less bad about eating cheese. Ditto Ryvita, which is far more cardboard-y on the palette.

puncturedbicycle said...

But there is also David Mitchell, who is the anti-Jordan! On the Beeb (telly+R4), he reaches Jordan levels of ubiquity, but he doesn't make me feel homicidal OR suicidal, which is nice.
I secretly love Ryvita, but it has the same effect on me as on Magpie, making me feel better about eating shedloads of cheese. The seedy ones are particularly nice and not so cardboardy.
Best wishes for ongoing productivity!

H said...

Hahha! There are more of us Karg lovers than I thought. I also only eat the ones smothered in melted emmental and pumpkin seeds though. The others are pointless.